haiz.. today ar.. chem paper.. SUPAH screw up.. don't know what crap i wrting.. always lidat one lorz.. study until so sui sui.. then exam time always kana bang by some corny alienated formula... ORGANIC CHEM SUX! lucky after that got 4 hours break b4 my bio paper coz mrs lim sick nv come.. so gotta wait for mr azahar..

went kovan makan with fabby wee keat and kiat loong alvin at KFC.. long time nv eat ar.. suddenly got craving again.. but ar.. TMD first they shrink their chickens.. now they shrink their mashed potato again until so small.. i one mouth can eat all.. blEahz.. wait they shrink their BALLS too then i luff ar... hMPh!

went back to sch and study at the library for bio later.. haiz.. those KIDS ar.. J1s lar.. think they really need that playground in the library.. so blardie noisy.. wanted stand up kb them.. but dunwan lar.. later i walk out of library with alot of bleeding faces on the ground =] bio paper was ok lar.. not too tough thankz to tips here and there.. but my right hand machiam dislocated.. write and write and write... non stop until the end of the session.. my fingers like grow craters in them le... even hao yi's hand the veins were popping up.. loLx

on my way home kinda dazed ard... then took in the surroundings ard me.. got a semi chio bu sitting behind me... ^_^ loLx.. but MORE IMPORTANTLY when i looked out i suddenly tot of why man is devoluting.. when i recall my small brush with the cat this morning in the canteen with the S5 guys.. i suddenly think.. "what happened to the animals?" sometimes i really think man is so obsessed in self perfection.. that they have come to forsake the beauty of nature.. last time my ambition used to be an environmentalist.. *blUsh bluSH* abiT shy to say lar.. but i love being with animals.. with modernization.. man haf missed out the luxuries of interacting with animals of diff species.. how often do you even come in contact with other beings? at the same time when i look into the sky.. i really think the sky is becoming more beautiful nowadays.. sounds stupid? but year by year.. i find the sky becoming more beautiful and beautiful.. its truly a sight worth to behold... so do you know what ya missing out in life now? ^_^

dEminG
sKy_niTe => tHe ridEr of thE skiEs.. graSPing thE eSsence oF tHe niTe..

phew.. today GP wasn't too much of a killer.. but i tried a whole new way of tackling the qns.. coz i got the premonition alot of ppl gonna write in a stereotypical form.. so i took on a whole new approach.. i dunnoe how the teachers will find it.. but its either a do damn well or do DAMN badly scenario.. nevertheless i finish the paper to come to realization i forgot some of my more powerful points.. so i guess it wont be A1 for me.. haiz.. just gotta settle for A2.. hAIZ..

later went to bk with fabby and alvin for breakfast.. then i came across a shining light from the newstand.. its like those kinda treasure coves kinda light you know? when i avoided the glare and looked closely.. i saw its demarcation... FHM hMmz.. without any futile attempt to curb temptation... i took out 6 smackeroos and oH yEah apRIL iSsuE sEcuRed! (anAlyst: the greatest solution to depression is LUST)

today i abit lame lar.. at first in sch still abt depressed and anti-social.. but after paper with breakfast with fabby and alvin then i begin to crack up abit.. hahaz.. back to my lame self.. talking cock... instilling horny thoughts to fabby and bringing in new light to the philosophy of hua xiangism.. actually wanted go home study.. end up accompanying fabby and alivn back to sch and study.. when i left i met my meiz may at the bus stop.. loLx.. i heard someone call my name then saw a like primary sch ger disembark from the bus loLx.. of coz she almost took a bite outta me again.. but coz her frenz ard then she dont resort to violence.. she came over from NYJC to crash SR.. haiz.. if only she'll transfer over.. liFE would bE more fun ya.. =]

dEminG
thanK goD foR FHM

think you all noticed the diff music on my blog this time... its a beautiful song that i came to pass... its Wish - S.E.N.S the same grp that brought the piano theme Forbidden Love... really suits my mood these past few days.. you'll find it starts slow and sorrowful... as it picks up you feel the thoughts in the mind... reflection... the pains of the past... as the new instrument comes in.. it represents the ones we know and brings in a more hopeful tune and comfort of the soul... once again it looks at the past again.. but at the end of it.. it brings you to the climax.. the tone of RESOLVE... DETERMINATION... FOR A MORE BEAUTIFUL FUTURE

truly.. man's greatest creation is not cinemas.. tvs... computers... but MUSIC ... many of my frenz find i haf weird tastes for music.. pop and poor ballads do not show the kinda of emotion and power that songs like such.. with no words.. no pop-idol behind the mike... but just the simple beauty of the song... i love dance songs.. for they are perfect expressions of the jubilation of the soul... rock songs for their strong feelings expressed in the making of the music.. classical songs for having many interpretations.. many feelings in the song.. even without words... anime songs coz they amplify many feelings in bring out the memories to experience the anime in oneself... you might come to realise many of Man's creations have harmed and hurt the world one way or another.. but Music has always been beautifying the lives of many...

today has been a quiet day.. all alone... just what i really needed i spent some time alone on the computer.. most of the time imbedded on my notes.. but the ideas are but a passing dream.. i don't feel normal... don't feel ok.. yet im not sick... went out to lunch and met fabian and co. to get my notes from him.. i was happy to see my close frenz again.. but at the same time i wasn't happy... its not their fault that i'm like that.. its all in myself... i really can't feel the motivation to smile.. even if i did... the memories of that thing still came to past... i left shortly and just tried studying again at home.. but to no avail.. i just can't set my mind thinking.. i don't even want to take this common test.. i don't want to suffer another defeat again.. given my current state of mind i could already predict the teachers calling me for remedial... for counselling.. i want to pick myself up on my own.. but i need more time... and the world isn't gonna stop for me... i really don't know.. i never felt so weak in my life for so long before... can i ever truly pick myself up again?

