Saturday, July 31, 2004
woke up early at 7am today.. even though i slept at 12 last night.. i didn't know why my mind automatically switched myself on at 7am... maybe coz my mind is still inclined to kallang.. to canoeing.... i wandered about in my house... listless and all.. then forced myself back into sleep... when i woke up it was about 11am... so i played abit of games to distract myself then went to sch..
hL asked me to get her some cheesecake coz it was raining.. so i went abt compass point looking for one.. bengawan solo had a nice looking one.. but they didn't sell them in slices.. so i had to make do with breadtalk... when i got to sch.. it felt weird... maybe coz i didn't expect to be back with a gloomy face... i could barely smile as i walked past SRJCians... maybe they already know that we didn't win anything? they would nv understand the pains of a captain....
my point in being in school was to lend out the battery charger for the video cam... at first i looked for mdm jane ler.. but miss seah said she wasn't around.. saw mr philip tan come into sch.. i faster siam-ed in case he screwed me for the sideburn cut... met hl for the first time at the canteen while i was waiting for mr tan to reply to my messages... she was shy and all then her frenz were like shouting her name loudly.. but i was pretty indifferent... maybe coz my mind just had too many things... she gave me this pack of durian strudel.. and we chatted alittle as some J2s i knew gave weird looks... frankly speaking i hope i dont give too much false hope... i only treat her as a fren... coz i dont really feel inclined to having a relationship anymore... the emptiness left from canoeing still bothers me till now....
another unpleasant thing was as i was waiting at the office for mr ou to help me ask for the IT club teacher... yuen foong came along and i talked to her... was pretty cold in my words naturally.. choosing to avoid talking abt canoeing.. i kept waiting as thoughts kept flooding my head... what can i do? what will happen to the team? then to my surprise the whole J1 canoeists suddenly gathered behind me.. when our eyes met i quickly turned away... i didn't have the heart to even look at them.. it'll just hurt me more.. i didn't have the courage to scold them.. coz it'll just hurt me more... so i just walked away.... maybe i was really mean... but what would you do if you were me?? seeing people you adore so much do stupid things that cause them to suffer?? while i can just stand aside and look?? i don't know... i'm really inclined to talk to mr tan to be more lenient... but at the same time i thought they might need the lesson... but yet i also can't bear to see them in pain.... all this is really tearing me apart....
as i walked away i met dh, ys, jk and ky at the carpark doing CIP as carpark ushers... was really happy to see them.. been some time since i felt that i really smiled... thankz to em i managed to find the it club teacher and loaned out the charger.. as i walked out the J1s looked at me but didn't dare to talk to me.. i also didn't feel like staying coz it was so uncomfortable to have their gazes at me.. so i walked out of the school abruptly... back to that down/gloomy/emotionless face...
when i got home... i unknowingly went to do pull ups in my house... i even took up my stick to do strokes.. its like become so innate into me that i just keep forgetting that my final races are over... i still wanted to do DR.. still wanted to do pull ups... still wanted to restrict myself from poor diets... but still one side of me asked that i let it all go.... its harder than i thought... its not something i can shake away... even past relationships didn't feel this bad... i stared at my canoeing stick for sometime.. wondering if i should throw it away.. but i felt so lonely without it... the weights... the treadmill... even the commandos dream i held so much didn't embrace me.... i feel really out of direction... even if my frenz usher me into the mood to study... i just can't... i'm pretty much satisfied wasting my time playing games and all knowing it'll do me no good... maybe its during times like this that wasting time isn't such a waste after all....
deminG
where should i go? who should i turn to? do heroes really exist in all of us?
My mind's unweaving/ 4:36 PM
Friday, July 30, 2004
its regrettable... that things i have tried to do.. yet did not surface.. that i did gave up b4 in trying so becoz the targetted grp did not respond as i hoped... that i made assumptions without any help... and from the results... has proven me wrong... its regrettable... so.. i have regretted.... and.. its time... to move on
jon and kz came in 5th today.... so we came back from nationals without any medals.... from an outsider point of view.. our team is weak.... from our teachers and frenz who known us long enough.... our team has tried our best... from the captain's point of view.... that... was not our best.... definitely i felt a strong sense of defeat... not of just my individual performance in the sport.. but in my leadership and management of my team... to be honest... the mentality of my teammates are far from desired from the start.. and proved to be a tremendous challenge for me.. many times i gave up becoz of how thick-skinned/complacent they might be at times... though i always persevered.. i regretted ever giving up those few times... becoz.. it showed that i wasn't good enough.. to be a captain.. that will create a winning team...
my dream has always been to uplift this team i loved so much... to put SRJC into fighting for 3rd position in overall champions for national schools.. that was my passion... my drive that pushed me thru all those times... many times that flame was burnt out coz of undesired incidents.. that the torch bearer that i sought out to be... kept this flame no greater than that set by our direct seniors... even teachers mention the problem to me.... that my approach may not have been the best.... but as i said.. i have regretted... now i still have the power to change.. and i shalt give up yet...
at first i was really reluctant to cerebrate coz i wondered really how some of my J2s can feel so indifferent to losing their races.. its almost like it didn't matter to them at all... for me who made canoeing the central part of my life... losing my own race and seeing my team bring home zero medals really broke my heart... but as always the funness of my fellow J2s always warmed my heart... its funny to see how desperate some of my teammates are... though its abit disgusting.. esp with the (sinful) invention as well as proliferation of cameras... its also funny how the hwa chong and our team seems to be "spy-ing" on each other.. via blogs/frenz/acquaitances... i'm surprised how my J2s seem to know guys and gals from HCJC and some from RJC *couGhs monikA couGhs*... their names.. their faces... when i can barely distinguish one from the either.. although it really makes me wonder how focussed they are during trainings than to form fan clubs of other canoeists... its still an amusing sight for me.. loLx
actually was really pissed off this morning.. coz the J1s all went to mrs kok to request to come down to kallang to support.... when MR BERNARD TAN & I gave direct orders to stay in school and study.. they made it looked like it was a righteous risk they choose to take... our dear mrs kok being the nice old principal automatically agreed... and the tutors all begun calling mr bernard tan to complain.. not just him.. but i can understand mr tan's feeling.. i felt FURIOUS with the J1s.. nv had i been so angry and pissed with them.. it was a direct show of defiance and ignorance of authority.. mr tan had reasons to make that decision... and just thinking that mr tan made that decision without thought.. they really put mr tan down by bringing it up to his superior to boycott his decision.... i really really felt so angry with them i didn't even want to look at them... I'M SO DISSAPOINTED IN THEM!! aRGhH!!
after it ended we all went to MARCHE for dinner... was really enjoyable.. but most of the J2s were eating rosti.. (common prob of SRJCians: don't dare try other food) so i tried chicken breast.. the sauce was so nice everyone wanted it for their own food.. loLx... then dear pi kuang treated us to deserts... after that they still went heerens to shop and later walked to P.S for SWENSONS.. and this time its cyril treating.. loLx... phew.. can see the seniors really like us.. though i was really tired.. and flashbacks of all the things i want to set straight.. i still went along and had a great time with my J2s.. though i think they are more suited for photographic or bit*hing cluB.. lOLx.. they are still the great batch of J2 canoeists i grew together with!! chEerioS!!
dEminG
tmL... we wilL chanGe hisTory.. wiTh mONIca'S New haiRdo!!!
