Daryl L.D.M

Sunday, May 15, 2005

hey peepz... another book out.. hahas.. wont be so lucky next few weeks.. coz of my misfire of a blank.. i got an upgrade from a 7 days RCP to 14 days RCP.. basically means i have to pack my field pack and march up to ops room about once every hour.. it is punishment by taking up alot of my free time.. already have so little.. with this it'll be worst.. 14 days also means the weekends i'll stay in camp and just wait to report to the ops room too... haiz... say what... some high level conference decided to upgrade the punishment for 1st time offenders from 1 week to 2 week.. aRgh..

anyways i went to marsiling/mandai area for my patrol field camp.. did alot of paperwork on the field and practising planning for missions.. very meticulous i must say.. even so in the end the situation cant be contained within your planning at times too... wonder if it is really that necessary to be so intricate.. marsiling was a few campsite and it actually used to be a cemetry.. so sometimes i find myself proning next to remains of a old tombstone..

it also rained heavily the 2nd day morning and we had to hold out in the harbouring site.. wearing our goretex jacket and waiting for the rain to stop.. sitted on a slope of a knoll the mud, water seeping into your clothes was not too comfortable.. i wasnt too affected probably coz i really love to be in the water.. loLX.. when the wind blows very heavily and water hit my face.. it kinda felt like canoeing again... =]

well i dont know if i ever said anything about my bunk buddy.. but sometimes though i find myself very patient with him.. he tends to get pissed off easily that pisses me off even more.. he's a really messy guy.. probably the kinda that has maids to clean up after him.. for the 6 weeks i was armskote.. i always made the effort to tidy my area to a reasonable standard and keeping my stuff in cardboards i knew where it was.. now he's the armskote ic.. so he keeps running off to do duties.. though i admit it is alittle more hectic than before.. he practically throws things all over his bed and table.. so yesterday before book out.. i told him in the morning when we woke up once to pack up later.. he said 'ok ok i know.. i'll do it..' after PT breakfast and all.. he returned alittle later due to duties but spent time cutting his toenails and packing up his field pack.. unfortunately he rushed off again and didnt return till like half an hour till inspection.. so i got really turned off to see his bed still in the same state since morning.. so i threw his stuff into the wardrobe or drawers according to what i would do for my own stuff.. packed up his bed, cleaned the windows, swept the floor, pulled and changed his bedsheet.. and only got kaylash's help to clean the fan..

then prior to inspection he came back and thanked me.. just as i was about to talk to him about how he didnt really do what i asked him to, he shouted loudly at me.. "oei! i know ok?? i'm very busy ok? i dont wanna talk about this!" this was the 2nd time le.. once he raised his voice as i advised him to be more decisive and urgent.. i still can take it.. maybe i was too naggy.. but i changed my tone to be more serious and yet i really wanted to say "just try to inculcate habit of keeping your stuff in where it should be when you're not using them" prevention is better than cure right? and he raised his voice at me.. i've been really patient with him.. though he is good at thinking about some army stuff.. his personal habits are unbefitting of an officer.. he never thinks twice about asking me for help.. and i never rejected them.. but sometimes i wonder does he even try to do it on his own before asking me to help?? its so regular its almost like he always get people to help him do small things too.. honestly speaking i almost snapped when he yelled at me.. i could well argue back and beat the hell out of him.. so what if you're a scholar.. a busy armskote man.. cant you hear me out? i purely want to help him help himself.. guess he's just too self centred to listen.. my temper died down alittle over the bookout.. but if he does that again next time.. i wont take it so lightly anymore

kkz lar.. anyways tml i'm going back to marsiling till thursday for platoon field camp.. might be made the GPMG assistant.. carrying a load of crap that weighs a ton.. think its almost 2 and a half the weight of field pack.. haiz... my mental can take training, weights, pushing yourself.. but carrying such loads really murder me.. look forward to vesak day.. though might not have much book out time due to RCP, i really want to have more time for myself.. to not think about anything and relax.. i always think about money matter.. about my future in uni.. about the money i placed in nti which i might not be able to get back.. haiz.. life's harsh huh... maybe its just me..

dEming
sometimes i think the best way to enjoy the time is to be alonE...

