Sunday, June 26, 2005
kkz.. all my bags packed... and i'm ready to go... i feel so sad that i could die... sooooooooooooooooo kisS me and smiLE for me~~ *and goes on~~*.. ---___---||| loLx.. kkz lar mai lame le... my bag is packed le.. since reporting at 11.59pm no point going so early so slacking at home right now... dont know how to have dinner later too.. parents going for dinner, bro got date.. hahaz...
flight will be at dusk tml.. will be going to brunei for support arms officer cadet jungle orientation course.. sandflies.. huge mosquitoes... jungles so thick you transverse at 400m/hr... its time to find out if they're merely rumours or truly that xiong.. hehz.. excited and sianz at the same time.. but more sianz not coz of the trip but coz of the dreading of the new bad regulations awaiting in my new armour camp... bet it gonna get alot of getting used to... its even farther than safti for me... books outs gonna be so sad... >.<
kkz lar.. think abt it later ba... be back on 6th july to tell the story if i survive.. can expect losta rain and footrot... but then 7th straightaway report to camp le.. loLx.. AI huhz... lets see what armour is all about~~ see all of you in 10 days time~!
dEminG
juNgLe so thiCk you raiSe your hanD in fRonT of your faCe aT niGht and you sEe onlY daRkneSs..
My mind's unweaving/ 4:55 PM
Thursday, June 23, 2005
thats where i belong~~ hahaz... thats right.. my worst fears came through.. i'm posted to armour infantry as an officer cadet for professional term... for people who dont know... oCs has 3 terms.. 1. tri-service term 2. service term 3. professional term.. its like a junior - intermediate - senior term kinda thing.. so after my 23km++ route march on tuesday night till wednesday morning, we were awarded our senior bar presentation on top of elephant hill... pretty memorable experience gotta say... all the swaying bodies.. fighting to keep themselves awake.. hahaz...
now i'm having my off-in lieu coz of all those weekends that were burnt previously by training... 4 days till sunday.. but because i'm posted to support arms, we'll be having an exercise in brunei this monday... its classfied stuff to talk about the exercise so cant say much ba... hahaz... will be going to changi airport this sunday midnight and flying off on monday... seems that i'll be back on the 6th of july... following which 7th i'll be reporting to my new camp, school of armour...
the wsm seems kinda friendly to talk too.. yet fearingly ruthless at awarding punishments.. the thought of having a OC that cannot stop running everyday was scary at first but thought was good training for me.. the instructors look kinda dull in comparison with the funny and outgoing instructors at delta i've known for so long... but we'll see lar huhz.. the only bitter thing is that the wsm says that we're not allowed to use our hp without permission.. i.e we have to ask him if we wanna call our mom... manz.. its like malaysia training le.. wont expect to book out much either.. saying that the previous batch with 42 weeks OCS was damn rush le.. now we 38 week ocS.. guess will have alot of weekends burnt too.. soBz..
dEminG
sHE weArs iT foR thE SOldieR.. who weaRs a bLAck bEret!!
My mind's unweaving/ 5:30 PM
Sunday, June 19, 2005
gonna book in later le.. so wont talk much... had rapelling on friday followed by social night at the crown prince... can say the activities nor food were exactly fantastic, but the feeling of being together and chilling out, taking photos and watching that amazing video of our service term sure brought warmth to our hearts, though we still have a few more days together, it felt like we already left that night. ..
hahaz.. one thing in camp was that no one realized my birthday was on the 16th, so was a good and bad thing... good was i managed to evade any hostilities, bad was of course no one in camp did anything funny to me.. >.< but received quite a few sms-es from long time no contacted frenz... even though 2/3 of the msgs were 1 day late, it was nice to think that they still remember a fren like me.. hehz
just now went ps to meet may, xy and winson.. had lunch at swensons and went around shopping.. though i'm still as boring as before, it just felt nice meeting up with other frenz who i havent met some time, they reminded me of my old scouty mates, fabby, amos, benjamin, beng heng etc... hope to meet up with them soon... kkz lar i gtg le... 23km.... ugh... somebody save~~~~~~~~ mE~~~~~~
aliTtle canDid.. hahAz.. DeLTa plAtoon 1!!!
dEminG
thEy saY i'm poSted out... maYbE ARmour inFanTry somEmore.. blEAhz!!