My mind's unweaving/ 11:45 PM
dEminG
My mind's unweaving/ 12:19 AM
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
woOOo~~!~ daY 1 is doWn... and untrue to what ppl predicted.. i aint drinking tonight!! hEhehez... coz i made it to the sEmi-finALs~~~ yeAH~~! well today was a very long wait for me... woke up early in the morning.. thankz to my school pontank yesterday (thx to miss cheng for being so ignoranT~~) i was pretty much energetic early in the morning~~ met dear fabby in the morning to borrow his binoculars from him.. was sticky.. but damn good~~ loLx.. thankz aloT duDe for waking up so early.. must have surprised toby~~ hEHez..
well my race was at 2.20pm but we gathered at 7am so i went about organizing launching and set ups and all.. went thru the whole list then we settled down at our usual spot.. had one last mental focus as a whole team.. this time in the same atmosphere and air as kallang... it was pretty crowded and noisy.. but i was really really calm and collected.... i was responsible for taking videos of their races.. most of the J1s didn't make it past the heats except for melvin... abit sad for me as a captain to see.. but i see that their path has only just begun to unfold in front of them... so i could already feel their success next yeaR!!!
as for the J2s~~ marcus and hao yi didn't qualify for semis.. was a little scared for them... then the morale was a little down.. but they seemed to take it pretty well in a way that a sportsmen is... well donE pok! haoyi!! you all will nv have lost in our hearTs!!! after marcus and pok... clibbY and i were the next J2 pair competing... but thankz to what zhen hao (WES!!!) told me during SDBA in march.. i really made an effort to do alot of prior mental focus and praying b4 my race begun... when we got into position.. i was not anxious and nervous at all... i was a little seconds b4 startoff.. but when it begun... my focus and spiritual self were all bent to one single goal.. thE FINISH LINE
the starting strokes felt good.. my pull was there... we glided pretty well... though my eyes were fixed in front.. i couldn't hear the other compeitors after 100m.. only felt the presence of one boat on the extreme end.. we went on... my strokes gaining more and more momentum until we cleared the wall and was in view from the jetty.. then begun the cheers and loud shouts.. i focused really hard (coz i panic-ed during SDBA when they cheered for me) and i ignored the cheers.. i just kept going and going.. the more i pulled the stronger i felt... the smoother my strokes became.. after 250m i could only feel 2 boats on par with us... so i felt strength and paddled even harder.. feeling the power of every single stroke in my mind... when we were closing in to the finish line.. we burst as per normal.. but clibby was visibly fatigued already so i pushed him on... pulling even harder than b4 to compensate for his drop in strength.. we pulled.. and pulled and pulled.... and.......... WE MADE IT ACROSS THE FINISH LINE~~ 3rd!!
though 1st will go straight to finals... 2nd and 3rd will compete again in semi finals coz we had 3 heats for our event.. i was really happy... coz THAT WAS THE BEST LAP I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE i could feel the excitement.. the strength.. the confidence... the smoothness.. the feeling was simply incredible.. this i recall is what i've always trained so hard for.. and i got it today.. when i got up.. my team was cheering loudly.. the J1s and J2s congratulating me... and even i didn't notice i was gleaming with pride...... the same one i brought my boat down with... though some ppl may say my race was a pushover... i really believed that that race is really the best i've ever done.. the more observant J2s even mentioned the synchronization and smoothness was the best they have ever seen from us... the only reason i attribute it from is MENTAL FOCUS and CALMNESS.. really like zhenhao said.. when i was calm... all my strokes were close to perfection and were simply beautiful to paddle... i was so happy i couldn't wait for my semis!!!
tml i'm gonna race with the top 9 canoeists outta the 18 that signed up... no matter the results today.. i'm determined to put in my best as well.. i want that same feeling i had today... and no matter who the compeitiors.. NONE SHALL STAND IN MY WAY!!! plS pray for me and my partner cliburn yePZ!! thankz to my mom~~ my frenz who came down specially to support me... clibBY you can do it!! remember what mistake you did today... remove it and tml get ready for the race that will make today's race SECOND BEST!! aLl thE way SRJC!!
dEminG
tml iS juST thE sEmis... finAls!! i'm cominG for you!!
My mind's unweaving/ 7:24 PM
Monday, July 26, 2004
wOO~~ baCk to bE in schOol... for the frenz and classmates oF coz... definintely not for lessonS.. loLx.. i spent the whole weekends doing nothing or training only.. so my tutorials were all undone... somemore today was like physics day... kinda pressured now yepz.. many of my classmates and frenz are like disencouraging me from dropping physics.. but well.. i really dont wish to further engineering in uni... but all their warnings kinda made me wonder if i drop physics where can i go to... coz in my mind two courses are most appealing to me.. Biology-based faculty and JOURNALISM... well now i'm kinda torn between my ideas.. so was like stoning alittle here and there...
at mid day.. i was kinda pissed off at someone... coz like i'm rather calm and relaxed as compared to my previous races prior to the racing day... so i was kinda upset by the way some of my teammates were like psycho-ing all their bad points and instilling self-doubt... might have been mean of me... but i'm like trying so hard to have them erase such negative thoughts for the past few trainings so when i heard him say so i kinda diss-ed him off... then he was like talking to his partner... sarcastically hinting of words like "sure lose le mah!!" "so of coz lidat lar"... i felt very angry coz they taught i wouldn't know whats in their rotten minds huhz... i felt really angry and i swore to myself that i was no worst a canoeist than him.. and that he's become so decadent and complacent.. i shall show him what i'm made of! tmD...
but later during training i guess my anger die-ed down coz i really disliked the idea of bearing grudges against a teammate.. i continued with a 4.8km jog.. 12 rounds about lane 8... i advised them to go slow so as not to fatigue themselves too much... it was kinda fun.. coz at the start.. lk and wl overtook us (everyone was in pairs) but then they slowed down alot after 100m so clibby and i as well as hao yi and marcus overtook them.. for the next 5-6 rounds we were like overtaking and losing overtaking and losing to marcus's pair.. coz they tend to fluctuate their speed.. so clibby and i maintained and we ended up the 2 and 3 guys to complete the 12 rounds.. loLx.. melvin was first.. (ran alot in sec sch) but we could have won him if i didn't open my stupid mouth to encourage him during the last sprint.. loLx...
well had some mental focus with the team... 3 diff types.. i wasn't sure how effective they were.. but i'm sure they benefitted alittle.. coz to me.. its my last land training as captain... next week... its a new guy here on the gallery leading these great men and women.. though in my 2 years.. many times i've bled in my heart.. reaped in shouts of joy... laughed loudly with my teammates... all of them really gave me a gruelling feel in my heart... joy... happiness... relief.... worry... separation... all formed an agglumerate in me... i've always wondered how the team will fare.. coz how they perform is a reflection of my efforts these 2 years... though i doubt if my teammates will ever really appreciate me... bits and bits i feel the team bonding even strongly to me... some may like me.. some may just treat me as a captain.. some may treat me as a fren.. others might treat me as a tyrant.. but in the end... i'll always treat them as my beloved team.. no matter what they've done to me.... to SRJC CANOEING TEAM!! leT's rEap ouR sucess thaT WE deseRve so mUCH!! SR canoEists whOosh!!!
dEminG
in thE spiRitually loVed.. thEre is nEver a ExiStanCe as dEfeaT
My mind's unweaving/ 10:47 PM
Sunday, July 25, 2004
My mind's unweaving/ 10:37 PM
when we finally got down... was alittle dissatisfied with clibby coz he was pulling hard for our laps... then as i said b4.. there were only sufficient time for only like about 2 laps.. so i felt that it was quite a waste of time... haiz... coz we had to leave early.. for PARENT'S DAY
rushed home after training and changed to my sch uni then left for school with my mom.. was feeling really dopey then and was quite sian-ed by the fact of having to listen to a bloody principals address.. much to my expectation.. she was doing her regular PASS PERCENTAGE ANALYSIS.. while other colleges are doing DISTINCTION PERCENTAGE ANALYSIS.. well as i said to my mom... "WELCOME TO SRJC"
my mom was quite surprised by how 'well' SRJCians can cope with their exams... i mean like almost the rest of the sch doesn't have such a ardous training as a canoeist.. yet their grades can be so much worst then mine.. to be honest i know i didn't put in effort for my exams.. yet i still can be the upper caste of SRJCians... blEahz... but i was pretty happy with my GP and Bio Ranking of 25/633 and 4/101.. lolx... quite zai sia... nvm.. by pRelims i shall be 10/633 and 2/101!!! muhAHahaz.. just you wait!!