dEminG
thE silEnt piAniST oF my dReamz

today was the semi finals and finals for the races.. frankly speaking.. i didn't want to go down.. didn't want to see macritchie again.. dont wanna see the race lanes again.. the place of my defeat.. but i couldn't forsake my teammates.. i almost ran late but we managed to leave as scheduled.. my biggest setback for that day was clibby messaging me he was sick.. and didn't turn up at all.. it really made me think twice of his drive in canoeing... my trip there.. the entire day... except when i was videotaping and buying lunch.. i barely smiled or joked ard... i could really see the difference of me from 2 days ago.. the Deming 2 days ago is really dead..

some of my teammats also didn't make it to the top 3.. some were in regret.. some in anger.. some in continued resolution... some in silent defeat... as the captain.. as well as their teammate.. i just had to talk to them.. becoz... 24 hours exactly.. i was even more broken and torn than them.. but no one was there for me... at the end of the day.. our 4 gers did us proud by coming in second in their k4 500m.. clinching 4 Silver medals.. indeed i was very happy for them.. for their effort paid off.. but i really wonder... and look upon myself.. i can't help feeling jealous.. already 6 of our teammates have medals.. how abt the remaining 9? (with me included..)

after we packed up and all.. we got back to kallang to keep our equipment.. its really a feeling of warmth and homecoming... on familar grounds i felt more confident... becoz THIS is the place that will make all the difference... for my last race in july.. the NATIONALS SCHOOL we had a small skirmish as we threw li hua into the river.. loLx.. she got 2 MEDALS lorz.. K4 silver and K1 bronze... its like in the history of SR only 1 other senior got 2 medals... but ar.. li hua got 3rd for her K1... upon 3 compeitors loLX! but really she deserves the medal.. she had 3 events consecutively today.. but she didn't give up.. putting in her best in all.. although she came in last for her K1 event.. it was perfect recognition for effort.. well done li huA!

tmL i got 1 day off.. to finally study for my CT.. truthfully speaking i dont know if i can absorb.. these last days have been very mentally and emotionally toiling for me.. i did try to study at macritchie.. besides the intolerable noise.. it was also the emotional setback of being back here again... thankz to all for your words of advice... quite funny.. coz i'm always the one who help my frenz up.. if not for this blog.. i would never know i need people to understand and motivate me too.. thankz alot ppl... always appreciated you all beautifying my life with your presence... ^_^

dEminG
yEah.. 33 pULl upS!! 7 moRE to taRget!


doinG mY 33th puLl uP


oNly thE touGhest fiT!

today been one of the most drastic days to myself... as a canoeist... today was our Singapore Canoe Federation Kayakking Championship held at Macritchie Reservoir it so happened that i was the first race.. at 2.00pm... not many knew of my race... unless i told them of it.. coz of the common test.. i did instruct my teammates to bring their notes to study.. but becoz my was the first race.. they were so imbeded into studying.. that when i was abt to launch.. i had to actually ask them for help before they'll bulge.. even though they did gave me some support b4 i launched.. the damage was done.. its the feeling that 'guess deming won't be able to win anything...'

my race was K2 1000M with clibby... after SDBA.. clibby and I only had 4 sea trainings to train for 1000m ... for we only trained for 250M sprints for my SDBA races... it might sound little.. but that extra distance.. meant more technique, planning, timing,endurance and a whole new balance of strength and endurance... from the start.. i have to admit i was really discouraged.. coz my Long D with clibby always lost out to my other teammates.. but i was still sent to this race... i had that mentality that coach 'sent me to this race to fill up the gap... as the rest are taken by more capable canoeists...' that really make me lossen my resolve for the race...

but today we got a diff boat from the one we drew out on wednesday.. and was much more sensitive and unstable.. as i sprinted.. many times we lost balance and i had to balance at the expense of speed.. i kept pushing myself.. pulling harder and harder.. but.. we couldn't catch up with either boats.. so we got last out of 3.. after the finishing line.. i felt very miserable and defeated i didnt even speak a single word with clibby...

when i got up.. i couldnt smile i couldnt talk... i didnt even dare to look up... i felt anger.. frustration... disappointment.. sadness... sHame... all at the same time.. i didnt say a word and just kept away from my teammates.. i held my head down in defeat... before long i just decided to go to the toilet.. coz i couldn't stand sitting ard my teammates... i can't.. i just can't

as i walked to the toilet... flashbacks went across my head.. of the mistakes.. the failure i was... i couldn't hide it anymore.. i wanted to shout.. i wanted to cry.. i wanted to throw out my heart.. but people were all around.. many times as i walked past each person.. i tried to feign normalness.. but i always broke down again after they walked past me.. its the first time in my life i felt that something i worked so hard for just left me... i was all alone in the toilet.. in a quiet corner.. i just had to let the tears flow...

i have no shame on crying.. as a sportman... an athlete... i can now sympathize why ppl cry during Olympics.. or even during the SDBA... those who dont go thru the training of the mind and the body in the pursuit of sport.. can never understand it.. to lose.. is not defeat of the physical self.. its the defeat of the WILL... the defeat of the SOUL.. the defeat of all those TOUGH TRAININGS we put ourselves thru... many thoughts went across my mind.. my meaning of existance as a CANOEIST my meaning of existance as a CAPTAIN ... sometimes i really doubt if all this is worth it... but i dont wanna give up... i can't let go again like i did today... at the same time i dont want my teammates to suffer the utter defeat i had today.. so please... god... bless my teammates... give them the strength to pull thru.. they have trained harder than me... fought harder than me.. so please... they don't deserve the punishment of defeat.. give them the victory they deserve... please...

dEMinG
thE bROken mE... somEthing i loST... that cannOT bE mEnded.. mYself.. tHe deminG oF 27 maRch 2004... hE is already dead..

