today started off well... it was all planned the day b4... met up marcus in the morning at his place to put my stuff for the swim later and departed for a jog.. think was about 5km in a single direction... obviously my stamina plummeted badly as i panted for breath and had to stop marcus from running after we reached the tamp park connector... walked back as we chatted coupled with a few sprints here and there... got back to his place.. packed up and left for a swim... thankfully the rain clouds were pushed away by the clouds... was really sunny.. so i finally managed to get a tan after 2 weeks spent in vain.... went home.. played games.. designed the pictures for a mug... and then..

the day changed...

i left my home in high spirits.. dancing to music on my cd-player as i walked... it didn't matter how ppl stared at me.. i felt the peace and fun in me that flowed with the music... met eve and kl at hougang mall whom i asked 20min b4 that to join me... was a little later... was apologetic... went to shop... and the sales girl gave me the first shock of the day.....

the mugs were out of stock....

dillemma hit me as i realised how my plans have gone awry... the straight away thought was that of going to tampines mall to find the other branch to do it.... but from the looks of kl and eve.. i knew that they had other plans.... despite the disappointment i felt.. i just felt that they were not obliged to accompany me.. so i just bade them farewell as i left to take 27 to tamp....

i didn't know why at first... in my mind as i walked to the bus stop... thoughts rushed thru my head... anger felt paramount in my heart... i asked myself.. was it becoz of the owner? was it becoz of them? or was it becoz that i didn't do it earlier... it felt like a wasted trip.. but something in me told me it wasn't over.... no matter how kl tried to convince me to do it on another day or another way... i stubbornly refused to accept... becoz after thinking i realised all these days since i thought of the gift.. its been in my head... as a dream... and i dont want anything to break that dream....

many thoughts went thru my mind again as i took the bus... i saw images rush past my eyes as i took my bio pract book to study... another picture went across my mind... my class.... the guys.... the girls... i always enjoyed the company of the guys... but the ones way the gals respond... still disheartens me... i reached the conclusion b4.. that they were just shy.. and that i wasn't frenly to them... i was naive back then... all these... all these pain and suffering i feel in my heart... is not becoz of them.... its becoz of something...... else...

i never hated anyone in my life... i only hate the way the world has changed them... how the world and society has corrupted the virtues of life.... these are apparent to me.. as i feel disgust and contempt for frenz i always hold dear... that show how they have succumbed to this.... i remember that i wrote on the side of my blog the dream that i wish to accomplise... "BRING HAPPINESS TO ALL THAT I KNOW"... though it sounds inaccomplishable to all.. even myself.. its a dream.. that i'll never let go...

LOVE... everyone says that... everyone knows that... but everyone threw it away.... is love equalled to gifts? to phonecalls? many times i felt lonely... becoz i was devoid of love... not those children and youth fantacize about.. but ones i can really feel from my heart... times when my family.. my frenz.. seems to have left me alone... i thought that it wasn't fair to expect love from them all the time.. but yet... this fairness have gone on to bring on the mentality that one can show love only when he/she is free... only when he/she has time.... but given so.. wouldn't love procrastinate?? when was the last time YOU felt love??? i remember the song by black eyed peas... the lyrics didn't matter to me.. the title did... "WHERE IS THE LOVE?"

commercials.. ads.. all know what is true... love cames from the heart.. and so.. cushions... bears... all bear the sign of the heart.. but i want to ask... like the song abovementioned.. "WHERE IS THE HEART?" unlike sciences.. the arts... no one have ever taught one how to love.. not even god... how to feel... how to have emotions.. no one gave the absolute answer.. and more than anything else... mankind have changed and corrupted the purity of the word LOVE... no dictionary has given a sound definition for it... becoz no one can find a general love... it is subjected to everyone's diff personality.. but one thing i can bet my life on... is that to see that is loved.. is to see how the one is HAPPY...

happiness in my society today... to me.. it was portrayed in smiles... thats why i render myself silly... spend more effort than anyone else... to make ppl smile.... one of which is presents... i myself have just bought 2 presents for my frenz who's bdae is coming... but as i walked in tampines mall as i looked for the shop.. i look at gift shops and i ask... what do presents mean? not to my mind of contention.. but to the heart of fulfilment.. everything i spend 15-50 dollars of gifts... i always felt happy.. becoz i took time to think of how the receipient will respond.. how happy he/she will be... but all this.. doesn't make sense to me anymore... i dont expect many to buy presents for me.. instead i HOPED that ppl do like me... spending the time and effort selflessly.. to search for something that will touch the heart... but obviously my hopes are dashed...

presents.. they give joy... yes... they always do.. but HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD THAT SMILE!?~!?~?! i regret to feel how ppl have belittled the meaning of gifts... to just the spending of money for someone else other than self... if i have not bought gifts for all my frenz these few years.. there's so much i can buy to my heart's desire... the camera i always wished for... the book i always wanted to read.. the room i always dreamed of entering.. but then... there are things money can't buy... and i used to think as long as i try... i can get it... company.. companionship... care... concern... LOVE.... no.... its easier said... than done... the smiles i receive when i pass my gifts... are they from the heart? if so? why does it disappear tml? all the gifts i received in my life... has always been in some place in my heart.. if you ask me now.. i can tell you almost all the presents i keep.. who gave them to me.. and how much i appreciate him/her

APPRECIATE.... is that loVE? i work so hard in school... as a captain... as a CT rep... all for one purpose... no.. maybe two... is to help others to be happy.... and yet... honestly... in my heart.. my 2nd dream is to be appreciated... i know of all ppl.. jc students are busy ones... but they have forgotten how to appreciate.. NOT JUST ME.. but the others who live by their side... when i see them forsake that feeling... i knew... nothing i do can change them now... the world has changed... society has changed.. and so have... true meaning of life changed...

i dont claim to be almighty and wise.. but i can grant that god gave me a gift i would never forsake for anything else.. is the power to FEEL... for anything... anyone... no certs... no jobs can qualify this power i have... but with this strength.. i can see all the ruptures in the society.. in my frenz... in the world... thats why.. when ppl fight.. ppl drag their feets... they dont feel... i do.. i feel the sadness as i gazed upon them... as i looked and cried within... i know what they dont see... but i do not have the power.. to help them.. to change them......thats why..... my heart cries out in pain....

i feel that im born in the wrong time.. in the wrong society... but then.. i know god gave me the eyes to see for a reason... in this world where feelings are secondary to success.. i live on day to day... thru pains that i feel for others... thru happiness ppl bring to me... but every morning when i awaken... all the pains have been forgotten.. and that mission i felt entrusted to me still holds strong.. naive as this dream maybe.. i hold a silent oath with my soul.. i shall wish it all my life... and change with whatever power i may garner.. this society that turned vile from development... with these small hands and body... i'll lift this small weight i can carry... i cannot grant solutions.. but i know.. i can give one thing to others... HOPE i pray that one day.. that that hope reaches out to everyone in this world.. and one day... even after i pass my time in this world... that i have started the change... to this world...

