Saturday, April 23, 2005
phew.. another book out... yesterday was one of the most f*** up days in OCS.. they didnt specify a book out timing.. and we ended up booking out at 10.30pm.. so much for projected book out timing.. its understandable if the activites get held back by weather like yesterday's rain prior to our 4km fast march.. but its the dragging of matters that made matters worst.. moreover many people in my platoon were hit by the "extras" orgy.. those who didnt pass their signals test were scolded and given an confinement... though its their fault that they didnt really study for it.. getting extra for that didnt seem logical...
then i came in.. coz during the signal test the question paper had a printing mistake.. so the invigilator told us about it.. accidentally i just made a correction to the question... unfortunately its a rule that we cant write anything on the question paper.. so its a 'failure to comply with instructions' and almost 30 guys would be doing defaulters parade later.. myself included.. then there was my buddy who forgot to sign out for his rifle.. so my armskote oic went to look for him to sign.. he got caught by our WSM and somehow or another he could blame us for not making sure he didn't make the mistake.. no matter how he said it.. my conscious was clear.. my oic did the right thing.. unless he wants to leave that signature blank and become a security breach? making the extra effort to get the thing signed so that our instructors can clear the armskote... and all 3 of us - the armskote I.Cs got 3 extras AKA 3 weekends little to no bookout...
the longer i stay in the army.. the more i am convinced i dont want to stay.. its not those kinda 'give up' mentality.. i look forward to my officer course.. to commission.. to learn the tactics.. to be proficient in skills.. but even so, the army as many would agree has its glory and cock ups as well.. regimentation sometimes reach the extent of unreasonability... dishing out punishments for mistakes just for the sake of setting the 'fear' of committing mistakes... and leaving no room for mistakes.. the intent is inevitable.. but the way by which they do it is hard to concur..
nonetheless 1 month has passed in ocs le.. i feel happy as my physical fitness is improving... but one thing i hate about myself... is how weak i am... through canoeing i have learnt how to really push myself mentality.. and i can safely say i have pushed myself mentality for all those ET runs... from 4km to 8km.. or the 4km fast march yesterday night.. giving up kept crossing my mind.. but i didnt want to succumb to it.. but i realised that it isn't enough to be a officer.. i must admit combat fitness is my ultimate weakness.. carrying loads that amount almost 65% of my weight and moving around with a helmet saps me faster than anything else i done in my life.. as much as i wish to be a combat leader.. wanting to lead men in battles.. i figured my physique will only land me a job in the admin side of officers... i'm depressed at times and angry at times at myself... i keep pushing myself mentally to an extent that i feel others cant really understand.. yet the results arent as good as others.. in reality army needs results... not processes.. i'll continue to train hard.. but if they feel that im not up to it... i wont be surprised if they sent me out of course...
for i believe that 'whatever doesnt kill me.. only makes me stronger...'
but of course.. after yesterday.. as when we were marching out in frustration.. we want to shout out loud.. we want to cry it out loud... aLwayS loOK on thE bRighT side oF liFE~~ *whistlEs*
dEminG
goinG baCk to tEkonG tml tiLL fRIday foR fiEld camP.. hopE i wiLl noT lET my comradEs down!
My mind's unweaving/ 10:26 AM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
heyZ!! book ouT~~ yesterday supposed to be an 12nn book ouT.. thanks to stand by area.. we got held till 2pm.. then took cab that jammed and got home only at 3pm... damn! did the reflections and some anime watching b4 went to meet ys, kl, kkk, wk and jk at chomp chomp to eat... had one hella feast.. eating BBQ stingray, kai lan, carrot cake, fried omelette, kway teow, hokkien mee and sugar cane juice~~ hahaz.. later even went cartel to have a cuppa oreo frappucino while watching soccer... felt nice to meet up with my frenz again.. though the ocs frenz are a great bunch too, most of them knew each other for a year or 2... i only know them for 4 weeks so far.. so it feels good to meet up with old frenz for a simple meal and chat...