wah today ar.. SUPER LONG DAY got alot of stuff to write abT.. hahAz.. but most interesting is at the end yepZ.. hEhez.. cannot skip chapters woR! basic respect for the author >.< hmmZ.. start from morning ya.. wah kAOz.. today suppose to make announcement to present the medals for zhen hao and weilun for SDBA.. must say i really envy them.. i LOVE the SDBA medal loRz it was so coOL! sometimes i think.. (coz weilun was my ex-partner) i wonder how it would haf turnt out if i was still with wL.. but i guess we wouldn't have won anything coz of me.. haiZ... but ar.. today the speech went smoothly lar.. though i abit kan jiong coz long time never face big crowds.. THEN mrs kOK had to insist on me leading a 3-cheers for the 2 menz.. HAIZ... OF COURSE I WAS UNPREPARED.. AND SCREWED UP THE WHOLE THING but i managed to continue on with my original speech.. but aiyoz.. so PAI SEY loRz.. wah kAOz.. there goes my reputation.. lOlx

but one thing i like abt this morning.. MRS kOK praised the canoeists for having heavy load of studies yet able to perform in the CCA and the A lVl's.. at last i feel recognition for the SACRIFICE we place for the team and the school... thankZ mRs koK! hEhez.. but means i gotta study harder too ya.. =P today really feel hiGh profiLe.. firsT maKe thE whOLe SCh knoW thE sTUpiD mE.. thEn aftER mathS lEct mRs liM alsO calL mE uP.. diAoz.. SUDDENLY famE huh? sCary STuff.. =}

today also abit HaiR-pEe hahaz.. goT back my chem pract test.. everyonE ard me was gettinG As and Bs.. then i still havent got mine.. i knew i got my cation and anion wrong... so probably prepared to fail.. then i got my paper i was like "WHOA!" 81% loLX! think its my best grade ever in JC manz.. hahaz.. come to think of it.. i always managed to do my Chem pRacts quick and well.. so at least my results SHOW at last.. hahAz.. but onE thing thouGh.. on my papEr.. misS chEng wRote 'v goo' then.. CANCELLED it.. TMD!! then write GOOD niA.. waH kAOz.. i want my V!!! dont takE mY V awaY~~ =~~~


onE thinG i fEel recently.. with the new J1s changing slowly into SRJC uniform.. i kinda feel wEird coZ to mE thE J2s are onE WARM and WELCOMING FAMILY to mE.. evERyonE i knoW or knoW me iS my fRenz.. buT then comEs thesE sEemingly aRroganT J1s who don thE same uniFoRm as uS.. makEs mE miss the times when only my batch was ard.. surE makes me loVe thE coLLegE foR iTs CARE... buT ar.. goT some cUTE J1 gErs lEiz.. =D

oh yAH.. in case you guys dont know.. i LOVE BREAKDANCING! .. hAhaz.. i learnt the basics from my seniors in ST gabS then bEgun danCing foR campfiRes in fronT of hundREds oF scouTS and guides many timEs.. untIL i realLy fEel thE floW in my boD.. oF coZ when i comE JC my pAssion foR Dance was stILL on.. buT i diDn't join thE dance team on fear of being too aesthetic.. anD that i hateD auDitionS.. buT canoeING was sTiLL no.1 anD danCe no.2.. hEhez.. but last year duRing NDP i gathered some guyS in my claSs and chEreograpH a makEshiFt dance and thouGht them baSic breakDance.. hAhaz.. was DAMN FUN!! today after PE.. i was with that same grp of close frenz.. fabby, kiat loong, alvin so we got the flooR moving.. hahaz.. all losT touCh of coZ lar.. buT after my nationaLs iTs fuLL timE breAking! inStead of daiLy puLL upS.. iTs daiLy breAKing foR mE.. hEhez

amAzingly.. toDay'S hiGhlighT was HUA XIANG! hAhaz.. somE hiStory:i waS thE fiRst guy to GreET him eXactly 1 yEar anD 4 dayS ago.. =] anD he tolD me he was in a bad mood and abt to punch the first guy to talk to him =pp when it started off he was one super EGOISTIC and PROUD fella with mooD swinGs.. buT after a year of influencing him.. hAhaz.. i pullEd him to thE goOD siDe.. =} my sIDe anD now i gotta say hE is onE gooD man.. hahAz.. alThough i likE to clAim somE cRediT.. hE really responded well to uS.. and really changed for the better.. noW he'S a mentally determined fella.. (liKe mE)... gEtting fittEr ( lIKE mE) anD a wiSer pERson (nEed i say anyThing moRE? =]) buT hE's stilL faR from reAchinG mE.. hEhez.. (15 pulL upS vS 30 pULL upS) =D

today i went HP study with kL, jK,eviL lYn, huA xiAng.. anD we met up with huA xianG'S Ex.. weLl.. later we conTInuEd on to stuDy anD aloNG came a gEr hE likEs.. becoz oF mixed feelings of seeing his ex again.. he does some silly stuff and was pretty upset.. after that ger left.. we begun a SERIOUS talK abT hiM.. after he highlighted his beliefs and the others views.. along came me.. THE EMOTIONAL ANALYST hahAz.. sounds weird rite? but i really pridemyself as a person who really thinks for the heart and the emotions.. many times i have helped my frenz and motivate them when they're down.. some remain in shambles.. most of them are able to pick up again... to see them smile again.. to know that they will one day remember that i had played a part in their lives.. makes me want to share this power i have.. to beautify the lives of my frenz..

thinGs i holD on to anE bElieve: Love is a 2-way thing.. NO ONE CAN SAY THEY LOVE A PERSON WHEN IT BEGINS but no one can love someone without liking him at first.. at our age.. Love is no longer infatuation or for the sake of a partner as an accessory.. youth of today all share a common problem: THEY LOVE FROM THEIR MINDS.. NOT FROM THEIR HEARTS.. THATS WHY THEY ARE SO FAKE.. YES love stories romance novels are all fiction.. but all of the most loving couples in the world.. DO NOT HAVE PERFECTLY IDENTICAL THINKING.. but it is LOVE that they find a common thing.. a bond between the two of their hearts.. TO LOVE THE OTHER ENTIRELY.. THE BAD AND GOOD SIDES of the person anD for the partner to LOVE them back thE samE... thE moST enDuring RomanCE is aFter thE mosT challEnginG timEs they spEnd togEther... thE wiLlinGnesS to compromise.. to trust.. to believe... to accept... FOR THE RELATIONSHIP is what i really think makes LOVE ticks.. TO HUA XIANG: DO YOUR BEST MAN OF INTEGRITY.. SYMBOL OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND EPITOMY OF MANHOOD!! jiA you and i'll always bE there foR you!

