wah!!! i've been really really lazy to blog recently.. maybe coz i've been into egrossed into either my course, my games, or anime... hahaz... finally the course gonna end on tuesday.. abit sad.. coz the frenz i made this course seems even stronger and more bonded than ctc.. boy am i surprised.. just went to villa billa on friday night with almost full attendance.. even chief armour officer made an appearance!! hahaz.. we Rock manZ~~
just borrowed tales of eternia from donald.. overlooked it due to the unattractive graphics on the case.. but after i started playing it really is quite fun... like real time rpg... interesting story too.. hahaz... also borrowed 9 dvds of bleach from fox.. hahaz.. damn nice manz... pity i stopped watching it last time after epi 10... now at episode 21... getting really interesting too... cooLzzz...
recently been onto my course project to research abt advancements in military technology ard the world.. like the blue force tracking(BFT) system the US uses and such.. pretty scary how future warfare will be... the more advanced the targeting system, the shorter the life span of soldiers like me.. *stresSed* anyways tuesday is the course grad ceremony and course project presentation... then its back to 40SAR.. if its one thing i gain most from this course, its the frendship i made and that talk that unique guy had with us.. my skills as oc cant be polished with just a course.. im sure it'll kick in eventually during my icts.. hope i can use what i learnt in my platoon~~! =]
dEminG iTs the Life iN youR yeArs!!
My mind's unweaving/ 10:12 PM
Saturday, July 22, 2006
thats one thing i always hold very strongly... maybe thats why i often have people pissed off with me or feel that i am forked-mouth at times.. maybe i'll die my own grave.. but thats better off than lying to everyone.. including yourself.. and so another week of my course has ended.. phew... been a tiring but enriching ride...
one of the most i've gained this week was a talk with this interesting guest who shared with us from his wealth of experience what it meant to be a good oC.. many things he said hit me in the chest.. things i've thought abt doing.. but sometimes held back due to my own schedule as a pC.. basically i was fascinated by him because he could articulate and put across many many jumbled and upsetting thoughts in my head into words, backed along with experience..
balance is that art of human being.... and life.. that is really one of my values too... balance.. it was a good reminded of this value i have seemed to lost track through time in the army.. many many times i feel the army is trying too hard.. failing in many other ways that it does not see... this kiasu kiasee attitude etched in singaporeans are no different in the army as well.. and its especially irritating when some decisions were made with no considerations on the implications on lower echelons..
he was sharing how we could motivate our soldiers despite this peacetime situation.. which i bet hit many chords with the people in the room... somehow i felt if i could invite him to talk to every single commander in singapore.. the singapore army would change for the better.. we are all guilty of one thing... the aberdeen paradox... all we do is say 'yes sir yes sir' to those high ranking officers.. and so called 'suck-thumb' when we disagree but do not wish to risk our position, rank which leads to their pay and ricebowl.. its like a self fulfilling prophecy~~! how can an organisation seek to achieve in this way?
he was so passionate of his job abt how he cared for his soldiers.. and made the effort to remember the names of every soldier in his battalion.. or at least makes his presence felt in all his soldiers.. how he attends their weddings, asks abt their parents... etc etc.. even as a listener i already felt i was willing to put my life on my line to fight for this man.. not the minister we only see on the news.. but for this man... that really inspired me to work towards learning his style and confidence to ensure that i am a NS oC just like him~~ i may not have experience.. but it doesnt mean you cannot learn from others~
last night after we receieved our orders.. as usual we worked only as fast as the time we are given... give us 4hrs.. we work for 4hrs.. give us 30min we work for 30min.. haiz.. why cant we learn to be more focussed.. in the end we ended at 10.30pm.. thankfully kw gave me not just a usual ride home but drove me all the way to pok's place... was his 21st bdae.. abit funny coz i went in uniform before changing to something less intimidating.. end up playing drinking games with alot of jack daniels.. loLx.. was hallucinating alittle in no time..