the day ended in good light... despite the embarassment of being gazed upon as i had my dinner alone at pasta mania... i found the shop at century square instead of tamp mall.... thankz to monikA~~ i finally found courage to continue... and despite the failure to get the gift done by tuesday... i stopped rationalising my losses.. instead... giving TRUE hope... for a more realistic dream.... as i feel the dream of giving coming back into me.. i did one thing i hadn't done since i left from hougang mall... i felt the victory of my spirit.. the vigilance of never wanting to give up my dream.... and god has granted me that heartfelt wish.... i SMILED

dEminG
sElflEssnEss is not a resPonsiLibiTY.. its aN oAth to onEselF to aCcompliSh...

whoa.. yesterday went on my 2nd star general (coined by fabby).. loLx.. 2nd night i pia-ed for my night study scheme (NSS).. but coz i realised i was getting plump i went for running... ran 2 rounds sprint jog... then 6 rounds of jogging.. it turnt out worst than imagined.. loLx.. after the 2 round i was breathless and aching at my side le.. but then my mental didn't weaken yup.. hahaz... managed to complete the 8 rounds and then met clibby at the gym to do some weights... though my muscles seemingly shrunk... my strength still the same leiz.. still can carry my weights.. =/ but then later pok jio me run interval with him.. hahaz.. only survived one round.. >.< then faster go slack somewhere...

after taking a look at the J1s training i went back to the aquarium to study... saw madeline and fabby there... did some bio... then madeline was asking for some help for GP.. hEhez.. so of coz i lent her my thoughts lorz.. =] i really enjoying teaching GP leiz... hahaz... to my classmates... J1s... frenz.. and also discussing with other JC ppL... coOL stufF.. endured till 9pm when the NSS ended... on our way out the J1s were like making weird noises and all.. befitting of the abovementioned title.... (eh.. now lunar 7th month leiz...) =p

today amazingly attendance was even better than monday!! hahaz.. for my class ba... cant say for sure abt the other classes... (the LTs look vacant) but then after the 2 lectures eviL lyn, yvonnE and shou zhu skipped sch.. loLx.. and during GP we found out that mr tan actually SAW them running out.. loLx... so un-pro... they sure need some help... during GP itself mr tan MIA so long.. so i got restless and started presenting my essay plan.. gotta say its quite fun.. sharing my thoughts with the class... hahaz... can see ppl like fabby,wl,rs,preeti paying attention.. dunnoe abt the rest of the guys.. hahaz.. now ever more motivated.. coz the more i teach and speak.. the more natural my thoughts are.. so gotta say it benefits me alot!! oh yEAH~~~

recently i just finished watching this drama anime series called Koi Kaze... i told fabby alittle abt it... but he was totally like "shut up!! don't corrupt me".. loLx.. hey heyz... relac ppL.. this drama does touch on sensitive issues... well.. its a question of social norms.. the issue of INCEST.. loLx.. b4 ppl start bringing the stakes up to burn me... i gotta say this anime really left an impact on me... dont worry.. i only got an elder bro... and the anime revolves abt "STRIAGHT" incest.. well... the siblings were separated at birth... so they didnt know each other when they first met.. when they found out it turnt uncomfortable and weird.. as they developed feelings towards each other... the struggle of true love... and societal norms... it was sad yet touching at the same time sometimes.. but also moments of disgust and contempt for the characters at times... but in the end... well... they DID it... left this kinda unconcluded feeling in me.. that makes me question... are all societal norms bane or necessity to life? do catch the anime if you're intrigued.. =]

well tml's physics pract... after that gonna swim and go check out the teachers day's presents we could do... i just bought a warcraft novel:well of eternity.. and a billabong pencil case... so i'm quite broke now.. hahaz.. diE le...but first gotta focus on studies yepz.. yesterday maybe chiong too much so today i was damn shagged.. guess i'll turn in alittle earlier tonight~~ jA~neh~!

dEminG
nSs... bRIngs ouT thE ghoST in you... *shriEkS*

My mind's unweaving/ 8:27 PM

Sunday, August 22, 2004

HmmZ.. haven't been blogging recently... hahaz.. getting a little lazy... but today abit more free so write an entry... actually this dusk i had a dream.... a weird one at that.... it felt so real that i can virtually see myself and alot of familar faces.... interacting and speaking the way i would normally do.... when i first woke up i got this feeling that i forgot something important... as time went by pieces kept coming in and i managed to piece up part of my dreams...


i cant really remember what happened in the beginning.. but i think like 2/3 of my dream that i recalled what happened.... well the first part was actually like a recollection.. it was a picture of my old school... st gabriel's.. the 159 bus stop i always used to take to serangoon central... it was like years ago when the new compound was still under construction... i can't really remember what happened... but it felt like i was upset over something... that i decided to give up on my cca... i wasn't sure... but it felt like boy scouts.. with girls in it! loLx.. talk abt weird... was waiting for a bus... the bus stop had quite a big grp... but i wasn't sure if they were students or all strangers... but strangely i had this feeling of closeness with them... i wonder...

alot of things happened... but another part was like an action movie.. loLx!! no kidding.. but it felt so real manz... it felt like i was like some kinda fugitive... >.< but then... as usual... the guilty conscience wasnt there... so its like the "SELF VS the OTHER" kinda thing.. =p well... the only scene i recalled was being in some kinda auditorium... red seats... cushioned type... i wasnt sure if there was a performance.. but i actually dreamt that i was with my frenz.. hahAz... and somehow they knew something was gonna happen to me... they tried to avoid my detection... i ever remembered that i whispered something cooL to my fren.. hAhaaz... then another gap in my recollection...

somehow things turnt ugly.. but weirdly.. half of the auditorium didn't seem aware of what happened... i think maybe i silenced some bad guys? (assumption) loLx... then at the top where normally the ava ppl were.. i actually dreamt of throwing a grenade in... i was hinting to my frenz to take cover.. was abt to throw it in when i saw that another 2 of my frenz were inside.. i hesitated... and some guy popped out.. and shot the shit outta me... omG!!! i felt myself bleeding.. *REALLY!!* and things went in slow motion... i went weak and fell down the stairs... those kinda FLY kinda fall.. not roll down.. i reach the bottom bruised.. i felt my arm was like shot... it felt numb yet painfully sharp at the same time... at the stage left i was like trying to shout in pain.. but nothing came out... or it seemed.. the ppl in front seemed indifferent to me... i begun rolling ard.. the pain started to intensify.. and i felt the energy sipping out of my body... even though i was asleep.. the other half seems to really feel that the blood is being drained in my arm.... things started to whisk across my mind... flashes.... then.... i begun to feel even weaker.... then.....