this may sound stupid.. might sound meaningful.. but please.. keep these things i say here to yourself.. i dont want to see the day my words become EMAIL CHAIN LETTERS or become a school of study (DEMINGISM) becoz i do this.. FOR YOU.. for my frenz.. for the people who know me.. bEcoz i want to beautify youR liVEs wiTh minE.. bEcoz the greatest happiness to me.. is happiness of everyone in the world.. what many who dont know me well is everyday.. i say a silent prayer that my frenz be happy.. to find meaning and happiness for that day...i may bE stupiD and crappY in schOOl buT i alWays haF a SiDe oF mE i kEep to mySElf and my closest fRenz.. thaT is what i hopE you reGard hiGhly foR my sakE.. thankZ yEpz =]

hAhaz.. conGrats ppl you SurvivEd thaT hEllLA lonG blog.. even my fingers are tired.. hahAz.. thinkinG so much of my meaning of existance i kinda misplaced my thoughts for tml's MACrithchie races.. i know its hard to win.. but I WIN PUT IN MY BEST WITHOUT REGRETS! pls pray for me.. as i pray for aLl my frenz everyday.. hEhez.. okIez.. thaTs abT iT... mayBE i shouLD award you a mEdaL.. hEhez.. my TradEmaRk drakE auTograpH.. hAhaz..

dEminG
anoTher reVealmEnt of whaT i hiDe in mySElf...

hEYz hEyz.. this sat my Singapore Canoe Federation Junior Kayakking Championships at Macritchie reservoiR yepZ.. first time we get to actually go down to try out the freshwater canoeing.. Coach keep talking abt it being 'HARD' water coz got no strong tidal currents... but it turnt out that there was a gentle current from the dams.. hEhez..

when we got there we saw this TURTLE drifting in the water.. we thought it was looking for food but then i tripped over a fishing line yepz.. then i was shocked to see the turtle shake too.. we pulled the string and true to our belief the turtle was hookED! straightaway our dear PTI loLx.. pulled it ashore and cut out the strings.. thankfully there was no big hook so we put it back into the water and it swam away happily.. hahaz.. then after a while it came back leiz.. and stick its head outta the water looking at me who was looking into the horizon.. ^_^ with that 'thank you!' look =)

yeah today was cool coz we tried a K4 for the first time.. it costs about $5000-6000.. thats why only the national team has it.. hahaz.. but we loaned it and they managed to paddle around without even sweating at all! hahaz.. poor me had to stick to my race.. K2 1000m.. phew.. though the water wasnt as hard as we thought it did took more strength to pull.. but that was good too.. coZ ar.. freshwater is less dense than seawater.. so our boat is more submerged into the water.. and that means.. MORE STABLE!! wooHoO~! while others did like 2 500m laps.. i and clibby did 2 1000m lAps.. damnit.. i LOVE MacrithChie.. the K2 wenT reaL smoothly and i could use my power.. just the way i like it! hEhez

after training we went back to sch to keep our paddles and the usual debrief from coach.. DAMN i lost to kian zi again.. >.< coach took 6.21 min for 1/4 of his speeCh.. bLEahz.. =P HOPE KIAN ZI FORGETS THE BET ^_^ later they had the J1s orientation fiesta.. the J1s were really happening yepZ.. then Li hua had to upset me saying:"see they so enthu! wah lao you OGL rite? why last year so lousy??? regret being boRn in 1986" if my fellow J2s can remember.. last years feista was cancelled coz of what? SARS! .. we didnt even get to see the performances.. it brought back to sad and tearful memories many of my fellow OGLs had this very night 1 year ago... seeing my team having so much fun was too much for me.. so i just quietly went to pull up bar.. do some pull ups and just enjoy the silence of the night... in my mind was like "WAS I A FAILURE AS AN OFL LAST YEAR?" i remembered my first orientation was not really memorable.. i was not as socialising as other guys.. and couldnt really join the 'clicks'... maybe thats why i chose to be an OGL last year.. maybe i wanted to escape the loneliness.. maybe i'm just born to lead.. not to be part of the fun... even till today.. sometimes i feel separated from all the fun others are enjoying... why? i wish i knew...

dEminG
wHen i was a sCOut i always let my hair down to haf fun... why can'T i anymore? *hopE its not coz oF lack of haiR..*


coOL boaT


ouR new baTtlefiEld


aRigatoU! thE turtLe wE fReEd from cErtain deaTh

yet another early day today.. went to sch at 6.30 to do gym with weilun... hahaZ.. think i too long never do heavy power training le.. do 25kg biceps curl wanna diE.. loLx.. of coz theres military pReSs.. thE 30 kG onE aRm puLL anD my faV bEnch pReSs hahAz.. noW stilL aT 35kg (17.5kg per sIDe).. hopinG to puSh 40kG sooN.. hMMz.. grOw dEMinG groW! foR thoSE bed buGs at homE.. iF you try cominG sch eaRly lEts saY aRd 6.30 to scHooL.. you'Ll sEe losta reSidEnts.. WEIRD reSidents doinG WEIRD eXerciSEs... anD they are ALL over the tracK thE fiTnesS coRner.. SCary stuFf.. oH yah.. evEr fElt stRessFuL? join thE laUghtER cluB evERy saT moRNing.. criteria: you must be DARN siLly/haVe no sEnse of sElf-sTUpidiTy/anD loVe luFfing aT youRself... e.G thEy go "HO! HO! HAHAHA! X5" then start running to each other in jubliant laughter.. god blEss those soUls.. hopE the goV wilL give thEm thEir pENsion sooN.. totaLLy..

