Daryl L.D.M

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Wow.. yet again time flies and spider webs continue to grow on my blog due to my absence.. My final examinations ended by early May and I fear that my CAP would fall below my current 2nd Upper Position due to laziness and the general lack of interest in mugging so hard to compete in the bell curve.. thankfully I kinda expected this and have my SEP slated next semester to get out of this hell for 1 semester to unwind and relax in cold cold Canada.. As per previous semesters, lets have another module forecast

LSM2101 - B+
LSM2102 - B
LSM2202 - B
TR2201 - B+
GEK1001 - B (S/U-ing)

With the examinations over, I was beginning to plan my holidays when the unexpected happened.. My grandmother had another heart attack and was hospitalized for 3 days.. Each day our family paid visits and snuck ourselves in due to the rigid H1N1A flu precautions.. Her condition was considered critical and the doctor has advised us all to see her before its too late, yet the staff were so adamant about their 4 visitors per patient rule that we had to find other ways to get up sneakingly.. When I saw her, she seem healthy and like how she was when we had our Mother's Day dinner the weekend before.. But on the eve of Vesak Day, I received a sms while I was at KE7 watching a movie at yong shen's room that she was critical.. I quickly dashed back to my room, changed and ran down the stairs to NUH and cabbed down to SGH praying and tearing for my grandma as the taxi sped down the highway at 1am in the morning..

Thankfully I got there while she was still breathing but she was struggling so hard I cried really hard to see her pain.. I tried talking to her amidst heavy sobs but yet I somehow knewn she didnt know what I was saying as she couldnt even open her eyes.. we held her hand, comforted her that all things were settled for her and our family was happy.. it was my 1st and last time I actually stayed by my grandparents side all the way until she waited for the whole family to come and say our final words to her before she departed at 2.22am, Vesak Day..

Funeral proceedings went on and I played an active role to prepare prayer paper and helping out in many ways.. For the first few days, my eyes hurt from all that crying and my heart heavy with regrets.. For I have been unable to visit her the last few weeks due to my examinations.. and before I could really talk to her again now that my exams were over, she's already gone.. regret and remorse inevitably were the first feelings.. then over the days as we paid our vigil, along the way I picked up the feeling that my grandma was at peace and that we should also move on and live life even better to honor her living than to just brood over her death.. It also made me realise how important a family is to stick together during such times as we stayed overnight and comforted one another... finally on wednesday, we went to Mandai Crematorium to cremate my grandmother, where tears rolled down my cheek as I heard the heavy cries of my mother and aunt's as we saw the coffin entering the furnance.. it was hard to believe that the ashes of bones we collected hours later was all that was left of our beloved grandmother..

it was painful, sad and lonely to have lost my last grandmother.. likewise language barriers made it hard to communicate with her.. but as I am now more mature, I also could say I was able to interact more to my grandmother than my other grandparents before, and the closeness will always be there as I remember the great grandmother she was and will always be in our hearts... I also took time to thank god for the extra 5 years (since she suffered her 1st heart attack) she was given to live her life to the fullest, enjoying good food, going on tours and fulfilling all her desires.. So in many ways we were very thankful for both what she has given to us and what god has given to us through our grandmother..

Through the funeral I also learnt to appreciate my Buddhist/Taoist roots even better and realize that it is very meaningful and true in many ways otherwise seen as traditional and uncool in other's eyes.. Though my mother asked me why none of my friends attended the funeral, I didn't felt alone as some of my closer peers sent me their condolences and more than that, I could feel my grandmother's presence throughout the funeral..

Rest In Peace Mama. We Love You!

dEminG
Live Strong

My mind's unweaving/ 10:38 AM