I WOKE UP!!

oh manz... that was one hella dream.. loLx.. alot of my frenz appeared... the same look the same ppl i know well.. dont wanna mention their names.. loLx.. feels weird... but all of them are 1986 ppL leiz.. hmMz... one thing abt dreamz... i nv believed dreams that i see ghosts/unnatural things happen... but once b4 in my life... there was this gal i wanted to buy a gift for... i think i forgot.. but the night b4.. i actually dreamt of something... erh... better not say ba.. loLx... but then the biggest picture that hit me was... a dolphin... and i bought her a dolphin necklace that looked really great.... =] so to me.. that dream actually told me what to do right... but most other dreams i have had no relation to my life... but this one was unusually real...but i actually felt like i had alot of fun when i woke up.. hahaz... wonder if it really might affect my life in a way... will i be shot in an auditorium....

well.. the day was as usual... went out with my parents to suntec.. it was DAMN sunny today... perfect day for swim lorz.. aiyoz... went to the Chan Brother's Travel fair at suntec city... the queue no. was like 200 away.. so i thought of going shopping for my frenz bdae gifts.. then i thought of FUZION.. i remembered long time ago i was treated by fabby's dad to fuzion at the millenia walk... walked all the way there... appreciating the sights of the city scene.. the tall buildings on a sunny day... sure beats seeing the same old things everyday.. hEhez... bought myself a fla-mango and studied my bio..

went back in time and settled a trip to taiwan on the 7th dec-13th dec.. hahaz.. felt kind weird coz i was going with my parents and my cousin.. my bro wasnt going.. so i think its gonna be abit boring.. but then i recalled all my vacations with my parents long time ago.. to thailand.. indon... malaysia.. and korea... i really enjoyed myself back then but i cant remember them... my mom scolded me lar.. but back then i was still a kid.. now i even appreciate the simple block i stay in.. buidlings my eyes relay to my mind... everything has a certain beauty in it.. can expect that this trips gonna be one hella good one!! =]

at suntec they have this suntec dance coms... was really crowded.. saw 3 grps perform.. can say all 3 are lousier than our school's BLAZE hAhaz.. hey im a big fan to our college's dance theme.. not coz of my frenz in it.. but gotta say the dancing is really professional and good... the dances i saw today were mainly poorly synchronized... didn't have a flow in the moves... or they came at the wrong time.. like some air freezes.. even the only guy who did FLARE did only 1 cycle.. so dissapointing.. but the 3rd grp was the best.. they had the FEEL in the dance.. their movements really portrayed spirit and flow with the song.. but still.. blazE roCkz!! hahaz... they having finals on 5 sepT.. gonna jio some of my frenz go watch too!!

bTw:any guyS intereSted to go to SAFTI on 5/6 SEpT with me to the ARMY OPEN HOUSE?? since we going in next year.. best to be educated right?? hEHez.. then maybe enquire abt commandos.. if i really didnt meet the height limit i'll have to adjust my aims yepz... hahaz.. well you might feel sad for me.. but its my body and i gotta accept it.. if not.. who will right?? hahaz... anyone interested jio mE kz??? chEeRioz!!

dEminG
i alSo dreaMt oF somEone sPEciAl to mE... =]

My mind's unweaving/ 10:24 PM

Thursday, August 19, 2004

hMph... recently been unablE to wake my soRry a** up earLy lorz... damnz... getting lazy and bummier... >.< these few days get into sch like 5min b4 assembly only... =/ to think last time in st gabs i used to go to sch 1hour b4 assembly... haiz... if only SR opened their classrooms that early i wouldn't mind... anyways today they had assembly in the hall.. then some blur leadership publicity gaL was like reading the names of those volunteer teachers for the PE network we had last term... she read my name like "LI(4) DE!!!!(4!! duh!) MING(with thE "HUH" slanG)"... waH kAoz... i was likE "DOH!" so louD that all those ard me also laugh

i never had qualms abt my name... kinda like it coz its rare that there's any other demings ard.. (xcept lawrence) hahaz.. but ar... ever since i come JC.. i pondered upon the wonders of my name... the deception and twisting of the tongues... thus the "deming" Variance strain was discovered... first there was the old sanjeev styLe "THE-MING"... kinda flattering.... but still.... uRgh... then there's preEti with "DUH-MING".... likE.. DUH??... thEn there were angmoh teachers that went "TeH-minG?"... my goD.. i dont come with in liPton packeTs... then my canoeing classic from SDBA race liSTs... "DeMONG"... o.O and the list goes on... i wonder how many more variants i can collect.. maybe can write a book on it le... maybe i should adopt an english name... >.<

today my class ar.. only 2/3 the class was present... 14/21.... cooL eh... though its nothing much unexpected they didnt really discussed abt it yet their pontank date is so synchronized.. *impReSsed* alvin was telling me that he mastered his "canon in D" piano piece le.. SO JEALOUS!! manz.. when he played it at the L.T i was like soooooo envious.. actually dont see me lidat.. im a romantic music lover... =] classical pieces.. fav is of coz canon in D lar... but coz i didnt get a chance to learn a piano.. or even drums that i took interest in.. guess i should be satisfied with listening & appreciating music... sounds normaL?? not exactly.. as a dancer.. im kinda intuned to FEEL the music.. and its come to the extent that whenever i listen to music.. i chronograph dance moves in my mind... beyond techno or pop themes.. i've even got the feel for ballads or classical music le... hahaz... well maybe god just gave me the ability to feel music instead of create music.. and i definitely feel.. its a GIFT =D

but yepz.. attendance can be obviously attirbuted to the onset of prelims.. of coz ppl start mugging.. that i have no qualms abt... but then... begin the nauseous trend of ppl getting anti-social, no-life, attitude problems etc etc... manz... it seems that ka-hongs and man-xins are going thru replication in SRJC lorz... i dont expect them to go out to sentosa or ubin lar.. but then even talking to my frenz nowadays feels so tough... hmph.... yesterday also kana screwed for my maths test coz i believed my fren though i was very sure myself.. mental block = screwed up test... haiz... somemore ppL also starting to preach abt how f*** up life is... its starting to get irritating... why are ppl so dull/pessimistic??? manz... maybe you'll say im not serious lar... but then this kinda life i might as well go to prison to enjoy?? hMMz... eitherways im just gonna keep things my way... if my frenz cant be bothered... neither do i! =/

dEminG
caN'T there bE cHeeRs anD eNthuSiasm evEn when onE woRks haRd?