so my mom was like going ard talking to all my tutors as possible.. then we met all the 2S04 parents in the classroom.. hx's mom wasn't as mean as i tot she would be.. saw the cool fabby's dad as usual.. hahaz.. then some familar parents like evelyn's mom... quite farnie.. like laysee said its like seeing where the genes come from.. then our dear wx nv come.. only the mom came.. then principal.. teachers all calling for him... the mom must be really hua-yi~~
was quite nice but awkward when my mom ask abt my performance in school... miss cheng and mrs lim both complimented me as being really bright.. just that lack of effort.. knowing that canoeing will end by next week they like give me the look amidst smiles "hahaz.. NOW you better buck up... muhAhahz... first off.. DO YOUR TUTORIALS" actually i brought out the idea of dropping physics that i had ever since last year.. but my mom always dismissed the idea.. then i tried talking to my tutors asking abt it... mrs lim fully supported me.. while mr Tan straightaway warned me abt dropping.. what the... first he was encouraging dh to drop.. then my turn he scold me for thinking abt dropping.. he was like commenting me in the classroom.. saying aloud "mrs lee.. actually deming is definitely a DISTINCTION student for GP!! its just i marked him down to stretch him~~".. loLx.. what the... when he said that the whole room turned quiet.. then i felt the "sa qi" accumulating on my back as a cold chill went past my back... bRrr... (coz there mostly is fail GP ppl one.. =p)
after that i went to HLM to shop with moi mom and we went to my grandma's house straight without changing.. i was really tired by then and slept right after eating there... been a while since i saw my grandmother.. but looks like she's healthy and well nowadays le... usually saturday nights i've been busy with training or dates.. so haven't been going down to visit her.. though we hardly speak (coz of language barrier) can see she's really happy to see me... but well.. abit sad that i was so tired i knocked out in the room till my parents had to wake me up b4 we go home...
dEminG
2 dayS to naTIonaLS~~!
My mind's unweaving/ 6:22 PM
Friday, July 23, 2004
was almost late for school today... last few days been very dopey in the mornings... even with hl giving me a wake up sms i also barely made it in time.. hahaz.. in fact i was really tempted to take a cab.. but i said 'what the hell' i'll rather be late than poor.. loLx.. later like fabby get his allowance cut.. loLx!!
school was the same yepz.. but wasn't as sleepy for lectures... *amazing* can see that my attention span is really improving hahaz... the prob is tutorials lar.. haven't started on my chem and physics while some of our class pia one already completed both.. hmmmz... but well true to my promise... after next week i'm definitely gonna pia my studies.. gonna show the world that as long as i focus and believe.. i can do it!!
today practical was kinda easy... was abit concerned coz heard darren keep talking abt it on wed.. but it turnt out pretty do-able.. and i finished b4 the stipulated time... as usual the gals were abit lacking in speed and most of them have yet to complete even when the lesson ended.. alot of the guys left immediately when miss cheng dismissed us.. seeing the gals were still finishing up, i couldn't just leave lidat.. so helped them clean up the stuff.. worst was evil-lyn.. loLx.. she havent even do the 2nd experiment.. so well the remaining peepz were like pressurizing and helping her.. (maybe more of the former) hahaz.. i helped her to heat her chemcials prior to titration and she was like so kan jiong.. hahaz... well.. she finished it in a flash (1 reading? hahaz) and we all left.. the gals went their separate ways again without saying a word.. so i just went home lorz... was surprised though to receive a sms of thanks for evil-lyn.. hahaaz.. so she has a conscience after all.. =p
well.. actually hl asked me if i wanted to stay back to watch the interhouse matches... i dunnoe why i didn't wanna.. on one hand i was really tired but still felt like supporting my frenz.. but then i didn't know why i wasn't too keen to meet her... *shRugs* she's really nice to keep me company thru the hp for the last few days... but still i dont know how she looks like and yet she seems to really support my every activity.. well.. maybe its just normal but i feel kinda worried... not for myself.. but maybe for her... well.. she's always messaging me and chatting lively with me.. but i nv really initiated any conversations with her... its like a one-sided kinda thing you know... nv really got this kinda exp b4... so i also dunnoe what to do... it'll be mean not to chat with her.. but at the same time i don't wish for her to place so much emphasis on me based on how much she knows me... if possible i would like to return that sentiment.. but well.. i dont even know who she is really...
but for the moment.. all thats really on my mind is my nationals school kayakking championships in 5 days time... its from the 28th to 30th of july... deep down i really look forward to a good race... based on my timings from my training compared to the other pair of coz the chances of winnning a medal is bleak.. yet i dont feel any fear.. i do not anticipate or even have the slightest feeling of a medal anymore.. all i really wish for is to complete the race in style.. to the best of my ability... kinda sad though.. gonna miss all the trainings... the times i debriefed.. the times i led the team.. scolding.. shouting.. motivating... all this will end after my nationals... then its time for the new batch of canoeists to take over.. i really pray for their success from the bottom of my heart.. and for my batch to do ourselves proud... fear not the enemy.. LET THEM FEAR US!!.. my race will be on the 28th July 2.20pm at the Kallang Basin hopefully my frenz can come down coz its after sch to support or just take some time off to be with me spiritually... it'll be over in 2min... let it be my best!!
dEminG
5 daYs to gLory!!
My mind's unweaving/ 8:33 PM
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
woo.. just came back from a tiring but moderately satisfying training after missing out 2... was surprised when one of moi dear juniors came up to ask me if i was angry or anything.. hmmmz... one things for sure.. when she asked it struck to me that after last week.. i've kinda changed alot more than i ever possibly thought..
one thing for sure.. i begun to treasure frenzhips more than ever... when i got back i really took the effort to talk to moi frenz.. minus-ing the occasional potentially hurting comments made outta fun... i've become much more frenlier to our class gals.. and they actually seem to be warming up to me... as a fren of coz.. =]
just before i fell ill i was lamenting how irrtable i was beginning to become... just small annoyances could piss me off for an entire day... recently i was more than happy to feel back to same old me... more tolerant and more importantly understanding without a short temper tied to a fuse... hahaz..
and i'm more astonished by the flame that ignited in me.. the flame to excel in academics... the drive to acheive good grades and really pay attention for lectures.. but coz of compeitions i kinda cast it aside... hopefully the flame wont snuff out~~ hEhez... 3As and A1 for GP!! leT's go!!
but not alls well... like what my junior pointed out.. i'm having a rather black face of late... maybe its an exaggeration to me.. but i definitely not been as cheery, crazy, hip and enthusiastic (for no apparent reason) as b4... maybe i've become more serious.. but unlike b4 i dont find my cheeks tired from a day of endless laughing... its become quite sharp and straight instead..
hmmz yesterday a fren of my fren messaged me asking to befriend me... well.. seeing her sincerity i couldn't really reject.. but was kinda surprised how much she knows abt me... hmmz.. even my own classmates barely know when's my training days after all this time... (huh? not everyday mehz?) kinda nice gal... talkative like me... hahaz.. but i nv met her b4... she told me that she first noticed me during the sports day cheerleading.. on the request of natalie i volunteeered to lead cheering for orion on that day.. i prepared everything on my own last min.. my class guys did help.. it begun pretty well with well met support but it fell into shambles after awhile.. and really dissapointed me and made me feel so ashamed i just left away in shame that day.. hahaz.. hopefully she didn't see that part.. =p hmmz.. wonder who she is... can't happen to be the same gal charlyn mentioned to me sometime back?? hmmmz...