thankfully i didnt puke as i stopped drinking and spent the night over at the chalet.. was really big.. somemore alot of ppl involved in ndp parade so couldnt stay.. so the beds were all unoccupied.. work up this morning abit dazed but got a lift from pok's mom back home.. just awaken from a nap and abt to go out to meet up the sotongs~~
an interesting uS army vid i saw on youtubE
dEminG oR you'Ll bE a liVing lIe~
My mind's unweaving/ 1:10 PM
Thursday, July 20, 2006
phew.. finally finished days of very meticulous trg in our planning stuff... spent the night over at the training centre last night.. transiting from one mission to the other.. was an appointment holder to present at 1000 today and receiving the orders at about 0200hrs lidat.. loLx.. decided to sleep first but little did i expect one of our coursemates to snore like a t-rex... i thought ppl like my dad or wl snoring was unnatural enough... not till last night.. omg... i was shaken out thrice before i displaced myself to sleep in the planning area.. loLx..
gotta say the effort they put into this course is very admirable.. so many senior officers taking their time off to train us and help us learn.. my only complaint was the amazingly slow system we worked on... technical difficulties cause up to hours of delay and we were in a sense 'not recommended' to sleep/read etc... it was sooooooo boring manz...
my presentation wasnt as good still but at least can say i improved from my first presentation which i lament to be quite poor and sketchy... my situation awareness and expectations required were clearer to me.. maybe coz its the 3hrs of sleep i had only but i felt very very irritated when people always like to judge me... criticise me of 'smoking' out or whatever f***... just becoz my presentation wasnt that structured they think i'm just talking crap... f*** man... if i needed your damn opinion i would kick the f*** outta you! tmd..
what was thought to be an earlier dismissal which i hoped to be about 12pm.. dragged till 3pm after all the debrief points and learning points shared by the seinor officers.. tried very hard to pay attention but i kept nodding off all the time.. got home and k.o-ed till now... gotta sleep again soon.. tml got run lorz.. siaNZ.... this weekend hopefully can help me relief some of this fatigue.. tml night going to pok's bdae party~~ hahaz.. maybE can drink my sorrows away~~ >.<
dEminG iT isn'T as fUn as you think~
My mind's unweaving/ 9:56 PM
Saturday, July 15, 2006
its almost into the 6th week of my course.. i've gotta say attending this course changed alot of perspectives i used to have of the army.. learned some interesting things.. some ugly things.. some motivating stuff.. the week that just passed was spent mostly on planning for missions... everyday was very hectic rush to produce staff aids and thinking of execution to ensure mission success..
iS theRe reallY a gOoD aRmy in the woRld?
everyday the planning exercise ends average at 7 to 8pm... tired and sleepy.. sometimes i stay in at the bunks provided.. not the best ones i ever saw.. even the toilet water was yellow.. =\ lizard shit everywhere.. blaehZ.. was interesting though to be looking at the cadets tat just came in training... not forgetting their 5.30am sleep disrupting water parades.. >.< i wake up at 7am leiz.. dont lidat lar.. hahaz..
i held my oc appointment only on the last mission... in my previous course there was no talk abt how to plan that particular mission so i was pretty messed up... i'm pretty much used to unit style short briefings and interpreting of map with the main effort spent on the ground assessments.. somemore that day the ds was my co apparently.. hahaz.. performed pretty badly that day manz... somemore the next day was a test i didnt do too well in either.. haiz...
i really enjoy the company of this course.. at first i thought it wont be as fun as ctc syndicate.. coz it seems more competitive.. but after 2 weeks plus the friendship and camaradiere was really strong and fun.. maybe tats why i also lost focus le.. loLx.. i really have to buck up manz... this course i really feel privileged to attend.. maybe due to the high concentration of scholars in my course there was alot of special programs just for us... makes us feel really important manz.. hahaz...
just last night even though i felt really low from the performance in the test and fatigue from the week.. i was obliged to go for the drinking session at the same pub again.. hahaz.. super suay man last night.. they were playing zhong ji mi ma so i joined in... i was super marksman manz.. out of 8 times i guessed i hit the correct number 6 times!! omg.. 1 was even hole-in-one.. hahaz.. hole-in-one = 1 mug.. ouch... thank god they changed the game soon seeing how gone i was already.. >.< due to the rate of drinking i was hallucinating alittle le.. hahaz... held back the puke from the vile tiger beer many times.. went home and was literally hitting everything in my path as i struggled to walk straight.. hahaz.. thankfully today i recovered fast again... didnt waste the day ba...
alright manz.. tml going to ubin to cycle... hope to have some fun... nowadays alot of weekends are spent at home.. 1 to save money.. 2 coz want to have some time alone... one of my old classmates came back to singapore.. was thinking of organising a class outing.. but somemore i didnt feel the drive... so well... haiz... i'm losing all the deming there was in me a year ago.. i only fear i will fall so low that i cannot pick myself up again by i ord...
dEminG noT so dEminG as 2 yeaRs ago huhZ... i wonder..