My mind's unweaving/ 8:11 PM

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

hmmz? whats with the topic you say?? hahaz.. im following the athens timing.. hEhez... so the time is 4.10pm now... =] yepz.. after much investigations and research... i'm STILL buffled.. blEahz.. why dont they just give us a in-depth program list for the olympics coverage in s'pore.. soBZ.. save me all the trouble....

went on a test run for my vcr today to time and start recording today's slalom's canoe event.. it went smoothly and i was treated to slalom canoeing for the first time in my life... manz.. and its way COOL!!... all the endurance... focus... oh manz... i wanna try it lorz!!! so far i've taped this morning's swimming events and maybe 30min of the slalom canoeing only.. hahaz.. and i'm still getting excited for flatwater kayakking (thats MY sport.. ^__^).. the prob is according to my research... s'pore gonna broadcast the semis and finals only... and somemore its NOT LIVE tmD... maybe susilo should lose to teach those mediacorp D*cks a lesson...

in fact if you've been watching the higlights the broadcasters are quite lame... and that TODAY JOURNALIST is a total BIT*H!!! (well he's male).. but he talk like some big shot lidat.. tmd.... machiam he run with that big fat tummy of his!!! bloody hell.. put atheletes down.. the s'pore coverage really upsetting so far lorz... the ads for this morning's men's 200m freestyle went like some alien vs predator trailer putting micheal phelps up against ian thorpe.. wtH lorZ!! its like totally putting the other athletes down.. if you pay attention to just those stupid pieces of metal... their timings are all a fraction of a second away lorZ!! omG... from 1st to 9th is like 1.9 seconds diff lorz... wtF... and all they get is stigmatization from the media.. ccb!!!

anyways i've just got a tape from cp with lh's company.. loLx.. $5.90 leiz.. and i thought it was like dead and should be damn cheap.. but its 4 hours ba.. just used up a 2hrs tape already... think gotta save this tape for the finals of the kayakking events.. omg!! according to teletext they are on 27 august from 4-515pm on Suria... and 28 August from 12-12.30am on Channel 5... WTF right??? 1.15hrs and like 30min only??? they think we what?? beach vballers ar!!! wah lao eh.. better not cut me off halfway lorz... i'll burn the mediacorp broadcasting centre down lorz.. no jokE!!! kAOz....

dEminG
anD scH'S a biTch.. so kEep baRKing!!! woOF!!

My mind's unweaving/ 9:09 PM

Sunday, August 15, 2004

hey heyz... recently my tagboard become abit of a warzone... hahaz... first and foremost wanna state my stand ba... i just didn't fancy the tone of the anonymous guy who posted like 2 days ago... hmmZ... maybe its just interpretation... but it really puts people down.... in a race only 3 out of like 18 gets to win a medal... is it becoz they didn't train? no! its just coz some train better yEpz... besides i always believed in quality not quantity yePZ!!

to NJC: youR first tag was interesting.. loLx.. 65 pulL ups is alot.. but in no ways unattainable yepZ.... to thE other guys: he's just proving a stats kz? he didn't meant to put me down or anything... its just that ANONYMOUS guy whoever that person was.. hMph... it seems that it turnt out into a big explosion yepz.. its just coz of losta misunderstandings ya?? so i sincerely hope all of you guys just put all your differences aside yepZ... in fact im really intrigued who njc is.. hahaz... but like what kian zi discussed with me... njc/tpjc/mjc etc etc.. we're still guys and esp CANOEISTS yepz.. so pls show respect to each other kz??

yepz its sad that we didn't win medals this nationals... but i wouldn't say we're losers.... in races... everyone is a winner... but those who really deserve to be the top are the ones awarded medals.... thats the sense of sportsmenship i aspired to feel when i joined canoeing... not bunch of sore losers and baseless rivalry.... but of coz... in the sense of friendly compeition SRJC canoeing wouldn't want NJC to win all the medals yepz?? so let our schools meet again in our next coms and may the best canoeist win!! =]

pS:SINGAPORE SUX!! kAOz.. they're not showing any canoeing olympics on CHANNEL 5!!! anyone got lobangs where to watch or record the flatwater kayakking races?? it starts from 23 auguST~~~ anYbody???!!

dEminG
baSk in thE glOry oF olympiSm.. no matteR who you aRe!! aThens 2004!!

My mind's unweaving/ 5:56 PM

Saturday, August 14, 2004

hMmz.. when was the last time anyone went to pulau ubin... somehow the thought of racing down the hills and trekking thru the mud hit my mind as i waited for my cab ride to end.... but who to go with?? back then just the very mention and i got a bunch of ScoUts grabbing their bike gear ready to go... but now in jc.. does it decreed that we're TOO mature for adventures?? or does conformity triumph that jc students have no life?

maybe its the wrong time yepz.. but then there would never be a right time in the context of singapore will there?? i still recall one of the gaLs that really have a impact on moi life actually was in fact an adventure lover too! hahaz.. she's the same age as me.. in jc as well... but she's really into stuff like biking... ubin trips... outdoor activities... its getting rare to find gals like her nowadays.. its study study and study.... or just make-yourself pretty kinda gers... does passion in the outdoors really make a ger inattractive? i beg to differ...

recently my blog have gotten losta new ppL reading.. as can be seen in the tagboard... gotta say i'm not too excited nor am i too pissed off... primary a blog is to let frenz know how one is going on... thats why i also spend time to read the blogs of my frenz who i havent got the opportunity to meet daily... then maybe a tagboard wouldnt be so necessary... i'm really appreciative of my canoeing J2 teammates for stating their stand.. but yepZ.. i'm not into arguments or fights here... i wouldnt say that guy is very good.. nor would i say i'm thrashed during my nationals... when you say it completely belittles all that hard training and tears one might shed.... that kinda athletic spirit cannot be vanquished by petty insults.... and i bet thats something insensitive ppl are completely naive and unaware of... thats why sportsmen and sportswomen can appreciate each other but others don't... aren't they so pitifuL? hmmZ

dEminG
dReamy thouGhts... zZzzZ

My mind's unweaving/ 11:49 PM

Friday, August 13, 2004

muhAHahahz~~ mR lEe hSien loOng is pM siA.. my diStanT couSin'S fathEr's daughTer's auNt's gRandfaTher'S niEce's graNdson's eTc etc etc etc.... anyways you get the idea... ^___^ lEe cLan leiz.. dont pray play....

amAzingly miSs cheng was niCe today lar... ask me submitt the biochem tut on monday.. i really did try it last nite... but somehow the notes dont contain the answer.. so i became quite dulan and was using my bio notes to do until i too pek chek... >.<>31 Days!! wooHoO... though leb leb say i most prob wont adhere to it.. i guess its time when my discipline as a SR canoeists cum captain will come to the test here yEpz... gambatTe dEming!!!