but i've been thinking about someone i know for quite some time.. didn't really notice her until recently... hahaz.. really whacky person... beginning to really see her cute side... ever thought of going after her... but my confidence isn't at its highest... even got nationals set into aim... i guess i shall just let time tell for the moment.. then maybe i should try to get to know her more... after nationals... =]
thinking back... when wl asked me if the exp i briefly shared with him was my first.. i really took time and think.. yepz.. she was the first and really deep one in my heart... i like all the female frenz i know.. some really close frenz.. but she was the only one in my life thus far that really made me feel that i CAN love her... though it didnt happen coz she had a bf all this while... i've nv really been disheartened by that incident... coz can see that she's also very happy... and to me.. thats really enough... so i guess i hafta move on... to find my true one... a one i know from the really bottom of my heart that i can love.... and all i really wish to do is to say to her... I Love You
deMing
lEt noT loVe bE a nEccessIty... buT a parT oF all oF uS thaT wiLl beaUTify ouR souLs
My mind's unweaving/ 10:32 PM
thing about school recently.. i seemed to have changed alittle.. my attention span for lectures has increased dramatically.. i actually feel hardworking and really pay attention and focus on every word the lecturer says... i didn't even sleep for mr tan s.c's maths lecture! feel kinda proud of myself...
then came the nostalgic routine principal's prep talk.. as usual stats and all which did not interest me... feel good for wx and ky for their good grades.. but one thing.. i didn't like the way mrs kok handles things... not that i hate her.. but still.. the way she rationalises the poor results... its really degrading.. i mean its just PASSING PERCENTAGE and its like all less than 50%.. yet she still can be so nice.. i mean like.. what SRJCians need is a strict eye-opener.. i really felt like taking centre stage and talk to the J2s.. "YOU came into college for a reason no different from mine... however.. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY GAZE UPON SUCH GRADES AND SMILE?? thats the reason why JCs look down on us.. i dont expect you all to nerd yourself.. but still... do you have some pride? is this your best?" not that i wish to brag.. but without proper preparation i still can get B4, B, C, Ao, E... 47 pts.. and still is commended as "GOOD" by mrs kok... if only i had the chance i'll just love to stand up and talk to the J2s... come on!! we're better than this!!
today wasn't the best day too.. during GP.. hx suddenly burst out in anger.. and scolded and insulted the class.. of coz the guys ignored him... but i couldn't stand his arrogance... just becoz the class was irresponsive.. he blew his top off.. i've worked with this class for a year and a half.. yet when i do really serious stuff.. i can always get their attention... just becoz of his failure to do so.. he insults and cricticizes us in front of me... bad enough.. he continued to complain and proclaim loudly how "barbaric" we are.. until i was about to really deliver a very hard punch into his mouth... when we were dismissed he begun to proclaim loudly again.. then i couldn't take it anymore.. i just turned back and shouted "SHUT THE F***K UP!!".. its the first time i really said something so vulgar with so much intention in school b4.. i just ignored him later and walked away.. i dunnoe what it may do to him... but is it wrong of me to do so??
i took a long time shuffling through my wardrobe and my bro's (i tend to borrow clothes from him) and couldn't really get a fitting attire.. b4 i knew it i was running late and just chose blindly and left.. i knew the clothes were too big and didn't look good.. but i just bore my tooth and left... the musical wasn't as good as i hoped.. the actors were good.. but the plot ruined it all.. couldn't stand how they put the dance into the production... the dances are always the uplifting parts coz i always loved to observe the sophistication and beauty of modern dance.. ^__^ moreover it became very draggy.. ending past 10.30pm...
i didn't really like my outlook today... then came the question of change... after entering Jc.. alot of changes has occured that i dont really realise... i've become much more CONFIDENT with myself... looks not much.. but i kinda feel that i have nurtured my own style.. and im pretty much sastified with it.. hahaz... though my clothings weren't the best... if ppl shun me coz of attire then they'll just fail to see the within... the past few days i've been checking the mailbox hoping for a letter from commandos.. coz recently alot of schmates have gotten letters for further vocational assignments like NDU(LK) or commandos(jeremy).. i really looked forward to joining commandos.. but it seems that height really does matter huh... as i go for concerts or dramas.. i feel that i'm continually being pressed into the adult world.. mature looking ppl.. in well dressed clothings... couples not of just puppy love... while i still trap myself in this short, childish and disdainful body... that even clothes find difficulty fitting into... even though my frenz always support me.. going through the notion that height doesn't matter... i came to realise... SOCIETY ISN'T SO KIND
much as much so.. its came to my attention that some of my frenz have some problems of relationship... some pursuing a forbidden love.. others falling into pitfalls... though they always confide in me.. i always been able to talk to them.. helping them thru.. but i recall a period of time i myself was pursuing a forbidden love... of someone who's already attached.... though it was a sad journey.. i've come through it... seeing how my fren suffer that same plight.. i wonder if my experience has hardened me thus far.. to actually not be able to find a partner? i really have no confidence in what ppl see in me... not as a captain.. not as a student.. not as a canoeist... but as a man... someone keeps lying on the back of my mind.. but i just can't help thinking its just a way for me to rid me of this sore feeling... coz it'll be selfish of me... what should i do?
dEminG
caN i sTilL feEl youR lipS juST oncE moRe?
My mind's unweaving/ 12:01 AM
Sunday, July 18, 2004
what begun with a stomach upset grew to become 3 days of torture for me... at long last my fever fully subsided with just a little problems with digestion... didn't feel so light-headed anymore and felt strength coming back to me le... but even as i recover and regain control of myself.. i begin to feel listless and lethargic... becoz more than ever these 3 days had made me lonely
just thinking of my team.. my classmates.. going through their daily activites.. maybe training, shopping, doing hw, exercising... made me feel very isolated.... though several of them sms-ed me abt my illness.. what i really yearned was to see them again.. 3 days has been spent solely at home... sleeping for hours and hours.. hoping to back to the same old me to see my frenz again... really miss them alot...
today i met up with KL and yS to study at HP... but it was very crowded as it was a sunday... so i couldn't focus and decided to go home to continue... i happened to chance upon hn and jessey at coffee bean.. really a coincidence... they actually stay at amk but they were studying at coffee bean in hougang? weiRd... much to my dismay.. i returned home to see my relatives at my house.. my 3 terror cousins... wrecking my room apart and fighting as the younger bullied one sobz... i really dislike them not coz they are noisy.. i dislike my aunt... she bears this 'bo chup' attitude to her 3 sons.. and always comes to parasite on my family and my other aunt for free meals.... with such poor upbringing i really worry for the future of my cousins... already now they have no ettiquette.. no manners.. no respect... i sincerely hope they would found solace in adolescence and not turn bad...
i originally also intended to go to bugis to look for a pair of pants for the musical after receiving a degrading fashion lecture from mr p tan... but no matter who i ask out.. they are either busy or have other plans... i know its pretty selfish of me... but i have been alone for 3 whole days... my spirit is really drained that i have not smiled nor laughed for all these days... even though im thankful for the support and concern my parents shower upon me... the companionship that frenz offer is still missing in my life... and that i feel is worst than any illnesses....
deep down in my heart.. i really yearn for someone to accompany me... that missing part of me... maybe it comes with age... but being single is beginning to lose its attractivity... to be honest i'm jealous to see people busyly messaging their partners... to keep them company when they are alone.. to take care of them when they're sick... its not that my frenz dont do likewise... but the intimate bonding is irreplaceable.... my plans today were totally wrecked... tutorials undone... empty spirit... lonesome soul... broken heart.... i just cant wait to wake up tommorrow and forget these 3 days that has past...
just like how i've always tide thru my darkest days...
dEming
thE skY iS beAutifuL yEt... emPty... bluE with hopE buT seaRed witH crimSon reD... is it a reFlectioN of my hEart today?