amAzing today i didnt sleep as much as my usual lectures (lecture 1 hour.. taking notes NICELY:10 mins... SCRIBBLY HANDWRITING:20min..... INRECOGNISABLE HANDWRITING:10min... for everything else: Cloud 9 ZzzZzzzzZ) hahAz.. i seemed to be a LITTLE interested in the electrochem 2 lect so i took down argubly my most filled up lecture notes of the year *applauSe*.. mayBe iTs the a Lvl's? mayBe iTs thE pRep talkS i nEver staY aWoke foR? mayBe iTs foR my lao pO.. hahaz.. *shuRgs* who cares? ^_^

today PE abit fun.. hahaz.. b4 we even started.. MR tan pump me 50 push-ups for not coming on friday (which mind you i was at kallang and he was laying back on a hammock.. --__--") think he got something agaINst scOuts.. lOlx.. then later he say we during holidays do naughty stuff... then must clear poison.. so he graciously gave us 12 rounds to clear the 'poison.. being the ever 'thankful' lot.. we 'cheered' and went abt... in front of got haoyi weilun alex and some S1 fella.. the entire PE grp all behind me.. loLx.. damn slack.. slowly run until 7 rounds then he stop us to do more nice things to our abs.. (bye bye stomach!) makes me realise that PE nowadays no kick ar.. hahAz.. coz body too used to hard training.. that this kinda slack really no kick.. so i was really surprised when my teammates say yesterday trg their body aching... =P

dEMinG
"you knoW duRing maNchu pEriod.. onE of itS puniSHment waS to haVe enunuCHs to slAp the criminAl.. Hao yi! Slap huA xianG!" Mr. Tan ^_^

today coz got seat and life jack to bring to school.. my bus ride was SUPER uncomfortable lorz.. tmD.. soME J1 guY kEep lookinG aT mE.. thEn i likE *taK lou* anD cauSE smALL jAm in thE buS.. loLx.. but i dont care! >.< assembly sian as usual.. not too happy to see my class again as compared to last year.. don'T haF thE uSuaL enThusiAsm anYmore le.. thE J1s thiS timE erh.. dunnOE my praYers goT go thRU noTz.. haVen'T chEck thEm ouT yet.. hAHaz.. God plEaSe blEss me with pretty J1s can? thats me only wish this week... =p *i'Ll be a gooD boy ya?*

lessons today abit F*** up lar.. maths abit sian.. chem was super f*** up... miss cheng starting to get on my nerves.. wTf maNz.. treat us liKE farK then kpkb somemore.. eat into my lunch time again.. Mr onG aR? aiya.. nothing new.. as uneventful as ever.. then the only lesson i looking fowrard to kana cancelled.. (i want homeostasiS!) today pull up abit slack.. hahaz.. just accumulated abt 90 pulL ups.. maybe later do one more set.. make it 120

today finally can see feedback on our wall.. some people give curious looks and were like murmuring '2s4 and 5?' hahaz.. fabby ar fabby.. told you paint out the word "POINT" more sukky ya? =D but also got f*** up comments lar.. jia jun ar.. tmD.. barely helped do the wall at ALL and saw the wall and said "haR? lidat only ar?" Chao chee bye.. fabby was most affected.. can see he SUPER pissed off

hahaz.. haf you ever helped your fren pick up her hp that she left somewhere? what would you normally do huh? check this out: liang kiat actually used amanda's hp to message HER HP saying "eh you forgot your hp" --__--" and he like only realised it when the HP he held actually rang... DOH! loLx.. training was alittle fun.. doing the J1 circuit coz gotta be less strenous in prep of sat's compeition.. was doing those dips on the parallel bar.. hahAz.. do until come down my *ahEm* maCHIam Bulging.. loLx.. if it gets any bigger i think i really need a B cup.. (currently at A cup) Xp

dEminG
hmpH if mIss chenG triEs to F*** me up again.. shE's gonNA get an ALPHA-MUSHROOM CLOUD in her staff room!


the near completion wall.. RIbiT..


aFter traininG.. thinkinG oF whaT? ^_^

wah today was a LONG day manz... hauled my lazy butt off my bed to go sch to start painting at 8am... as usual no one at first lar... but i already no need to start scolding ppl le.. so i started off and soon fabby,yvonne,weiling and hua xiang came along to help.. i left early yepz to go makan prior to my training.. lest i capsize then no energy to swim... (become POK=Property of Kallang)

well true to my predictions today i made my record capping of the month.. 3 capsizes.. hahaz.. coz was doing K2 black with clibby... more unstable than the usual K2 white we always used... then sometimes he start playing with water between our lapz we capsized lorz.. hahaz... got one time we capsized the swimming back then a HCJC boat ran over our boat then the water start flowing in ar.. loLx.. really TITANIC leiz.. *kallang version* hahaz.. we started sinking so we ejected *piShHh*

after training i went back to sr to check out the wall.. phEW finally the background is done along with the words.. so all thats left is the individual tiles.. hahaz then came the prob of ppl who didnt wanna do anything.. so came up with an idea.. we just take a pic of the person put up there then write "In Loving memory of **** (1986-2004)" loLx.. damn i'M bad.. BUT I LIKE.. >.<

later i joined kiat loong for dinner at HP then coz i finished my dinner earlier than him i just kill time by convincing him the meal he bought was a chop off his wallet loLx.. untIL he BTH ask me go buy drinks.. hahaZ.. abt to go homE and slEep then dad ask me go buy oranges.. then went to mac to talk cock with KL and evelyn.. then may called me.. and asked me "Eh you not coming my campfire ar?"

i was like.. OH SHIT!! completely forgotten abt the CF.. hahaz so i passed me bag to kl and evelyn for safekeeping and rushed over to mayflower to meet them... by the time i arrived they were giving away awards.. so i just went to talk crap with amos and beng... met up with may wendy and xue ying.. hahaz.. all now so pretty and going tertiary education also.. make me feel so old and ugly.. hAhaz.. if only we had more energetic gers like them in SRJC.. *sobZ* alL goinG either NYJC oR pOLY.. (thE woRld is sO unfaiR.. soBz)

dEMinG
phew.. its sunday already.. last day of sch holidays................................ OH SHIT LAST DAY?~!?~!? --__--" *loOKs aT hW*

wah siAnz tml woke up late.. pia to sch then find myself still early.. so went to the shop buy pringles for the class... and well.. no one turned up until like 8.20am when EVELYN & SHUHUI came.. they had choir and guitar respectively so left later.. well DONGHAI came abit then went ard doing rugby stuff... so i did the patty finish up and was abt to start with the squares when i realise i didn't bring a ruler.. and still no one else was coming... i also cant do the squares myself.. so i called fabby and found out the odacians and hw ppl coming in the afternoon..