today after school at first i was booked to lecture the J1s for GP P1... then angela asked me to help her with biochem coz she didnt understand coz she doesnt take bio... so i planned to teach her then the J1s... but it turnt out to be more physically demanding than i thought.. loLx.. i was trying to simplify things for angela coz bio learns more than biochem... gave some lame examples to picture stuff for her.. then donghai kept coming in and out with some stuff... loLx... then lihua also came ask me for bio... soBZ.. lucky donghai went to entertain her.. hEhz...

then came 6pm... the lecture notes i conjured during 6/7 of my lunch break today was nicely photostapped.. loLx.. gotta thank that kind souL.. so i just had to settle down into my lesson proper... i started by giving them a question to attempt.. then took them step by step how to interpret.. but somewhere through i started to digress alittle and ideas came here and there abit jumbled.. loLx... but some points i thought was really good while others are abit weird.. hahaz... i tried to make it more interesting with interactions and small exercises... but can see they pretty shagged after one whole day.. hahaz... but basically today i just taught the basics with assumptions that they'll interpret them well according to what their acutal tutors teach... coz some points i gotta admitt were very vague and i worry if they might not grasp the concept properly.... can't be helped coz i cramped up the main points of what i learn so far into 1 hour 10mins.... but they seemed pretty interested and seem keen to learn more.. loLx.. i also dunoe how much of a help i provide but it feels good to teach... i always liked to instruct and educate.. but teaching is a whole different arena...

i just hope they did learn valuable stuff from me and that their common test on monday be their first breakthrough from their regular F grades.... now i can really sympathize with tutors coz i actually perspired and was very thirsty after my lesson.. maybe coz i too hyper and active... hahaz.. but since no one slept can say my first attempt is QUITE successful ba.. >.< but after all that teaching.. i was totally drained.. soBz.. so i could barely think.. so as per normal.. i dont like to force ideas in when my brain is tired.. so though my study time isn't as much.. every second is fruitful.. hehez.. maybe thats why sometimes i do better than ppl who study so much longer... so i retired and now at home.. hEhz.... tMl i shaLl start my strive to excellence PROPER following my schedule.. wiSh alL J1s and J2s thE beSt yepz!!! esp canoeists!!! leT's do iT!!!

dEminG
hEyoz Mr. LEE!!! o.O

My mind's unweaving/ 9:27 PM

Thursday, August 12, 2004

oh mAnz.. sch's beginning to s*ck so much nowadays.. cant stand it lorz... feel that the lecturers are really wasting our time lorz.. tmD... rather go home study.. recently beginning to get really vulgar le.. loLx.. think coz no canoeing to occupy my mind... all i got is to curse and swear... blEahz... >.< nothing makes sense lorz... kaoz... we are in JC.. and our tutors scold us like kids for missing lectures.. like DUH... its my prob not yours lar!! just f***ing leave me alone... stupid chem tutors.. screw their sorry a**es lar... c*** c*** b**!!

hmmz.. that felt good.. ^__^ anyways today also kana surprised.. loLx.. yvonne, rs, eviL lyn, shuhui and phoEbe gave me anD fabby a bElated bdaE presenT.. loLx.. gotta say it was totally unexpected.. but really appreciate the thought yepz... (2 months after my bdae nia.. >.<) but ar.. the only qns is why they bought me a donkey? loLx.. you know the winnie the pooh that fella... loLx.. forgot his name le.. but its cute yepz.. the eyes makes me smile everytime i look at it.. hahaz reminds me of the way i laugh.. =] but... whats with the pineapplE??

oh yeah.. tml gonna prepare some GP workshop for the J1s.. not a licensed educator ba.. but i would like to try.. who knows? i might strive to be a GP tutor next time... hEhez... but then alot of probs leiz... cannot borrow com lab.. cannot loan laptop.. so now cracking my brain on how to get the stuff ready... somemore got the biochem tut to prepare for submission to the super mensuration chem tutors... hAiz... and my body still aching from yesterday.. hahaz.. think too chiong le ba.. swim le straight away go 2.4 and weights.. hahaz.. age is coming onto me manz... omG


pinEapPle anyonE?


upCloSE anD persoNaL

dEminG
soRry ar.. today vERy shaGged... so abit anTi-soCiaL... sobZ... somEonE brinG me happIneSs can? whilE i do my tuTz.. sobZ.. i need a massage... my freaking wings... =~~

My mind's unweaving/ 6:28 PM

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

hahaz.. yesterday kianzi was chatting me online abt some stuff... didnt realise my blog has become some kinda entertainment mag.. loLx.. to be honest sometimes i read back my previous blogs it does seem interesting... days when i was bitching ard.. others when i'm f-ing crazy.. or just plain sianZ... hahaz~~ interesting stuff

something i wasn't so pleased to hear was this NJC guy who can do 51 pull ups.. tmD!!! i was at first quite satisfied with a target of 40 pull ups by the end of this year... but now i only have one target.. 55 puLL upS tmD.. as long as theres a wilL there'S a way!! so now i jioing my frenz to remind everyday to do at least 200 pull upS... (2X more than my usual)... hAhz... by september... at least 45 pull upS!!! juST you waiT!!

anyways today lessons sux manz.. didnt prepare for shit so as usual was praying for the lessons to quickly end coz i wanna swim.. but then mr tan wanted to meet me.. so i had to wait outside along with the J1s.. apparently their common tests are beginning so i hafta prepare the GP workshop soon.. loLx.. im no licensed educator... but hopefully after my session they can grasp at least the techniques to clear a pass in GP~~ =]

we were hitting the pull up bar again coz of my sudden chiong-ster attitude again... loLx.. had J1s ard too so i jio them along... moni/manda/pok/kZ/qq/juL/zX/benetT/brandon were all doing our pull upS~~ hahaz like me manda has a pull up bar at home.. but now she like not interested le.. so i was telling her not to waste her money ya? two extra busts at the back wouldnt hurt too much ba.. loLx.. j/k j/k... anyways the J1s later went for gym.. SOME of them only.. haiz.. hope they dont deteriorate...

on my part i'm really very keen to keep fit... somehow it feels alittle weird training not for a sport but just for fitness.. somehow it feels good too.. coz i nv have to worry and regret not training hard enough... today i swam alittle here and there with kianzi, pok and liang kiat... hahaz.. of coz i was the slowest again... pok and lk were trying out diving and swimming in one breath coz they kana Naval Diving Unit... loLx.. actually i always very gian for commandos.. was hoping they sent me a letter so i could enlist straight to commandos school.. but no matter... i've made up my mind to pia my BMT.. show them what im made of.. then see where i'll go yepz... hopefully will be commandos... or OCS.. THEN commandos.. ^___^ theres the only place i wanna be yepz~~

hahaz to fit this period i decided to cut G.I again... so now i'm practically hairless.. (ON MY HEAD OF COZ!!) but its a little longer than my last G.I cut... hEhz... coz now lidat less air resistance when i swim and run... i got back from my swim.. changed and quickly hit the treadmill again for a 2.4km in fear that i decide to slack later.... coz today i swam so kinda sapped.. so run 2.4km today only.. (not slacking woR!!) but it was particularly more ardous than yesterday maybe coz i just swam 30min ago... straight after i hit the pull up bar again... phew.. so now my 3 target exercises are PULL UPS, 2.4KM and SIT UPS so soon i'll be getting 55 pull ups and 6 pacs!! muhAhahaz... i'm mad.. but i just love to train!! wooHoO

dEminG
110 puLl ups donE so faR... 90 moRe to compLete before duSk!!