My mind's unweaving/ 10:10 PM
Saturday, July 17, 2004
haiZ.. was hoping i'll be back on form today after a day's rest.... haiZ.. woke up still feeling weak and though the fever felt it subsided it was still 37.7degrees... dunnoe lar... western med sux... the fever only erupted after taking the medicine.. then the prob is the med needs to be taken 2 hours apart.. so i cant really squeeze in paracetamol... ---___--- it rained really heavily and as i was packing my bag for training i was feeling cold and hot at the same time.. cold sweat and all.. was still considering to go for training till my mom insisted that i take a rest... haiz.. missed another training.. feels so weird that everyone is training so hard as i'm resting at home... really wish i get better soon...
dEminG
aRe thEre miRacLes in thiS woRld?
My mind's unweaving/ 11:49 PM
Friday, July 16, 2004
haiz.. today went to sch feeling a little weird.. had some milk and porridge in the morning and it got worst.. i figured its the sushi i had yesterday which was 1 day old and i cant bear to throw it away... the pain just kept coming and coming... its hard to describe but it feels like alot of knots in my stomach and sharp pains here and there... i hoped it would go away after awhile like my previous cases but it just worst even if i put some axe oil on my tummy...
after much consideration i decided to go to the polyclinic to see a doc... thankz to pao chern who accompanied me for a 2 and a half hours wait for a 8 min consultation.... the doc didnt really elaborate but gave me charcoal pills, rehydrating salts and some pills for stomach cramps.. i hoped it would become better but it wasn't as effective as i hoped..
the pill for stomach cramps was good.. the pain went away immediately.. but i still couldnt go to the toilet without pain... haiz... i went to take a nap while my bro was cursing and swearing that his com kana virus and he went to my room print like hundreds of pages of anti virus info... maybe thats why i got a SPLITTLING HEADACHE now... think maybe its coz i haven't been ill for such a long time (first time this year) that i feel very very weak...
the headache escalated into a fever as i went to compass point to meet fabby for dinner.. much to my delight fabby jio-ed a few other guys - kl, dh, alvin, hx.... though it might not mean much to them.. it helped to lighten up my down spirit... went to eat BK coz i skipped lunch but i didnt have much of an appeititie and i made frequent trips to the toilet without any results.. unknowingly i took up alot of time in the toilet that i was late by 1 hour to buy my bro his dinner.. he cursed and sweared at me on the phone when i called to tell him the shop was closed... he couldn't even sympathize with the pain i'm going thru and still demanded everything.. even when i got back he didnt even say a word of thankz or concern even when he saw me slouched on the kitchen table after taking my medication..
have alot of things to say today.. but the fever and stomachache is really killing me... i just dont know how to recover.. and i really wanna go to training tml.. but if the fever persists.. i dont think i'll be able to really perform on the waters... oh manz.. can someone pls lift this illness from me... i cant stand it anymore...
dEming
mental ilLnEss to phySicAl ailMents..
My mind's unweaving/ 10:03 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2004
what came over me yesterday i didn't know... maybe i was just too tired... that the tiredness turned onto the miserables of my life... haiz... anyways i refused to wake up today coz was really tired.. then true to my belief i only auto woke up at 11.30am lidat.. haiZ... when i woke up i felt so lost... its weird to be home when all my frenz are in school... but luckily no one was really worried or bothered with what happened to me... coz i think i'll feel worse if they ask... --__--
but i really didnt go drinking... it just struck me and i cant even remember why.. its like a domino effect.. self hate just keeps growing and growing.. i actually wanted to walk in front of the car when i was jay walking... guess its what ppl call mental illness?? first thing that came to my mind was how the team would be for training.. so i messaged monica to tell her of my absence.. but when asked whats wrong with me.. i also didn't know what to reply... i felt tat i was really irritating.. messaging her abt the team... when mr tan called me i didnt pick up at first... but it turnt out that he was telling me that coach will be outta hospital tml...
now as night falls i begin to wonder what will happen tml... all i really hope is everyone forgets abt me... the more they ask abt what happened to me.. the weirder i feel... also i wonder what to tell miss cheng tml... to tell the truth.. tell her that i didnt feel up to going to school... wonder what she'll say... detention maybe? no parents letter no mc... just thinking what will happen tml tears my mind crazy..
deming
listening to cannon in d... the symphony to heal a torn and confused soul...
My mind's unweaving/ 8:57 PM
what the f*ck is inner beauty? its all f***ing excuses.. its all LIES.. huH? druNK? no yoU diDnt drink nO sh*t.. donT need companionshiP?? i think you out of everyonE else is the loneliest piece of loser sh*T aRD!! wHy thE f*ck aRe you wriTIng thiS whEn evEryonE else is sleePIng? whaT the f*ck you hopE to achiEve?? why thE f*rk aRe you sO shoRT?? hoW thE hell you SurVive waking uP tO looK aT youRselF - a piEce oF sh*T eveRyday? whY am aRe pisSEd off at nothinG aT all? why thE hell are yoU so f*rking cRazy evEn w/o dRInkinG? go on anD waiT.. go on anD rot that selF fulfillinG coRpse... why donT you juST f***inG diE? whaT arE you so hAppy abouT?
whY iS youR f***inG namE dEMinG?
juSt ask thE loSeR to f*Rk oFf!
My mind's unweaving/ 12:30 AM
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
aRrRr.. my freaking leg.. went for a 4.5km jog with cliburn in the morning... the sun has yet to rise yet so the weather was really chilly so i didnt really feel tired during the run... the pace was quite fast and we were like overtaking the old fellas so many times.. =\ it felt good after the 10 rounds ard the track coz like all the sweat that were fats were streaming down my body.. loLx.. so much so that when i lied down on the ground.. the imprint of the new singlet was actually left on the ground!! jiAn gui ar...
it was a bad hair day for me ya.. lolx.. coz i took a bath after moi run and forgot to dry my hair b4 i gel-ed up my hair.. so when it actually dried it looked pretty shrivelled?? loLx.. though fabby says there isnt much of a diff... anyways lesson were just the same old stuff.. bio pract was a little blurry for me as mrs lim left us alone again to ponder what actually to draw.. so i just anyhow scribble some crap drawing up...
recently been raining alot.. but then its pretty much to my favour.. like yesterday when it rained heavily in the afternoon.. it stopped just nice for our training.. heHez.. then today at first i had plans to swim.. but weiliang jioed me to go watch MEAN GIRLS and so i agreed... luckily for me.. it rained cats and dogs.. so i felt quite lucky that i chose to go catch the movie.. though its abit 'dui bu qi' mrs lim.. i guess i needa the break.. besides.. only thing on my mind now is canoeing... canoeing.. canoeing.. girls.. canoeing.. canoeing.. ANYWAYS.. it aint good to deviate too much eh? loLx
the movie was really the B*TCHIEST movie i ever watched.. loLx.. like totally.. they taught so many ways to bitch and backstab someone i couldnt keep count... it was funny at times and really lame.. (surely you got something good => i can tell the weather by *squiSh sQuisH*) even had parts that reminded us of monica.. (halloween~~) loLx.. but the gers didnt seem that impressed and monica actually said it was irritating.. it was an interesting fact though to see that the cinema majority were actually girls... the ending was kinda like those "happy ending" sorts.. abit far fetched.. but well its everyone's dream for world peace eh? but then it gave us a glimpse of how bitchy gers can be... how they can lie so well.. and how american ppl got such nice figures! >.<
thoughT of thE day: jusT a fEw hunDreD milES awaY.. anD onE heLla biG diFf foR fiGures... US vs Asian.. hAiz.. whats happening... ---___---
dEming
tuToriaL timE~~~
My mind's unweaving/ 8:35 PM
Monday, July 12, 2004
loLx.. today damn farnie... borrowed a penknife from fabby to cut off the handle of moi water bottle.. (pirated stuff lar.. what you expect?) coz it broke off.. then i accidentally cut cut until it slipped and went straight into my palm.. lolx.. before i get to see anything i let out a shout of pain.. loLx.. then fabby was like damn stunned and worried.. loLx.. till i looked at it and laughed.. hahaz.. he was so embarassed he threw vulgarities at me sia.. hahaz.. funny guy... can see how he cares for his frenz yea?? besides he should be quite proficient in first aid.. hEhez.. =XX
we finally begun on our long awaited bio lecture on sexual reproduction in animals.. much as i thought.. mr salahuddin thought it till it became excruciatingly boring.. amazing how they make what a interesting topic dull.. hahaz.. then a few times he tried to lame us... like "theres 2 testes... by right all guys should have 2".. loLx.. then i also found my answer as to why some ppl have such perculiar tastes... theres actually FRUCTOSE!!.. so it must taste like some fruit eh?? maybe watermelon or banana flavour.. hmmz.. guess i'll nv know.. =]
training today was alittle cool.. was drizzling.. and i conducted this kinda jog sprint training without stations and rest.. the J2s kinda die-ed under me.. amanda was perculiarly down.. at first i thought was the "gers thing".. loLx.. then after training she explained that its just coz she was NERVOUS abt training.. hmmz.. guess we gotta chill off abit.. hmmZ.. tried out this interesting way to train focus as fatigue builds in for canoeing... hit off quite well and i was kinda stunned by the response.. hahaz.. cooL stuff... maybe i should be a coach.. hEhez...