My mind's unweaving/ 11:49 PM
Sunday, July 09, 2006
aiYaz.. today weather didnt look so good... neither did my tummy.. loLx.. so decided to go for a jog instead... jogged to pongol park went abt 2 rounds and back.. boy its a small world... i saw my canoeing coach teaching wushu~~ hahaz.. didnt call out to him seeing how busy he was.. last time chanced upon him on the mrt too.. but didnt call out to him coz he was with his gf/wife or whatever.. loLx..
haiz.. its hard trying to push myself to run as fast as i can.. esp since i was running alone... i always find the excuse to take a breather first before continueing.. wanted to do abit of sprinting.. but i didnt even do more than once.. on the way back felt my self esteem plummel further.. haiz.. what weak willpower... maybe i should just get my canoe team back together again and train on sundays.. loLx.. fit = self confidence = good looks.. who wouldnt want it?? hahaz.. lazy peoplE!!
went home planning to go get a haircut before meeting up with the sotongz for superman.. but was raining so i spent the time at home just when xy msg me saying may wasnt feeling well so postphone the outing.. so off i went playing games, killing time.. alvin later msged me to drop by cp to meet up with them.. had a chat at bk before going to timezone checking out time crisis 4.. loLx.. looks tough manz.. must hook up with ys abt this le.. hEhz...
just watched pirates of the carribbean.. maybe should ask xy and may if can watch dead man's chest instead of superman.. hahaz.. looks nicer...
haiz.. tml start work again.. still thinking if i should wake up to catch the soccer match... is it worth it?? i havent done anything abt the course up till now.. man i'm such an unmotivated man..
dEmiNG Zi baO zi qI
My mind's unweaving/ 10:22 PM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
wah.. last night was the first time went pubbing after a like 6 months break... >.< was initiated by the nsmen in AOAC.. just the other day the speakers got me quite psyche up in tactics as well as armour as a family... so i felt compelled to join them though the lessons ended like 7pm lidat... got a lift from kw home then took a shower before taking the train to raffles place mrt..
didnt really take a look at the 'ops order' that the nsmen ingeniusly came up with describing the location and place.. was looking for this autosport ktv pub that the nsmen frequent... as i was walking along boat quay i met ian who was just as lost as me.. loLx.. after much deliberation we finally found one of them buying smokes and brought us in...
loLx.. not to be rude but guess i too used to going pubs and clubs ard my age grp one.. the pub was more like erh... middle ages?? loLx... myself and ian almost called the waitress aunty.. >.< we were the first to arrive as the guys came streaming in slowly.. some coz of dinners with company, wife etc etc... by the time they came i unknowingly downed quite some mugs of beer le.. loLx..
later as it got more crowded (better response than i thought!) they started daidee and i finally succumbed to learning daidee (maybe under the influence of alcohol too?) hahaz.. finally understood why the dy chief armour told us playing daidee is good mind training.. loLx.. esp when i was in a sub conscious state le.. =p maybe got too high lar... after a while the smoke/fun/bad singing(by other ppl) felt alittle too light headed so headed outta the pub for some air.. loLx.. by then i knew i was pretty much gone le.. the thoughts in my mind had like a 1.5sec lag before the words came out.. sometimes gibberish too..
after drinking water also bth... haiz.. think abit humiliating.. usually i drink beer like drink water.. so fast was 'gone' le.. so paisey... didnt wanna puke in the pub so i hung ard outside before taking a walk... didnt realise the pub was so close to settler's cafe where i went with s10 peepz that time.. after alittle walk felt better le.. went in then just nice one of my coursemates was leaving le.. so got a ride from him back.. was feeling terrible last night and slept for a few hours without the air con... woke up abt 5am to on air con then slept another 4 hours... thankfully i didnt vomit manz... then when was chatting with my mom this morning then i realise why i gone so fast..