My mind's unweaving/ 5:55 PM
Sunday, June 12, 2005
in my 13 weeks in delta wing.. this is my first long weekend manz.. oMG.. feels great.. booking in on monady night.. now that ex spade and the main outfield exercises are done, only left with a 16km and 23km route march as the main highlights.. recently been more relaxed since spade... played ball games for first time... had more time to slack in bunk and socialize... watched a movie in the briefing room.. even had our first nights out to jurong point!!
will be knowing our postings this coming week hopefully.. i wanna stay in infantry.. although i dont like some of our superiors in the wing, compared to the other support arms, i think i find myself most at home with infantry... rumours say only 50% will stay for professional term... that also means most of our good frenz we've made might be split up... through the outfield exercises, i got the chance to know other guys more closely and found similarities and really trustworthy men... just hope that most of us stick together yup...
this week will be especially short... will be booking out on friday afternoon in prep for the social night... feel kinda lousy whenever i think about the social night.. hahaz.. coz it makes me realize how little 'nu ren yuan' i have.. i thought it wont be too hard just asking a fren to accompany me.. but when i really thought about it, i didn't have really good female frenz as i did have aplenty with my male frenz like amos, fabian, yong shen, weixiong etc etc... so i cant really blame them when they come up with excuses like feeling 'paisey', not dressing up as nicely as the other 'chio gals'.. besides it'll be quite a bother to be my partner too.. loLx..
i actually managed to get my previous classmate to go with me.. but she just been told to go for her cousin's wedding, so i'm back to square one again.. i dont like forcing them to go no matter if she's trying to play tough to get or just uncomfortable about the whole thing.. but apparently the wing wont tolerant people like me... gentlemen huh? its almost like saying men cannot be gentlemen without ladies around.. though it does bear some truth in the saying... i can't help but feeling conformed to these redundent social norms.. i'm not too concerned about social night.. but comms ball i will be super pressurized since its like once in a lifetime thing for every officer cadet.. by then could i really get someone to willingly go with me? only heaven knows..
dEminG
reaLly graTefuL to my faMIly anD frenZ foR thEIr giFts~~!! =]
My mind's unweaving/ 1:44 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
loLx.. fRom saD to toUched to funNy poST.. 3 poSTs huhZ?? see whiCh onE you wanNA reAd bA? the screw up thing about oCS.. SUDDENLY almost all the wings have a BALL on 17th junE.. those kinda like PROM standard.. but more formal and classy kinda.. that they have pre-arranged and we didnt had the chance to refuse (even if we tried, they'll smoke their way through).. if its just a performance or simple meal still can..
but its a expensive occasion.. about $60 per head.. either a hotel or SAFRA mount faber.. somemore they made it that everyone must bring a female partner, friend or girlfriend or else we'll get extras.. that comes up to $120 at onE shoT? loLx.. maybe its just me lar.. call me a loser but i dont have a girlfriend and theres no girl i had in mind to ask.. no one i had crush on or anything..
so i was thinking of asking frenz.. and was talking to my mom (who i havent seen for 3 weeks but was supporting me all the way with motivative messages) and she said about how sensitive girls were about this kinda thing.. loLx.. now i'm in a dillema.. asked my fren but she shy to go.. now also dont know who to ask.. *shRugS* haiz... how convenient if i had a gf huhz? maybe i'll just fall sick and not attend lar.. haiz..
dEminG
wHo woulD wannA go? mayBe i neEd a soCial esCort aGency? loLX!!
My mind's unweaving/ 12:06 AM
Saturday, June 04, 2005
last night i hurried to message my class people.. and was kinda surprised to receive replies despite the late hour.. 2300++hrs.. was haphazard but i managed to get fabby to watch star wars with me at J8.. then chia hong, hua xiang, evelyn and yvonne met us for dinner at pasta mania.. talked alot about army, uni, interests and i also initiated a possibility of a class BBQ.. i got even happier when jia jun, hao yi, weixiong and alvin joined us later too.. we really talked alot.. like we've never met up for so long...
every second i spent there really brough warmth to my dry soul.. honestly depite how nice the guys in my platoon are to me.. they have their close and best frenz of themselves.. i find it hard to place myself with them.. when they have frenz they known for years with them already... still i find times when they just dont register when i talk to them.. but when i met up with fabian.. possibly one of my best and closest fren.. just to see him and the others again.. talking like old frenz really made me feel myself again..