My mind's unweaving/ 7:28 PM

Monday, August 09, 2004

phew.. been one hella long sunday... early in the morning i rushed down to macritchie reservoir to help out with the officials there... kinda reminiscent to see canoeists warming up... as i gently caressed the waters there i recall fondly on my memories here.. though they weren't my sweetest memories... it was always worth looking back... and smile.. =]

due to SOME J2s request i kept a lookout for zn and aaron.. loLx.. too bad for moni.. but even pi kuang was wondering whats so nice abt zn.. hmmZ... "too skinny" was a common thought.. hEHz.. helped out with number tags distribution and got a free tyr t-shirt for SCF officials.. not bad leiz.. loLx.. left early leaving chris, amanda and pi kuang to continue while i went down to the hotel at carlton~~

was a short ride and when i went in daren and weiliang were like looking at stuff they recorded.. manz.. so sinful lorz.. sick B*stard.. hahaz.. you dont wanna know what they recorded... *linK thiS: videO caM + baTh tub + weIlianG = ?* ugh!! siCk stuff... went to take a nap coz really tired in the morning while the guys went to withdraw cash.. got a call from manda and got bitched for resting.. =/ abit du lan but cannot sleep i went with the guys to raffles city to get an umbrella that they have yet to buy... talk abt communication breakdown manz... blEahz...

anyways they all came and were fooling ard in the room.. loLx.. taking WEIRD pics... watching our videos we took of races, trainings and beauty pageants.. loLx.. damn funny! of coz evening came soon.. the gals were so busy putting on make up we went down earlier... see all the J1s dress so formal too.. feels like how zhen hao puts it "GLAM" hEHz.. the dinner was fine... they had this dish where they use their bare hands to break a LIVE lobster and put it on your plate while it was still hopping.. hahaz.. i aint too much into raw food so i didn't really enjoy that dish.. >.< and the oysters are soooo salty... see kian zi eat so shiok i also chiong abit.. then tummy felt a little weak.. hahaz... but still the best is the deserts.. omG... the CHOCOLATE PUDDING was FANTASTIC... oh manz.. thinking abt it makes me drooL again.... =D~~

well later all the diff batches made introductions then i made a lousy speech coz i was kinda kan jiong and losta things to say... so i pretty much messed up... >.<>"FAMILY" really touched me alot... to me.. it was farewell from my closest family i have next to my direct family... my canoeists.. i didn't feel sad enough to cry... but somehow i knew i was gonna feel much more empty and lonely after this.... but only time can say.... though we're not physically separated... i'm really gonna miss my team.... my dear J2s... my very own juniors.... the boats.. the paddle... the harsh trainings that i teared in.... canoeing really beautified my life so much... i really really cant bear to leave it...

the passing down ceremony was kinda unprepared coz alot of exco members didn't really prepare anything... so it turned into some phototaking session.. the J2 guys (insenstive, uncaring, unsentimental, noisy, rude) presented the gals with the 8 bears that formed the letter CANOEIST.. weilun also gave them flowers and all of us a flag that placed together writes "SR CANOEIST WHOOSH!" though simple... it really means alot to all of us... hahaz... after the dinner many of us were at the lobby taking pictures.... when i saw the J1 guys shunning away from the cam it reminded me of myself so much.. hahaz.. used to be super camera-shy... but somehow its the process of taking pictures with people i love so much that really matters... the 4 king kongs made us this nice box writing their comments... xb also gave me a tile writing words of thankz... though it seemed that the J1 guys didn't really prepare anything for us... i was really happy enough le.. when we went back to read what they wrote.. i was laughing, smiling and crying at the same time... but i kept it to myself coz i didnt wanna trigger a mass-crying session... hahaz...

we continued watching the videos at 12 plus.. watching vids from SDBA, NAtionaLs and the olEy oleY/arm wreSTlinG/poST nationaLs suntEc trIP etc... loLx.. damn funny.. after that we finally got the whole J2s to go pubbing.. we originally went to ONE FULLERTON.. guys like jon and lk didn't even have a drink and were already pretty high.. loLx... running up escalators on the handles or doing wall flips.. hahaz... when we got to embargo it was closing so we walked on to clark quay.. but we got kinda stuck coz some of us didn't bring ID and some were still underage.. the guys started getting sianz and were talking of going back... then kian zi somehow managed to settle us down at hendrix outside so we didn't have to pay the counter charge....

kian zi taught us how to play "007 piang ah" loLx.. but on my end of the tables everyone was kinda sianz and quiet... after sometime.. the other hand was making alot of noise.. even moni and lh that didnt wanna drink were happily drinking and making losta noise.. weiliang was the first casualty.. knocking out and drooling away from a few cups.. lolX... but after a while jon, pok, moni, manda, wei lun, hao yi went unusually high.. loLx.. looks like the guy really took what kian asked for "EH SUPER STRONG KZ??" loLx.. hao yi started looking like he took ecstacy as he drank.. shaking uncontrollably.. loLx.. he even stood up pointed to the sky and turned around in circles.. loLx.. weilun started drinking uncontrollably... keep drinking claiming he isn't drunk.. of coz he isn't.. he's just SUPER HIGH and losing self control le.. even monica suddenly blurted out "ONE MORE MUG!!"... i kinda predicted we going to drag some corpses back to the hotel... but it was worst than i feared.. loLx..

the only sane ones left after the session were me, clibby, lh, lk and kian.. loLx.. when i told them to stop weilun kept insisting on drinking.. we had to drag the rest of the 10 un-sober guys back to the room... manda and jon walked off suddenly so kian had to follow them... on the way back i got alittle headache from drinking one cup too fast... but i was really sober coz i always controlled how much i drank... on the way weiliang kept blurting nonsense and talking like a wuss as he walked sideways.. loLx.. weilun was still insisting on having a drink... kaobei abt not getting high enough and running to PROVE that he isn't drunk... darren seems in control.. but he was super red and talked silly at times without knowing.. hahaz.. the sober ones tried to separate the un-sober ones in case they boycott to start drinking again... we kept stopping and going on the way back... worried weilun might just run onto the road and strip or something... finally we got back to the hotel room at 6am lidat thru a shortcut i brought them through.. they still wanted to play and were still whining abt not drinking enough.. i felt a big headache then and tried to get my sense back... hearing them whine was really tearing me up... but i controlled or a fight might just go up... after a bath i finally went to sleep...