well i felt very f***ed up and cheated... i dont mind those with other committments and couldnt make it.. but what really dissed me off was those that didnt even bother to REPLY my messages asking them if they could make it... i was starting to feel very f*** up to the verge of breaking that wall down then JIANMING came along and helped out alittle.. but he had taekwondo training straightafter... i already told myself no more MR. NICE GUY so i wrote out a piece of my mind on sms and sent the few guys in class who completely IGNORED mine and fabby's messages...

i left the sch with temper aflare and was prepared to scrap the whole damn thing... then fabby called and told me the odacians were still keen on doing the wall.. after lunch i back to the sch gate.. my mind was telling me "just go home.. stop wasting time on this selfish class..." but my heart urged me to see this thru... unknowingly i didnt wanna go in.. i just laid at the bench of the block facing the sch and slept my time away.. alvin,ruishan,weixiong called me.. but i didnt wanna pick up coz i was afriad of what i might say or i might BLOW UP so i just fell into a slumber with SRJCians walking out with curious glances at why am i sleeping there...

as i tot.. my temper cooled then it happened to be like 12 le.. so i walked into sch and started to do the wall again... then along came ruishan,donghai,evelyn,shuhui,jianming,fabby so the 7 of us really got into it and managed to do more... it was a far cry from this morning when i was alone painting.. it was so much fun painting as a group and that was the kind of feeling i wanted to extend to my classmates thru buying this wall... we progressed till we ran out of paint and everyone left except for me and fabby.. we packed up and discovered a RUN-AWAY TURTLE lOLx.. maybe it was looking for the frog statue i took.. hEhez..

later i went for dinner with fabby and went looking for paint.. after walking from kovan to upper serangoon with no avail i went back to sengkang to buy the paint... then i thought came across my mind... WHO IS MY BEST FREN? back in primary sch i did had a best fren... but in primary 6 something dreadful happened and we kinda begun hating each other.. maybe its coz of the past.. or maybe coz of the imperfection of my personality.. i dont haf anyone to call my best fren and he/her to call me his/her best fren... sounds childish eh? but maybe that is the kind of companionship i seek... (alternative = gf *but no one in my mind leiz >.<)

dEminG
thE paInter


runaWay tuRtlE! lookinG foR rS? >.<


early phases


enD of D-2 *RIbbiT*

yEpz.. after pouring all my heart out from yesterday's blog i definitely feel better.. no sympathies no feedback.. exactly what i wanted.. today im back on my feet again.. i hate the ME yesterday.. but today i'm different again.. today's training was kinda xiong... we had interval training (omG..) gYm trainininG (nooOOO) then stick rowIng (*diGs gRave*) but all in all my performance is back up.. but still not the standard yet... as mr tan told me yesterday.. its true.. i haf to cut SomE slack.. that has already passed.. all thats left is up!

hAhaz.. today abit corny lar.. after me training go start our combined wall with the 2s05 class... today only wx,alvin,fabby,ys,law,donghai, ********SHUHUI*********, me, laysee, terenze and vinay.. but after lunch only left me and fabby.. (liang ren bian Yan) two man show.. lucky alvin came later along.. so we kept ourselves entertained with each others love life, hairy ar*es and talking cock with mr ou.. YEAH MY PROPOSAL IS APPROVED.. BUT IT WON'T BE ANNOUNCED... ONLY THOSE PRIVILEGED TO KNOW ME WILL GET TO ENJOY IT YA? =D if you dont know what i talking abt... then.. try asking me lar ;)

all in all we managed to finish the patty and wordings and all.. all thats left is the painting le.. GOD'S WILLING tml with more ppl we can haf a mini picnic and painting to bond closer our class.. of coz ppl wont come... and i will put into action what i learnt... (good leaders cultivate f*** up followers esp in singapore.. so i haf to be B*STARD that shows no mercy.. try f***ing me and i gurantee i wont say "it's ok" anymore.. i'Ll juST retuRn thE favouR.. ^_^) regardless of sex race or religion.. try climbing on my head to piss again.. you wont be able to piss for the rest of your life!

dEminG
iS thERe haiR on youR buTtockS? ^_^ don'T knoW? chEck iT ouT haiRy a**!

today has been one hella of a day for me... maths test was ok... should be able to pass... but on second thoughts maybe not... as i struggle to type this blog... my mind is like giving up on me... why am i here?

captains are the forefront of any team... a role model... but i dont deserve to be called one... i was selfish taking a boat that i wasn't racing on... depriving others of a chance to paddle... worst of all my mind is WEAK i couldn't push myself hard enough to go fast.. today has been one of my worst in my canoeing days... teammates i always thought i could go faster than were so much in front of me.... I'm COMPLACENT so what if i got 3rd... i'm still out of the races.. and medaless!

i tell my men not to show emotions... but why am i so weak willed??? i always motivate ppl.. push ppl to work hard... but WHY CAN'T I JUST PUSH MYSELF HARDER???? WHY?!~?@~?! my mind is pathetic my drive is empty what cheek do i then haf to lead a team of men and women who push themselves harder and harder every training?