today went to cp to meet wailing after much thought on the matter... though i made up my mind not to continue, the talk helped me fortify my decision and actually strengthened my resolve to pursue my passions.. money does do weird things to the world.. hahaz.. but i wont be getting the money back too soon i think.. as much as i want the money back i also dont wanna screw up my decision~~
kkz lar.. booking back in soon.. at 2030hrs.. mom cooking dinner so can stay home longer.. hehz.. been d/ling a few new animes, namely erementor gerard, futakoi alternative, ichigo 100% and tsubasa reservoir.. pretty cool coz out of the 4 i got 3 of them as comics b4 the first anime came out... looks pretty good.. look forward to the next few book outs to d/l them~~ hEhz.. but i might be staying in till 30th april .. coz going for section field camp back in tekong next week.. so wont be able to attend the college day le coz having matador range on 30th april till 8pm.. blEahz.. may day!! going sentosa~~ hEhz.. cant wait.. kkz lar.. go rest and pack le.. byEZ!
dEminG
f*** spiDer~~ (why you ask?? coz they build cobwebs in my bunk and cause me to be confined in camp!! tmD!)
My mind's unweaving/ 2:07 PM
Thursday, April 14, 2005
just went for lunch after days of staying home throughout.. was nice to get some fresh air again.. had lunch at nearby foodcentre.. was just the dismissal time for the nearby sengkang secondary school.. just having lunch there made me think of how these naive kids will become future soldiers or men that i might just be leading... how envious of the gals talking abt small gossips and complaints about school.. on my way home even saw a kindergarden class of children.. really adorable ones~~ =] do they know of what men like me are doing?
not that im depressed or anything.. its more of a feeling of emptiness yet new sense of identity.. somehow i tried to think of the past.. the times when my heart felt loved, neglected, excited etc... somehow its hard to remember those fond memories.. who was the one i used to want to love so much.. who are the ones that wanted to love me... somehow it cant be pictured... maybe its good.. cause i wont feel so sad to be going back to camp... maturity? i dont know.. i sure do not obsess myself with silly affairs of the heart anymore.. but does that also warrant inhumanity? love huh.... means nothing to me now... all that i can think now is how much i want my family, my friends, my comrades to be happy... thats all...
dEminG
feElinGs... with thEm iTs hEll.. withouT thEm iTS voiD...
My mind's unweaving/ 1:58 PM
and thats how i got my first attd C in my SAF life up to now.. 2nd visit to MO.. the safti MC was pretty nice.. gave me the feeling of a polyclinic.. but as usual the MO wasnt too receptive as it seems he was about to have a run himself but had to be called in the check me out.. i was given the 3days rest at home... felt kinda sianz coz 3 days in ocs was alot of important activities.. comparatively, it wasnt too bad as they were mainly lessons and parades.. lessons i still can catch up as long as i make it for the tests and parades.. well.. i dont think drills are that important to me.. as long as i can do the parade with 1 rehearsal or so should be fine i hope..
so i've been resting at home and gonna report back to camp later in the evening.. yesterday was the bad case.. when my eyes got super pain and pus was so concentrated my vision was blurry.. i practically stayed home for this 48 hours or so.. parents buying meals and all.. today it isnt that pain le.. just alittle red... i wonder if its caused by infection from a guy who got sore eye before me.. or just the continuous lack of sleep that affected me... eitherways.. hope i wont be getting this kinda thing anymore... back to oCS!!
also kinda sad.. heard rumours from my platoon mates that the other guys in sispec have very low morale... been blog hopping and its demoralising to see how my old frenz are being depressed thanks to the army.. hopefully its just during this stage that they feel this way.. the so called NS experience.. shouldnt just be depression and living for the sake of doing.. haiz... thinking age huhz? 3rd generation (3G) army huhz.. weird stuff.. is it just that we think too much.. that army has such an adverse effect on my frenz? just hope to catch them this weekend for a chat... take care!
dEminG
2 yEaRs is a vEry shoRt time.. then we'LL bE back to ouR belOVEd ciViliAN lives!!