then i reviewed my possible job interests.. they include: dance instructor... gym instructor... canoeing coach.... psycharist.. coz i feel i got the talent and knack for such stuff.. hahaz.. but of coz.. as fabby says.. we gotta NERD ourselves.. coz in the end its the nerds that have the last luff eh?? hEhez.. anyways tml going to job with clibby in the morning so cant blog too long.. maybe going for swim or watching mean girls.. hmmmZ.. what should i do??? *scraTch heaD*
new sonGs on thE bloCk: My happy enDing - aVriL lavignE
ComE on - bEn jElen
shE wiLL be lOVed - maRoon 5
looK whaT you'Ve donE - jEt
piEces of me - ashlee simpSon
coloR blinD - daRius
dEminG
mp3 doWnloaD fRenzy!!!
My mind's unweaving/ 10:08 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2004
hAiz.. dunnoe whats happening to me nowadays.. been erally temperament of late... small things that i usually overlooked can make me pissed off for the entire day... i always thought of myself as a patient fella... but sometimes i get SUPER impatient just waiting for a bus that i keep throwing vulgarities to the bloody crowds and that sleeping driver... not to mention i'm much more easily irritated... a kid on the bus kept wailing as i was trying to sleep yesterday.. normally i would just laugh and pity that kid's parent.. but yesterday i actually wanted to go over and hit that piece of sh*t... uGh!
maybe its just yesterday ba... i just get super irritated when ppl say things i hate to hear too... its not like i havent made my stand of how irritating certain topics are to me... and i also cant bear to scold or tell the person off... so i just keep to myself and could actually affect my mood as i think how unlucky i am... i felt so mean that seeing couples and families happily chatting away that i just wanted to get the hell outta there....
today was better yepz.. coz in the first place.. 3/4 of my day so far has been sleeping on my bed.. clearing my usual sleep debt that i accumulated over the week as well as to clear the fatigue from trainings.. wanted to go for a swim or gym then it rained so heavily that i decided to sleep it off instead... hAiz... my bag is like tearing apart already... but i can't SEW.. guess i'll either throw it away or replace it with a new sling bag.... but been tight on my finiances again... haiz.. seems like i gotta scrimp this week too...
dEminG
stOP f***inG iRritaTing mE!!!! (getting pissed at nothing in particular..)
My mind's unweaving/ 7:41 PM
Saturday, July 10, 2004
phew.. i almost completely forgot abt something today... o.O i was supposed to attend this PW Focus Discussion Forum.. at AJC.. lucky mr ong reminded us after his lesson otherwise we would have completely forgone it.. fabby didnt really seem too keen as he tot of it as a waste of thing.. but i guess its really in my nature to participate in such inter-colleges events.. (pre-u sem... bio olympiad.. bio-business forum... etc etc..) besides like sometimes.. this time only me and fabian got selected coz every college only can send 2 J2s... so it happened to be us.. ^___^ besides i always enjoyed a trip outta school with new faces to meet.. hEhehez.. if you get what i mean.. ;)
that besides the point.. i was kinda nostalgic to be back in ajC.. not been much.. but i've been there 3 times.. i've been to NTU 3 times too... SAJC twice... TJC 4 times.. loLx.. the rest of the JCs are nono for me.. =XX so i kinda know my way ard.. its kinda intriguing to see the AJCians already studying really hard at the library as i walked in... then saw some ppl that shine out.. loLx.. but then the forum went underway.. then the main speaker happened to be this nice woman who was IN-CHARGE OF OVERALL CURRICULUM.. oh yesh.. she's the one that makes the calls of what kinda hell we go thru.. loLx.. then the overall in charge of PW was another woman.. looked more frenly and she really resembled someone i met in my life b4.. i just cant seem to recall...
they discussed about many matters... the reps from the diff colleges gave some interesting feedback too.. but they tend to be really superficial.. talking only about the problems and not proposing solutions.. on the other hand there was this RJC fella.. who seemed SUPER-WELL READ his first words were so qim it seemed to me he prepared them!! loLx.. then talk about what KNI & manhatten project like he was part of it with the teachers.. doh!! RI does weird things to ppl.. then on the other extreme side was this BIG FAT CJC b*tch.. lOlx.. not just coz she is so fat the chair was creaking but the way she criticise and put down others who score poorly for pw.. was Totally biaT*hy!!! sL*T!! hopE you get stuck at some doorway and diE!!
anyways being the simplistic me.. as always i gave simple but well thought of suggestions and comments to the issue.. such as J2 mentorship to J1s and cross grp discussions which the speaker spoke well of.. hEhez.. not say i wanna say lar.. but i think i'm the only one really putting some suggestions to tackle the issues instead of speaking some foreign gibberish and be in square one again.. it ended with me feeling a little sastified with myself and made me wonder if i should consider a job in MOE.. loLx.. then came the refreshments.. but the everyone ciaoz so fast i didnt get to talk to this chio gal from ACJC who was posing pretty throughout the whole session without saying a word.. loLx!!
anyways i went back after that.. played a game of WC3... then put on the shirt my mom bought for me from KL... (she claims its $170 ringgit).. the brand was alien to me.. but it felt really comfy and it was black with those kinda special textures.. (my fav shirt colour!!).. went to J8 to meet up with fabby, kiat loong, yong shen, hao yi and his bro... went to catch the movie SPIDERMAN 2.. loLx.. yepz the titles from a scene in the movie.. nothing wrong with me.. don't worry.. ^______^ the action i gotta agree was nice.. fight scenes and all.. loLx.. but the directors like got lame and put losta corny stuff here and there.. (i.e the lift).. hahaz.. but it seems like there'll be a spiderman 3 with an inconclusive ending...
just a thought i had as i went back... as i was listening to the radio.. (i recently found out the existance of the headphone for my HP) i felt like dedicating a song to my teammates and my frenz.. then i recalled back in sec 4.. prior to my o lvls.. i made a dedication to my scouts and classmates wishing them luck for their O's.. the song dedication was NIRVANA - SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT.. then being my first dedication ever.. it actually played and my dedication got picked and i won this BLUE (the band) CD along with a hamper.. cooL eh?? now im thinking of a suitable song to dedicate to my beloved frenz out there.. so gotta search ard for the perfect song eh?? hehEz.. maybe my 2nd dedication in my life might get another hamper?? hEhez i dont mind.. cheErios!
thouGht of the day: yS =>"whats the difference between a SRJC girl and girls from other schools?" anS => the latter do not know the existance of baggy skirts... o.O
quote from spiderman 2=> i bElieve thERes a hEro in alL oF uS...
dEMing
"noW im herE to staY... loVe can bE so boRIng...."