was damn cold lar... coz weilun hogged a big fat blanket all for himself... but i was really thankful enough he didn't farted... everyone just slept any old how.... when we woke up at 10.30 lidat i was super tired coz i didn't sleep well and i had this kinda burning feeling in my stomach and puked alittle after that... manz... but at least it felt soooooooooo much better after that... was kinda glad nothing big happened... was super worred abt kian/jon/manda when they splintered off.. if they continued drinking... loLx.. they might have slept at esplanade lorz.. =/

hahaz... overall it was a very fun experience to my J2s to stay together and drink their hearts and mind out.. loLx.. but i think they're gonna need more practise.. had i drank more... think we would all be still at clark quay puking along the river.. hahaz... for ppl like moni/haoyi/li hua/weiliang was first time they drank so heavily so its pretty understandable.. but weilun like the prospective drunkards type.. hahaz... hope none of them get addicted ba.... for us its one final race... A levels!!! watching the canoeing videos brought my canoeing hormones back.. and i felt really resilent to join SRJC Alumni canoeing team to compete and win a medal back for the school!! oh right!!!

dEMinG
onE canoEist... onE famIly... onE heaRt

My mind's unweaving/ 8:41 PM

Saturday, August 07, 2004

woOhoo~~ today went out with some of my J2s to dhoby ghaut.. tmD.. ALL of them late.. make me look so dumb waiting for them and calling so many of them no one pick up... was damn dulan so went PS shopping.. they came 1 hour 30min later so we went to this karaoke cum night club to sing karaoke.. loLx.. to tell you all frankly i always hated karaoke.. but since they wanna go so much i might as well lorz... hahaz.. as expected everyone sang like shit... except for lk and lH ba... not that bad.. weilUn was literally breaking the hi-fi syStem.. loLX!!

later we went to play lan at paradiz center... hahaz.. CS i was freefrag lorz.. kana rape by wL, lk anD HAO YI.. lolx.. all like so pro.. hard to believe they years nv play CS le.. or.. i just suck.. loLx.. though i prefer the previous one.. hEhz! later tried to play wC3 with haoyi... tot he damn pro so 2v2.. but end up i kana rape.. loLx.. i 2 hero lvl 4 and 3.. he 1 lvl 1 death knight.. loLx.. sobZ..wasted.. nvm.. next time i show him i can take on 2 com on my own.. not on form only lar.. >.<

anyways did abit of shopping later... my ex-ct rep bdae coming ar.. she like reminding me like one month ago le.. loLx.. so i was looking for a big enough wrapper to put me inside.. >.< well its her idea! =X but its so hard to shop for gals.. coz i always think alot and go ard alot of shops.. think until head pain.. haiZ.. buying gifts is so xin ku lorz!

anyways tml is the canoeing fareweLl dinneR~~ woOhoO~ after that gonna puB and stay overnighT~~ so cooL~~~ then the guys were talking so vividly about CERTAIN stuff on our way back.. loLx.. think its really gonna be damn fun.. ^_^ but then mr tan sign me up for SCF hElper tml at macritchie... so my morning is burnt le.. sobZ.. then weiliang and monica were like asking me to open my eyes for ahEm ahEm... shoulD i further their sins? hAiz.. where can desperation bring one to? *wInkz* anyways i realised i getting plump le.. so i set into place a daily running schedule... realised my lousy treadmill max speed can only clear 2.4km in 12min lidat.. so its like a pushover for me.. so i planning to run for distance.. 4.8km split into 2 sessions per day~~ hEhez.. 9min for 2.4km by aRmy!!! oh yeAH~~~

dEminG
sEe you guyS on monDay!!

My mind's unweaving/ 11:32 PM

Friday, August 06, 2004

hmmZ.. been ages since i uploaded any pics.. quite a few.. hopefully the download does not exceed or all you'll get to see is a X .. >.<


they are catching thE phoTogeniC viRUs from thE j2s??


faiLEd aTtempT to takE reflEction.. sobZ


quiCk!! whEre'S youR reaL haiR???


xU zhEn mei?


biGgest b*staRd anD gReat pTi~~


hMmz how did this appear in my cam?


pEepabOO!

dEMinG

My mind's unweaving/ 1:07 PM

well.. didn't blog for three days le... alot of things i wanted to say.. but thru time i forgot.. in a way it may be for the better... coz i nv believed in dwelling in the past.. esp if they arent that worth remembering... first off i think i'll start off from wednesday ba...

through our appeals.. the j2s managed to get from mr tan a session to punish the J1s.... coz i felt that it might impact onto them more... that their seniors they adore so much have to do such things... coz in the end its all worth it.... i took the training coz mr tan wasn't so sure abt the other guys.. loLx.. so well... i turnt on my demon mode.. scolding them.. putting them down... insulting them.. gotta say they are the harshest words i ever said.. though they may be abit exaggerated.. i'm sure they know that it will happen unless they do something about.. the J2s all took turns to tell them their feelings as they held in push up positions... i had to continue being heartless coz i'm the so-called demon for that session... seeing them cry, shout in pain... though unsettling... i remember a similar experience i had last year.. and thought of how i grew since that day...

we had a serious talk with the J1s after that session... my bad habit is whenever i have to make an impromptu speech that really matters to me alot.. i'll always stumble and forget things to say... so after all the J2s said their piece.. mine was really draggy and boring.. loLx can even see some of the J1s nodding away.. >.<>12pm.. yepZ.. i was like "huh? today thursday ar..... OH SHIT!!!" loLx.. kaoz.. i was so sian-ban that i rather not go to sch than be late... >.<

so why did i go to sch? greatest reason is coz of ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING.. yepZ.. elections! the dawn of the new exco... i didn't know that i was in charge of heading the meeting so i kinda blurred up and tried to be serious... first off the J2 exco introduced their positions and their expectations then the J1s took turn to introduce themselves to the teachers and abt their characteristics... lucky they had introduction.. coz i really was pondering who to vote for... other than listening to their speech i tried to observe their eyes and confidence... coz its really a skill i feel its really important to see how capable one is... after careful thought... i placed my votes...