My mind's unweaving/ 9:39 AM
Sunday, April 10, 2005
urgh... finally 2nd book out... wah lao eh.. so much things to say... actually i keeping a journal in my camp that we have to write for pc to read sometimes too.. but book out le cant possibly tell everything.. been 2 weeks huh?? actually for one week we spent 3 days on tours that seems like excursions lorz.. coz we are the scholar wing, we are all invited for army navy and air force visits as they try to convince people to sign onto the SAF... army was with the armour HQ where we had live firepower demonstration, navy actually sailed out on a FCU to board the LSTs (the ones that left for aceh) for a tour onboard the ship and back.. like cruise lidat.. even went to the airbases to have a ride on a super puma helicopter~! oMG!!!
after that we had a series of field pack inspections in view of the upcoming leadership field camp... every night before we slept we had inspection, being screwed and all and thrown back to sleep with little to 10min of admin time.. nv had time to wash clothes personally so had to use the washing machines.. the field camp itself was really fun and tiring.. as it was split to missions and navigation exercises.. unlike bmt, we had navigations with full battle order.. hike till my legs blister like siao again.. we even had to carry a signal set ard.. when it was my turn, "LUCKY" that we start climbing the ridges.. going up and down up and down and up and down... f***!!! its like after reaching the top of one slope.. you see it going down.. then UP again a steeper slope~~ can foam manz....
but the navis really wore me out mentally coz i was pushing my mind as my physical combat fitness gave up very quickly.. couldnt think well after that.. but we had missions on the 2nd day that were combat based.. i led a small raiding party that successfully wipe out a careless section that was trying to flank us.. hehz.. nice~~ but we were on self-discovery as we werent taught on how to patrol or attack tactics.. so they said we were quick crappy in our plans.. blEahz...
when we returned we started learning weaponry in view of our live firing coming up.. we learnt how to strip and assemble the SAR21 and SAW as well as its IA drills.. manz.. at first i wasnt good as usual with them.. but after sometime i actually did pretty well and was one of the few guys that could meet the 1min assembly time for the SAW~~ hehz.. but im also the armskote 3IC.. AKA sign extra guy.. gawd.. armskote every night sleep damn late coz have to clear arms and check every single thing... people been sleeping for 6 hours.. i sleep for like 5 hours... was hoping they give us more sleep after field camp.. now i realise how wrong i was to complain that time when we lights out at 2215 and reverie at 0515.. hahaz.. at least its 7hours of sleep!!
anyways now im in service term le.. wearing 2 white strips... no more lanyard.. means vulnerable for extras.. many of my frenz kana like 3 to 6 extras already.. hope i dont get anyone too soon.. but we also finally got our green beret.. hehz.. pretty cooL.. like my beret manz.. but no time to take pic with it.. kkz lar.. gotta book in soon le.. long trip back to saFti.. booking out next weekend.. hope can see more frenz next week.. yesterday only met up with paochern and ys played xbox games like doom 3(f***ing scary lorz) and chat with some frenz online like rs and laysee~~ really appreciate my frenz alot more.. but everyday i have little time for myself.. so didnt have time to send out messages or call anyone to chat.. but then no one messages me either... haiz... hope that next week can have one big gathering instead... kkz... gtg... live range tml!! gonna shoot SAW and SAR21!! loLX.. chiLL!!
lookS shoRt eh?? try climbinG up anD down thE knoLls with 60% load of your body weiGhT~ >.<
dEminG
knoLls.. smALl hiLls.. arenT that SmaLl afTer alL~~
My mind's unweaving/ 3:40 PM
Boat Shoe from Timberland
Green Scarf from Hermes