SOMEONE pls... stop being so nice to me... i thank all my frenz for being encouraging and all... for the seniors who spoke to me today... but PLEASE someone SCOLD me... INSULT me... TELL ME IN THE FACE I'M WEAK! i can't believe how much a failure i am.. always claiming to be "carefree", "stressless" when i always think i lead well... but i always end up the weakest one.. be it in my class or my team...encouraging ppl who just treat me like another nosy leader... yet not being able to accomplish tasks on my own either...

i want be my best.. i dont wanna lose again... never again... i dont wanna tell myself its OK... i wanna tell myself i still can't meet the mark...i am such a failure in life... don't think i'm pushing all the blame on myself... becoz it really is ALL MY FAULT!! wake up deming... put value in your words.. put effort in your actions... i won't kill myself.. i won't hurt myself.. i just want to change... BUT HOW?? will i lapse back to the slacking mood? the A levels are coming too... WHEN WILL I CHANGE??? i can promise myself again to change... but tml... it can be empty promise... that is why... Tommorow....... should i look forward to it? or dread it? i don't know.. i really don't know...

dEminG
where'S my spiRit? whERe'S my innER StrenGth??? DO I EVEN HAVE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE???

haiz.. today got to go to sch.. so sian... i walked into the LT with jun kok then he influenced me to join the dark side bEyond the LT... thE force was weak so i came under his poWEr... omG... ended up at the library reading nuclear weapons and conflicts after WW2... interesting stuff i must say.. really shows how dumb humans are... fighting over the stupidiest things on earth... after that went to take the chem pract ar.. tmD... SUckz.. do until very fast.. so i slack and wash test tube... then miss cheng say TIME'S UP wah chEesebun.. i havent write my answer she take it away le.. tmD.. somemore all my cations are wrong... wAh kAoz...

after that crappy paper i went to enact my revenge.. flower lorz! during my pract my pocket keep vibrating with fabian and kiat loong keep calling me... enough to send my *ahEm* into oscillation le... --__--|| then was talking to fabby abt the wall thingy then realise how happy he is nowadays STUDYING god bless him manz... he finally found a good bunch of ppl to study with... loLx... if only i had gers to study with me too >.<

after that went KL's house to do some noticeboard stuff... then his little sister came along and kept disturbing him... hahaz... thank god i only got a bumming big bro... speaking of which we just went to haf dinner b4 he goes to taiwan tonight for training (muhHAahAz.. thE PS2 iS ALL MINE!!!) ever heard of dodgeball? well my parents were like playing dodge oil just now.. loLx.. bunch of mountain turtles to survival in SEOUL GARDEN... we clogged a time of 1.35hrs... a far cry from my record of 4.5hrs... (don'T ask me hoW i do iT.. trY iT youRselF ^_^) got quite a tummy now.. loLx.. hope i dont make clibby sink for tml's sea training... chiLL~!

dEminG
wE are alL unDergoinG chAnge.. whERe are thE yElloW oRange buS sTops wiTh no ADs.. wHere are the 2 DOllaR chiCken riCe... whERe are the kids who uSEd to play hop SCotch? liTtle thinGs liKE thEse are diSappeaRIng.. yet no onE noTices.. wat nExt you sAY? ThaTs lEft to timE... =]

oMG i dunnoe what happen to me.. wake up this morning feeling so lethargic... hmmz.. all the tension for SDBA all lost le.. feel abit lost.. esp since its the holidays already.. i didnt had plans for this week coz i was too obsessed with SDBA... so i'm really caught offguard... haiz.. think i'm gonna undergo "deintelligence" and "retardation" again... GOD SAVE ME!!

my mom lorz.. wake me up at 6am... thinking i still got sch... damnz... i kept telling her i was on holidays.. but coz of my bed's magnetic pull my voice was too low.. so she kept going "huh? huh? huh?" until i bTh stand up and told her let me sleep.. blEahz... after that couldn't sleep properly le.. rolling here and there... ohhh my beauty sleep... nooooo

after i finally hauled my lazy arse off the bed i went to kovan to buy some stuff.. saw plenty of SRJCians ard... met up with KLfor lunch there yepz.. then it had to rain when i was going back.. so continued shopping and went to rent some VCDs home to kill time... K-19 was damn boring lorz.. watch until sleep.. wake up still boring conversations.. i really love war movies.. then i heard they banned saving private ryan omG.. I HATE SINGAPORE CENSORSHIP!!! its depriving me the chance to learn beyond singapore.. hAIz.. guess i just haf to resort to the internet... (hEhez) somebody SAVE RYAN'S PRIVATE!!

wah by nightfall i realised how much time i wasted.. so i set my resolve... I shall waste time for the rest to today as well then! so off i went to my long lost fren... PS2 and tried out CASTLEVANIA that flower elephant had so much fun whipping ard with... now chatting with angela and laysee to kill time... hahaz.. maybe i should do my P&C tutorial for tml lar... maybe i should.... maybe i should.... ...... ZzzZzZz

dEminG
aLL syStems clEar... opEration: dEinTelliGento.... coDenamE: slaCk... i repEat.. SLaCk iS thE woRd...

yes... after 3 days of ardous non-stop racing events.. SDBA is finally over... the races themselves are tough... so are the WAITING TIME we spent between our events.. today was especially emotional.. everywhere i went after the finals of the event... i could see canoeists hugging each other in tears.. some in utter disappointment.. some frustrated with their results... some jumping with joy... some just left the racing grounds in bitter silence...

it was no different for our team.. a total of 7 canoeists in our team 50% of our strength made it to the finals today.. an impressive ratio for SDBA over the years.. seniors always say they dont win a single medal at SDBA.. even our coach told us it was IMPOSSIBLE to win in SDBA.... manz will he be shocked...

K2 Liang Kiat + Wei Liang 250m 6th
K2 Amanda + Li Hua 250m 5th
K2 Wei Lun + Zhen Hao 500m 2nd
T1 Zhen Hao 500m 4th

yepz.. we won a SILVER medal home this year... you might think its little compared to the power JCs like NJC.. but they haf over 50 canoeists.. we have but 15... their canoeists were canoeists in sec sch.. none of us had prior experience in sec sch... they might even take proteins.. we only take push ups from me... =p moreover... BROKE THE NOTION THAT SRJC NEVER WINS ANYTHING FOR SDBA

for me.. (one who nv took part in a compeitive sports ever..) one thing i really wished.. is that every canoeists who made it to finals should be given a medal.. it is tough just to qualify for the semi finals or even the finals... there are like 20-30 over compeitiors but 3 medals.. for all that hard training canoeists in all schools put in.. the least they could get is recognition from they effort... to all sportsmen out there.. esp canoeists! i salute you! for the fine men and women you are who train hard day and night in the pursuit of perfection... May the best men win!