My mind's unweaving/ 12:15 AM
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
phew.. been a while since i blogged.. loLx.. been a bummer am i?? muhAHahhaz.. nahz.. i just rekindled my flame for WC3.. so i cant stop munching!! hAhaz.. havent got back any full papers yet.. thats why i still can smile ard.. blEahz.. so far those we got back werent that bright.. chem pract => 40.5.. bio Mcq=> 31/40.. haiz.. easy papers also score so poor.. im gonna die manz
highlight recently is this vid mr tan is showing us.. its called AMERICAN HISTORY X.. coz we're currently discussing on the issue of racism.. lOlx.. that show is pretty neat yea.. its actually went thru MDA... but if we censor every F*** word they said for the whole movie.. i think its only 30min nia.. hahaz.. some ppl find it stupid.. but i find it kinda nice.. esp the head crunching part.. *ouCH*.. though its pretty simple.. you can analyze.. (analyzeee.. analzzzzy... anllyaz... an*L s*x.... *quoTE from moVie*) and actually manipulate some really nice points on racism.. hehez.. thats why i love GP!!! =]
anyways i dunnoe why leiz.. suddenly the issue of singlehood comes back to haunt me again.. damn will it ever leave me alonE?? bLEahz.. coz my partner just broke up.. kinda sad for him.. but can see he's less pressured and stressed.. so maybe it was for the better yepz.. *donT woRry clibbY.. there's alot of fishes in thE worLd~~ ^__^ somemore we're canoeists leiz!!* then also the suspected seems true.. hahaz.. one break.. one steady.. a vicious cycle you say?? hahaz.. i dunnoez.. =X
hahaz.. just now training was cool.. though we didnt train very long and our timings all sucked.. it felt GOOD to be back to kallang.. and most of all.. back with the TEAM... but recently the weather beens really cold.. havent been switching on the air conditioning for the past few nites.. just with the fan and im freezing!! >.< maybe its coming.. the DAY AFTER TOMMORROW!!.. laps werent too good.. but i still got the drive to push to correct those problems and mistake we still have b4 nationals... clibby and i must jia you!!! of coz some divine blessings wouldn't hurt too.. ^__^ *pRayZ*
happened to recall abt things my close fren used to tell me... hahaz.. coz i helped her out alittle back in sec 4 coz she having some probs with her bf... then maybe out to thank me.. she was like praising stuff abt me.. nice... caring... funny.. cute (?)... then ask me if anyone chased me b4.. loLx.. apparently she was SURPRISED when i said no.. (maybe i sound quite educated in the field?? >.<) then she said other than VERTICALLY-INCLINED ISSUES.. it maybe coz im TOO nice o.O... loLx.. she says i'm like not the romantic type from afar leiz.. (sobZ).. somemore added that i don't seem the SERIOUS sort.. (=~~~) then she say that the prob maybe coz the gers are shy lar.. but most prob is coz i'm too frenly that ppl prefer me as a FREN and not a partner.. loLx.. strange comments.. but seems to be true leiz... =XX
then after training i took a bus back with lH.. talked abt losta stuff.. esp my class guys things.. hahaz.. interesting to hear of all the diff perspective towards our class guys.. *winkZ*.. but to protect her life i shall not elaborate.. hahaz.. hearing about her standards that she sees in guys.. i even got enlightened that gers actually like to RANK guys on scales.. loLx.. so i actually came up with a scoring system.. you know PEARLS for cca?? well deming and co. (deming deming and deming) has created a new original Guys ranking system.. its called CLAPS.. here goes
*C => Charisma
pRincE chaRminG with (shuAi qI) =>5
pRince chaRminG wiTh aTtituDe =>3
puSs in thE booTs(teaRfuL eyEs) =>2
Shrek (faRts) =>0
*L => Looks
bRad piTt hoT wasHboaRd aBs =>6
mEi naN (prEtty guyS) =>5
cuTe (uglY but aDorabLe =>4
decenT s'poRean =>3
bElow aVerage =>1
saDdam huSsein looKAlikEs =>0
A => Aptitude
PaRticipAte iN spoRts/fiTness =>3
haRdworkinG =>2
bummEr/couCh poTato =>0
fliRtaTeouS =>1
'pO' gF =>5
nErdS =>-3
*P => Personality
NicE FrenLy soCialaBe =>3
oveR niCe freNly soCiaLablE =>1
noT seRiouS =>0
plAyboY =>-3
*S => Sexuality
sEXxxxXyyy~~!~! (cHEst.. muSCles..) =>3
D.I.Y => -infinity
"how to dO ar" =>0
phuA chU kanG =>1
*(noT cumulaTive.. take highest score)
pls be warned this is CLAPS beta version 1.1... dissent with which burning down MOE building is welcomed.. not generalised yet.. well some smart gers just love guys who had losta gfs b4.. or some just love rich men... any input or breakthroughs pls put forth in forum to moi right.. ^___^ dont fret mAles.. a FeMalE scorinG system shalL comE SOON.. but of coz i'll need to find one hella long word to fit in all the categories gers expect of us ya?? ^__^ stay tunEd~!
dEminG
aRe you sExY??
My mind's unweaving/ 11:56 PM
Monday, July 05, 2004
hapPy youTh day pEepz!! hahaz.. really youth day sia.. see losta kids and youngsters ard.. loLx.. machiam im not one of them.. =p.. quite notably is the big grps of sec sch kids + couples.. haha... even saw dear caleb at kovan with a big BOQUET of flowers.. and a present too.. hahaz.. so nice lorz.. youth day also buy gifts.. hahaz.. lucky her.. ;)
yepz.. the match btw PORTUGAL and GREECE went wayward again.. tmD.. greek defense is DAMN TIGHT.. like what lidat.. bleahz... then their goal is coz of corner.. bLEahz.. but their keeper is good too ar.. white hair bugger.. hahaz... actually wanan bet on portugal yesterday.. but forgot to make my trip down to singapore pools.. so lucky me.. hEhez.. but see the portugese team and the prime minister cry until so bitterly.. can't help but sympathize with them... *here.. have some portugese egg tarts~~*
today went out with gabBy fabby anD emuS moI 86 batch st gabs ventures.. hahaz.. coz fabby been expressing this undying urge for lan gaming ..we finally fed that monstrous diet le.. muhAhahz.. we went to parkway parade to play.. we went first to the food court to have lunch.. there i saw my dad's cousin... hahaz.. long time no see.. i used to always go to her house to play with her son... he's a year older than me.. now in army i think.. she even gave me a treat~~ hEhehez.. coOL stuff.. up to now she still recognises me and treats me so nicely.. haiz.. i dunnoe how to repay her leiz.. =
we later went to parkway centre and searched the whole damn building for a lan shop.. didn't find it.. found things like MAVIS TUTORIAL.. POOL... P.B health Spa.. loLx.. then when i got dulan.. we took lift to the 1st floor and saw it.. >.< but ar.. fully booked.. so i left moi name there then we went ard jalan jalan.. end up become a 2 hours wait.. of which we went looking for a pirated shop(to no avail) then tried to go to roxy square(needs membership).. so we just sat our time out at mac till it was finally our turn.. muhAHahaZ!!
we played WARCRAFT 3 & Battlefield 1942.. warcraft was damn fun.. hahaz.. long time nv play.. but still most pro amongst them.. =X jC life ar.. but instead of my usual night elves i used humans.. and i did quite well eh.. dont pray play.. so now i shifting to human tactics le.. hehez.. must train up.. battlefield 1942 was interesting yepz.. can pilot tanks boats.. but the guns rather limited and low ammo.. the sound of the weapons also sounded really crappy.. and unlike call of duty you cant look sideways.. so UNREALISTIC.. hahaz.. suXorz.. verdict:WC3 and COD ruLEz!!!
gabby is still his old self.. quiet.. weird.. loLx.. but he was very gian to play pool so we went to play at parkway parade.. at the arcade.. the tables and cues all sucked.. but still we played.. hahaz.. but then there like no body one.. i prefer play at those pool centres ar... if i not playing at least can see other people... hAhahaz.. play laR!! what you thinking.. =p even though amos kept protesting on pool.. we played along.. hahaz.. now all of us like wanna go chiong again soon.. so fun.. hahaz.. well thats how i relived my youth.. hahaz.. was wondering about the nightlife.. you know.. geylang.. the food very nice eh? ^__^ but all kinda tired.. so we got home le lorz...
thought of the day:somEhow amos seemed pretty shagged then sayed "chio-chio-bus" when he was actually referring to "choccobos" from the final fantasy series.. loLX~!
dEminG
cHIo-cO-cRuncH!!!