LeSson lEarnT: NEVER DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH!!
dEminG uHhh.. my freakiNg heaD..
My mind's unweaving/ 9:57 PM
Sunday, July 02, 2006
manZ... even though my leg considered to have recovered.. my stamina seems to have dropped dramatically.. today i went off for a run from my house pass woodbridge mental institute, then turn into yio chu kang road.. down to bowen secondary.. turn down and headed straight to hougang stadium... turned left past hougang mall back left all the way straight past buangkok station then home...
i dunnoe how long the run was but i guess maybe it was alittle too ambitious.. after like 3/5 of the run i went this constriction of my chest that hindered my breathing... its like the 15th time it happened to me.. i really wonder if i have a heart condition... walked abit as i caught my breath before moving on...
well though it wasnt a very good exercise due to the chest constrictions.. i worked up quite a sweat.. maybe it'll kick off my resolve to hit the tracks and keep running to push up my stamina and health again... though its kinda lonesome to run alone.. but some part of me just wants to run alone... away from people crictism etc.. maybe once i build it up i'll get people to run with me? =]
next week i'm gonna resume my DSFC.. loLx.. kinda short lived for 5 weeks before it died out since my leg injury from the outfield exercise.. now that i dont feel anything when i run i guess its time to hit the pooLs again~! yEssssS... gonnA booK in tml... maybe i'll try to stay in camp for most of this week.. save up alittle.. really running dry from all those sumptous dinners i had... its painful but i guess cup noodles should suffice..
dEmiNg welL.. i diDn'T =]
My mind's unweaving/ 8:33 PM
loLx.. nothing much to write abt today actually.. more about the week that has elapsed maybe? life hasnt been too happy for myself recently.. feeling tired during the days of my course.. the energy i had to crack a joke or two i had during the cross fam kinda died out... sometimes i really feel that MOI is something people have to work on... whats the point in explaining something for 3hrs and not understan anything or remember anything by the end of the day? i wonder..
today the time was spent catching up some valuable sleep amidst some starcraft:brood war... due to the extreme boredom i also started digging up my love hina comics to read.. after some time it still has re reading value.. considering it was my FIRST comic series i bought in 1999... in the evening i was really so bored i tried asking people out for dinner.. figured asking fab first ba... luckily he was abt to go to suntec with ben... so i asked if i could tag along..
spent a good 30min at kovan mrt waiting for ben.. (lucky i brought my PSP~~ hEhZ) at first we thought of going marina bay for steamboat.. later they thought of going to kovan mac at 11pm to watch the england match... later fab talked abt pasta mania at suntec... in the end we still ended up going to suntec... hahaz... amazingly i met alot of frenz today.. all by coincidence!! at kovan while waiting fab and i spotted preeti.. just as we were going to approach her along came alvin with his fren.. loLx.. at citylink we also met a SRJCian.. dont know her name.. just rmb she was in my frenz class.. the moment i entered suntec i saw chee keong~~ 20 steps later saw charlene.. another 30 steps later saw jeremiah.. loLx.. its a small world!!
after walking a round ard fountain of wealth... still no money came along.. but we settled down at pasta mania and used my 11B to good use.. heHz.. 20% discount for SAF personnel due to the SAF day today... if only can use credit i'll be even happier.. >.< we dropped by carrefour to get some drinks before chilling out above the fountain of wealth as i explored fabby's nintendo DS.. loLx.. got a cooL game called brain age.. touch screen to test the brain abilities to deduce the age.. hEhz..
*yaWns* so tired.. think go sleep le.. tml maybe i'll run a long distance jog... try out a new route instead of the usual around sengkang route.. probably running to woodbridge there.. then to serangoon area and back... see how long i can survive!! hEhz.. hopefully the run will let my resolve and motivation be reborn.. its so long since i felt any drive in me... hopefully i do... hopefully..... i can...
you woulDn't waNna comE betwEen mE.. anD my AK47 =]
dEminG 7 hRs oF slEEp!!
My mind's unweaving/ 12:52 AM
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What used to be a personal blog to chronicle my life when I first started off, Now its just random ravings or thoughts as they come along!!
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