i looked on the votes tabulation as the teachers collated them.. the J2s were all supposed to be out.. but i wanted to know how the J1s feel towards their teammates that they voted for... seriously.. in such i can more or less predict what may happen when the results are out... saw some really tight fights in terms of number of votes.. sad to see that for some guys its either one post or none.. after that the teachers placed their votes and i was chased out... loLx.. then my J2s were turning a cold shoulder at me coz i was the only one staying inside.. but in my mind i was more concerned with the outcome of the exco selection.. twice the teachers called me and monica and then me and liang kiat to ask abt our comments on some candidates... maybe i have a really persuasive tongue.. coz i really explained alot.. and then the teachers decided.. the exco list went exactly to my votes... every one of them... =]

then came the bad news i kept to myself for the whole week.. suspension of canoeing trainings... its really the biggest blow for me... that was why i was sooooooooo depressed for the J1s... but maybe you'll say i'm wishful... but after wed.. i choose to believe that their promises they wont break... that they will change and train hard despite the break of training... its made probably coz of rising concerns over their studies from parents as well as coach's injury.. so it might not be that bad after all... i had a long talk with the J1s later... but though that speech really mattered to me... i didn't screw it up this time... coz i can really feel how they feel so every word and encouragement i gave to them was from the bottom of my heart... dinner was later at BK where i had one last debriefing for the exco... coz the challenge will really lie on how well this exco will function.. the way is gonna be tough.. but i BELIEVE in them!! hehEzz... coz they are my juniors... like my children yepz... >.<>

"evErywhEre caN be a heavEn aS lonG aS you bElievE"

so thE next chapTer oF thE SRJC CanoEIst lEgacy haS been paSsEd oN... wRite it weLl with conViction!

dEminG
alL my prayErs anD wiShes wiLl go wiTh you guyS!!! aLl thE beST!!

My mind's unweaving/ 11:30 AM

Monday, August 02, 2004

after a 'long' weekend for me... was kinda happy to be back in school again.. of coz to see moi frenz... was kinda tired in the morning.. but somehow i didn't K.O coz could see my pals again... loLx.. maybe coz i long time nv come sch.. so like abit siao siao today... talk cock and cold jokes... hmmmz.... weird stuff...

but ar... maybe i shouldn't reveal so much on my blog.. can't help coz i treat it like moi personal diary... loLx.. but more and more ppl seem to know abt my dillema now... even mr teng was asking... oh god... guess i hafta put this to an end ba.... haiz.. been bothering me alot recently... classmates... J2 canoeists.. now even teachers.... might be mean and bad.. but i think i have to be direct ba.... haiz.... why must so many ppl know.... irritating and all.... can't stand it.... now that i got the chiong-ness to study... i can't let anything forsake it le... but... the question is when to say no? hAiz... =/

today saw for the first time mr tan tekan the J1s... coz of what happened last friday.. mr tan took their 'training' and punished them.. making them run and recite loud their mistakes.... kinda bad of the J2s ba.. complaining that its too soft to them and all... to me punishments intensity do not matter.. its the underlying reason why they're punish that matters... i felt mixed feelings as i gazed at my teammates suffering on the track.. on one hand i wanted to shout at them.. telling them to do better than that... at the same time i wanted to go beside them and motivate them to go on.... knot-tied.. i just stood by the gallery and watched.. can see some of them really pushed themselves very hard.. but some obviously didn't even try to put in the effort just becoz it was punishment... but still their unity is visibly shaken as they left some of the slower runners at the back....

seems like its gonna go on for a week... with an unprecedented future... somethings i do know... but i somethings i could not say... just hope the J2s dont let slip the trust i put in them.... no matter how accidentally... kinda shaken to see qQ crying after the session... coz though i put up a strong front.. i really feel very sad from the bottom of my heart... if only i trained them earlier to be better men and women... all this would nv have happened... haiz....

dEminG
anD somEthinGs are bEttEr facEd with couRage

My mind's unweaving/ 9:10 PM

Sunday, August 01, 2004

woke up today... packed up and left for HOUGANG GYM wooHoo... been months since i last went there... coz i was trying to recuperate prior to coms.. didn't wanna risk getting injuries.. now that nationals are over.. its back to gym-ing every sunday... as usual vin and kj were late.. those dicks.. so i went ard to look.. and saw something i can finally look forward to~~ wanted to join the standard chartered triathlon.. but it clashed with our farewell dinner.. but this time was the OSIM singapore triathlon~~ wooHoo!!! its on 28 and 29 auguST... i always wanted to test my mantle on a triathlon.. but my frenz like not too keen on this kinda stuff and are urging me to study instead.. but still it gave me something to look forward to~~ hehz.. now looking for companion to try the mini version... (the olympic one i sure drown....) =p

when they finally came.. we got our admission (i remembered why i stopped was also coz i'm 18 le!! so must pay ONE DOLLAR MORE... fiak!) and started.. as usual i got to my usual routine... doing power training.. adding losta weights... did 25kg for bicepS cuRl... 30kg foR upright row anD miliTary prEss.. and 35kG foR baR rowinG... did lats pulL... bEnch 45kG... the usual lar.. then its kinda fun.. coz as usual some guys gimme the weird look esp when i hit the pull up bar.. hahAz... (20 puLl ups? no proB!) saw this pretty netballer at the gym... oh manz.. i'm such a sucker for sweet smilEs and cute eyEz.. *heaRt melTs*

did just 2 sets coz felt abit strained on my hands.. then went to hM looking for a strategy guide for dynasty warriors 4.. hahaz.. kinda obsessed with it at the moment.. but then the shopowner say dont have leiz.. then i went to kovan to find.. but to no avail.. as i was going home it started drizzling so i faster ran to the bus stop.. just in time b4 the downpour came.... was thinking abt hw so asked my class ppl.. but all seem so busy.. hahaz.. when i found out its like so much to do.. omG...

abit unsettling was when hl suddenly message me one whole sms with er... words that make me uncomfortable... i was like avoiding talking abt it... then talked abt other stuff... haiz... really hope she doesn't think too much.... though i've always yearned for someone... its like everytime i still think of that first huge love i felt... haiz.... but she's not married yet.. hEhez... so i seem to be waiting? >.< i treat everyone else i know like frenz ba.. but hl like treating me as something more... haiz.. dont wanna say anything to hurt her feelings ba also dont wanna give false hopes leiz..... aRgh!!

anyways... can feel i'm back to my usual self... even today i STILL picked up my stick and did stick-rowing... at first i told myself to forget it.. but then... not everything i do needs a reason do i? hehez.. as long as i enjoyed it... i'll do it... so even if i'm not canoeing anymore i just enjoy taking the stick up and feeling that i'm in a canoe again.. =p abt the year 1s i decided not to pursue the matter anymore... i wont stop mr tan from punishing them.. but i hafta try to beg for leniency on what he told me abt.... no matter what... i just want this batch to outperform mine.. i haf plans for them... so i really dont wish to see what will happen if mr tan didn't change his mind.... for them the journey has only just begun... i'll do all i can to help them... guide them during this period coz almost all the alumni is busy with life and coach is still recuperating.... i just hope i do not committ the same mistakes as i did with my team.....

dEminG
sunbuRnt!!! aRrRrrRr!!!

My mind's unweaving/ 2:11 PM