My mind's unweaving/ 9:14 PM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
been quite some time since i last blogged.. hahaz.. its just been accumulating losta fatigue over the week.. so everytime i get home i just hit the bed immediately.. =p yEpz the exams are over.. but gotta admitt its the worst exam i took.. i won't be surprised if i got like 3 Fs... but eitherways the exam has served its purpose to me.. it pretty much helped me wake up to reality.. so i got the study mood le.. hEhez.. but also.. the fatigue calls for some rewards eh?
hahaz.. actually wanted jio my class go sentosa on youth day.. maybe coz short notice the gers can't really vacant them.. surprisely i'm become much more patient.. O.o dunnoe how come also.. just say wait till next time when everyone is keen ya? hahaz... yeah.. i guess its much better than having an isolated outing.. =]
yesterday went to chomp chomp with my venture mates... really great guys to go out with.. hahaz.. can talk about anything under the sun.. even wanted to go PUBBIES that maybe read to something familar to us.. loLx.. was also taught how beng cleared his la-la.. loLx.. omG.. then amos was back to his fake biO zhar boh style.. hAiz.. as i told him.. hahaz.. look lidat the ger see sure very pissed off.. must be like me.. lOLX~!~! *winkZ* ;)
today went down to kallang to paddle a few laps.. been a long time since we paddled.. so our technique was a little rusty.. but what we had was ENERGY.. loLx.. clibby and i virtually flew for the first lap of 250m.. but the prob is.. we're going for 500m... *sCraTcH sCratcH*.. the biggest issue is that clibby tends to tire out very quickly and slows down dramatically... if like got speedometer on our boat.. the speed will drop by like X2 by 250m mark.. so wasted lor.. i felt that the weight training i've been doing over the exams really helped to strengthen my power.. but nvm.. thy shalt give up!! ^___^
later went P.S with lk, wl, darren and pok.. just went to eat at the food court yepz.. we left later coz everyone was pretty tired from the exams so just go take a break.. only pok went to sentosa with his sec sch frenz.. loLx.. so good lorz.. go to sunset bay with a big grp of yandaos.. sure attract lustful stares.. hAHahaz... went back with lK.. hahaz.. happy only sia this guy.. seems like he got quite a catch.. hahAaz.. wish them all the best ar.. but good to see the gabrielites spirit havent die.. were talking about rocket types to using cameras.. loLx.. manz... then i tried to remember that he and i were actually classmates back in sec 1.. but we weren't too frenly back then... now in jC.. he's my pTi and fellow lamE guy.. though sometimes he about btH.. he's still a great guy.. hahaz.. if only he's not that flirtateous lar.. make me feel like flirting too.. hAhahaz..
thouGht of thE daY: thE tiTle comEs from the quoTe i saw in sec sch i think.. don't you peepz find that the more you think about things.. the more stress and worries come into your mind.. at times i feel its meaningful to just think simply and say "its good that we're here".. =] gives you a sense of peace with yourself yepz? and it isn't a lie.. coz we are alive and beating.. isn't that the greatest gift one can receive? ^___^
dEminG
eURo 2004 finaList!!!
My mind's unweaving/ 9:31 PM
Thursday, July 01, 2004
wah today slept like a log.. after like 4 days of late nights and early mornings (devoted to last min revision).. today i woke up at 9am.. omG.. thankz aloT manz.. needed that sleep.. coz my maths paper is at 1pm so i didnt have to wake up at the usual 6.30am to go to school.. i managed to do some good revision in the morning too so i went to sch a little confident for ONCE..
saw sharon boarding the bus as i disembarked.. then next thing i saw was lk.. loLx.. they seem to be er... hmmz.. nvm.. shouldn't poke my nose into other ppl's business.. loLx.. went for lunch with lk then miss cheng saw me... told me that me and fabby were selected *wow i'm honoured* to attend this PW dialogue session.. kAoz.. SRJC even though got very little band 1s can get those arts student mahz.. why me and fabby.. blEahz.. but at least got opportunity to meet ppL from other jCs.. loLx.. esp gers.. ^__^ damn i'm a perv.. =p
went to library and studied with lk.. was surprised to see how much i have yet to do.. so i begun to panick.. (maybe coz of lk lar).. but lucky for me.. i felt the paper was pretty easy... doing the paper was quite a breeze.. compared to paper 1.. i felt that i just needa study maclaurin's and vectors harder i might actually get full marks for that paper! loLx finally sr decided to boost our morale with an easy paper.. hope tml will be the same.. hEhez
hmmz.. actually wanna write about it yesterday.. coz last night i was browsing thru bananrians.. saw beng heng's post.. was really heartened.. truly we 1986 batch is the best.. apparently the unit is kinda dying.. then beng helped me remember the great moments in my scouty moments.. come to think of it.. almost all the frenz from other schools i made thru scouting.. some thru activities i went representing SRJC (i.e Pre-U Seminar).. still remember the campfires back then.. always too shy to ask for girl guides numbers.. loLx.. now too old ar.. cannot work the charm le.. =p recalled those fun activites we sweated on the same grounds like the ubin cycling trip.. memoirs of perv horny songs.. experiences in the SARIMBUN open air toilets... touching our fav fence.. hahaz.. it really brings back sweet memories.. more of which really changed my life from a fat SoTong baLL facE to be more sporty and outgoing...
campFires are not just singing songs to me.. they changed my life becoz campfires is my dancing stage.. yePZ.. no kidding.. all that confidence i display when i dance is not from talent.. its from experience ^__^ i started off joining the scouts dance group comprising of 1985 and 1986 batch dancers.. i was just sec 2 then.. we had lame dances.. "mummy" (yes those egyptians) moves etc.. most memorable is running man!! loLx.. 2006 southern cross dance team secret.. *huSH* i remember dances where i screwed the moves sometimes.. (fell over when i did a hand stand) and more of the times i grew thru dance after dance.. until i felt the professionalism in me.. the screamings and cheers of the audience when we step into the dance floor.. it still rings in my ear.. and the most memorable of which was the vortex campfire.. where our unit won 1st in the dance category.. so its like the no.1 dance grp of singapore scouts and guides... manz.. when they asked us to do an encore.. the cheers and shouts were deafening.. i never felt so proud and thrilled in my life.. its almost like stardom.. that whole sequence was PERFECT no screw ups no nothing.. simply great..
hahaz.. now im old and retired.. rusty with dance moves with this highly INFLEXIBLE body.. sometimes when i do get to dance in SRJC (NDP 2003 or Aerobics Marathorn) i do get the drive back.. but theres no time yepz.. still my wish remains true.. after my nationals i'm gonna really spend time on break-dancing and hip hop coz its always been the "in" thing for scouts and guides.. then maybe i can make a come-back with my fellow dancers in the dance grp.. charlie, marcus, willy, benjamin, chai huat, alvin, kenneth *fakE fReEZer!!* etc etc... then we'll put up the most unforgettable dance performance for our 2006 silver jubilee campfire!! roCk on!!
dEminG
bRowsinG thRu my ArchiVes.. iTs amaZing anD fun to read abouT thE paST as mEmoriEs pouR in.. hEhez.. loVe liFe!!
My mind's unweaving/ 8:59 PM
Boat Shoe from Timberland
Green Scarf from Hermes