My mind's unweaving/ 3:57 PM

Sunday, May 08, 2005

thats our new fall out cheer... so its week 6 (?) cant keep count le... and finally my armskote duties come to a close.. the longest serving armskote around.. but this week was far from enjoyable.. we had almost 3 days of busy armskote duties due to GPMG lessons with all the extra accessories cum extra paperwork cum extra possibilities of cock ups... moreover my armoskote men kept changing thanks to the inability to decide on who to become to cwsm.. in 1 week i trained 3 guys in different fields and though i repeated some.. they were different in ways...

one thing i realised about delta is that the greatest problem is the cadets.. although im not the super garung type.. i'm the kinda who knows when to relax to let others do the job and when to help out.. but there're issues of 'snatching to be the leader' cadets being unable to close their mouths.. though i admit im BORING.. its because i keep quiet most of the time.. though talking cock at times is good.. i cant believe how much they lack in self discipline or awareness of what is going on around him..

my wing has lost/damaged a tremendous amount of equipment through the different outfields.. armskote always has problems of people FORGETTING to send arms.. FORGETTING to sign... not having the self conscious to find out what to do... its sad to say but many guys though i like them for their personalities.. like what our instructors said.. they aren't really cut off to be officers to be from where they stand now.. they cant think on their own two feet.. they need to be scolded.. threathened, punished before they can work.. the moment they lessen the intensity of punishment.. everyone slacks.. and the domino effect affects all...

this week been of much dread of what other problems will surface with that attitude.. and true enough the inevitable happened last night when the instructors swore to start whacking us...we ended live firing at 10pm++.. we got punished, clean arms, punished, inspection of arms till 4am... as armskote i ended at 0530hrs today.. i bathed.. brushed teeth and the guys just started to wake up.. i wish i could say something that could wake these men up.. their potential as individuals are there.. but the lack of an integrated spirit is what pulls us down.. but the fact is.. delta cadets do not listen to people without appointment/ranks.. many times i did what i did best.. motivate.. but these guys hear from one ear and come out of the other.. when i try to warn them of dangers, they do not take me seriously.. thinking "argh~~ i already know that".. and then? it happens.. then all they can say is sorry sorry...

i really dont know what will it take to change the path.. instructors chipping in now may change their mindset drastically.. though it will be tough.. i hope it works.. these men as "scholars" tend to be more stuck-up.. stubborn to their beliefs and unwilling to hear "non-scholars" or "stranger" person like me... i'm the only guy from SRJC in the whole 105 men.. they spend time talking about riddles that make themselves feel smart.. they cant stop talking when they start.. even when ppl "shh.. "them.. they still go on talking.. as the instructors call it.. the "set up GS table" on the field.. setting up a 'table' and having a forum of sorts just to make simple decisions.. so much so sometimes i find that my decisions come under much scrutiny and discussion when it could have saved much more time...

on a closer level, im more worried about the armskote now that new men are taking over.. just last night.. they didnt fill up many fields that pose much security breaches.. they did the paperwork hapharzardly that caused much cancellations and corrections.. in the rush they kinda messed up the transition of arms.. and caused a few guys to get punished.. even i wasnt spared as my 2nd ic did not sign out and i have to write out 500 lines of 'i wont forget to *blah blah blah*'.. im booking in at 2000hrs later.. i booked out at 0700hrs earlier.. what a life huh? patrol field camp and more outfields coming up... i just pray that these men will wake up from the daze.. they are officers to be.. not national conscripts.. they do not have the pride in themselves as i have in ocs.. and because of that.. my faith is wavering... haiz... many i'll volunteer to be some discipline administor?? hahaz.. kkz gotta sleep.. havent slept at all.. gooD niGht

dEminG
thE riGht founDation tHe riGht plaCe.. thE wronG minDset => faiLure

My mind's unweaving/ 8:43 AM