but i feel that im losing myself again.. when alvin was joking about something, they gave me my birthday present.. a billabong cap.. i really swear to god.. its felt like eternity when i felt so overwhelmed with emotions.. i stumbled in speech.. i couldnt thank them properly.. they gave me pats on the back like they know what i really feel and go through.. it was enough to know that this is what true friendship is.. its not the gift.. its the thought.. the willingness and understanding your frenz that struck me.. after being in the army.. i find it hard to feel touched like that.. so gotta apolgise on my part for my shaken behaviour peepz!
i still cant imagine how thoughtful they were despite i being unable to be in contact with them so long.. its almost like they feel it when i gaze at all those photos in my bunk and think of them.. my frenz... 2S04, the SRJC canoeing team, my family, 1S10'03... my birthdays still like 1 and a half away and was totally unexpected.. really love them alot.. its these people i wanna hold dear.. i want to protect.. i want to make proud.. i want to make happy.. to all of them.. i will return once i finish my NS.. and i will be the same old brand new me again!!
dEminG
a soLdiEr that thE sAF needS does noT eQuAte to whaT a gReat man shoUld bE..
My mind's unweaving/ 11:53 PM
wasn't too tiring on one trip.. but after all the reportings plus your training schedule.. you get really worn out and fatigued.. weekends were pretty ok.. once every 2 hour.. so had time to read comics, sleep surplus and do admin matters.. the only problem was i couldnt book out for the long weekend (vesak day) and a normal book out.. what really ached was on book out days when everyone is so happy and excited.. i find it hard to smile at them and be myself.. i didnt expect them to pity me or anything.. but it just felt odd how they dont seem to notice...
for those 3 weeks, i went through platoon field camp and exercise spade just recently both at marsiling area.. platoon was tough and we got alot of scoldings till there wasn't anything to feel good abt.. we saw more of our PC and grew to dislike his methods in different ways.. spade recently was a digging defense ops.. hahaz.. was really tiring... 4D3N of digging.. i dug my own shell scrape.. helped 5 people dig theirs, helped to dig the command post, alternative GPMG trench, helped carry meals to the different trenches, went on dusk patrols, helped with the triple concertina wire.. it was the first time i felt so busy in fatigue work that i barely had any rest...
ex spade was memorable for what we did due to 3N of no sleep.. cases of people "levitating" "jerking" "nodding off" and even our instructor feigning as one of us in the dark.. was really funny to talk abt it after it ended.. finally booked out this morning.. after SOC.. put alot of effort but was held back by a locked gate but fortunately the instructors compensated me 30seconds and EXACTLY hit the passing mark of 09.29min.. hEHz...
gonna be end of service term in 3 more weeks.. going to pro term.. no idea if im going to stay in infantry (i.e delta wing) coz i really hate the WSM.. maybe all of them are lidat.. but why are they so unreasonable and stubborn? its the cadets that suffer when instructors and the WSM have conflicting instructions and they'll both vent their anger on us.. its so immature and stupid... delta wing i feel attached to is the guys and some instructors.. but those particularly spoil my aspirations of the army and how it worked so much so that i just dont want to come under the administration disciplinary matters of delta.. but infantry is where i belong too.. =p
hopefuly will book out next weekend too.. just got another punishment festival.. 1:rusty weapon.. i tried to oil and wipe the rust as instructed by WSM.. but it rusted again and now im liable to another 7 days RCP.. just hope it doesnt happen.. 2:unclean weapon.. i cleaned the barrel and bolt carrier, bottom of gas regulator, gas pipe and exterior really nicely.. then he had to check the sides of the regulator and i have to do show parade for 1 week.. great huh?? once again im gonna miss the world again... those 3 weeks everyday i tried not to think.. but deep down i miss my family.. i miss my friends.. i want to message them.. to talk to them.. but i didnt know how to initiate a conversation.. they never do message me either.. i felt so depressed and robotic.. those 3 weeks were spent like a soldier.. one without feelings.. just following orders.. it helped so much not to feel emotional at all.. but end of it all i just felt empty...
dEminG
why aM i so unFortunate?
My mind's unweaving/ 10:52 PM
Boat Shoe from Timberland
Green Scarf from Hermes