truly canoeing is a very passionate sport... my teammates also couldnt hold back their tears and frustration when they came so far into the finals to lose... but to me.. SRJC has WON... we surpassed all our seniors expectations and even our coach... the future is bright from where i see... and its what we do now that will make the diff... this year we haf the privilege in participating the 1st Macritchie Canoeing Championships coming up at the end of March.. i Look forward to more Medals and more glory that our team shall bring to SRJC!

deMing
SCF K2 1000m at maCrithChiE rEservOir... (haRd waTer) you shALl sEe a diFf mE by thEN!


how we'Ll look liKE on a K10 (iF therEs suCh a boaT lar =D)

mY raCe yESterdaY.. ^_^

today.. after waking and sleeping waking and sleeping.. i finally got to kallang at 7.45am.. to my horror... the tide was VERY low... and WORST OF ALL... ACJC tOOk ouR spoT! thoSE b**t**ds!!!! wTh.. somEmore was rainiNG so i waS fReezinG my aSs oF in thE opEN.. tmD..

but things went on as usual... for SRJC team.. our first and second race were K2 250m... lk and wl + clibby and me were up... at first frankly speaking i was real tense... considering i keep encouraging my teammates with uplifting prep talks.. i was at the receiving end of none... we got to the 500m.. took a short sprint to 250m.. and we waited.. i begun to haf my heart beating.. i told myself and clibby "THIS IS IT.. THERES NO TURNING BACK... LETS GO CLIBURN!" while we waited i chatted with LK and wL to cool them down.. i even made a CJC fren today.. =D soon after.. lk and wl left.... then... we were summoned to the starting line

as i got ready... i started breathing hard... memorising all i've learnt for 1 year in 10 seconds... remember the ppl who gave me the encouragement.. their very words ... that really gave me courage and strength.. thankz to all who wished me luck then i look up.. the wind blew... and the horn blew....

the first strokes were most tense... my power strokes werent my usual.. but i feel power.. and i didnt want to let it go... i pushed hard and gained the advantage... my eye glanced to see the boats catching up.. i wouldnt allow that... i pulled harder.. and harder... HCJC and NJC were catching up fast and eventually they did... normal men would haf given up.. cliburn and i aren't normal men.. WE'RE SR CANOEIST!.. breathing hard.. with all the energy i could give i pulled every stroke and i shouted as i begun my last burst... and it was over... in a minute... 3RD position...

YES! i did it.. my timing improved by 7 whole seconds from my personal best... although we lost to HCJC and NJC i must admit they were formidable foes and they deserved to win... i'm not ready to take them on YET... but not for the next race.. i hear cheers for my name on the plautoon and saw my teammates cheering for us.. its truly an unforgettable feeling.. a feeling only canoeists can understand and grow to love...

CJC came behind us... and they were sporty enough to chat with us on our paddle back... thats the sense of comradiership we canoeists haf with each other.. for we know the men beside me goes thru thick and thin alike.. and we are MEN... CANOEIST MEN.. today was tense and all... and the results were as follows:

K2 Liang Kiat + Weiliang 2nd
K2 Deming + Cliburn 3rd
T2 Jonathan + Kian Zi 4th (to be confirmed)
K2 Amanda + Li Hua 2nd
K2 Monica + Dawn 4th
K2 Wei Lun + Zhen Hao 3rd
T1 Zhen Hao 2nd
K2 Hao Yi + Marcus 4th
K1 Marcus 4th

although i personally didnt make it into the finals on sunday.. SRJC was done well this day.. for that i must thank god for the blessings.. tml will be another racing day for my teammates.. but for me.. tml is the day i'm reborn again... for my eyes are set for SCF and Nationals.. today has opened my eyes and proven to me that nothing is impossible.. i tot i couldn't even get into top 3.. but i did... i swear here and henceforth i shall train hard from this day forth... and make sure all canoeists will see and recognise me... a SRJCian Canoeist!

dEminG
iT haS begUn... no RegRets foR todaY.. thEres onLy tommoRow



hMmz.. i look bettER whEn i'm spRinTing.. uplOAd mE spRinTing nExt timE yepZ.. (oR my clAss e gRps..)

My mind's unweaving/ 7:19 PM

Friday, March 12, 2004

today sch was not SCHOOL today for me.. hahaz.. coz its up to 11.15am till i left to get ready to go down to kallang for the SHOWDOWN! yEpz SDBA (Singapore Dragon Boat Association) Canoeing Invititationals 2004 is 1 of the 3 compeitions that canoeist that to take part in.. so we hafta do our best! show the other JCs what we are made of!!

today was mixed with losta mixed feelings.. for those who know the team well.. heres the results of today's heats...

T2 - Cliburn + Weiliang 5th
T2 - Kian Zi + Jon 2nd
K2 - Hao Yi + Marcus 3rd
K2 - Zhen Hao + Wei Lun 1st
T1 - Darren 4th
T1 - Zhen Hao 3rd
K1 - Liang Kiat 5th
K2 - Amanda + Li Hua 5th
K2 - Dawn + Monica cap

well we lose and won today... but i gotta say the team did farely well for the heats.. today's weather was great too.. no rain at all... we had supporters from our year 1s and some old canoeists (ex-batch, 86 batch who went to other JCs)... aS usual the protein eating powerhouses HCJC/NJC/CHS took alot of positions.. but we prove they arent invincible either! there were more JCs participating this year... VJC and MJC.. although their results werent too splendid the years to come will prove even more ardous for us...

tml is finally my long awaited race... im not scared nor anxious abt it... i just fear the outcome.... coz its hard to say but i dont think my partner and i can pull thru... but nevertheless i'll put in my best.. if you see me back here tml... then you'll know the outcome.. if not... but i want to end tml like today... see the beautiful sunset at kallang basin.. no sound.. no disturbance.. just the tranquil plattering of the waves... there was even a rainbow to greet me as i walked out of the racing grounds... and i want to be as proud as i am of my team today... HAVE FAITH SR CANOEISTS!!! WE WONT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT.. AND AS KZ SAYS.. WE DONT WIN... WE THRASH!!

dEMinG
evEr wonDered hoW WL's saggY br***t caN bE uSEd in diFf traininGs? (R.T/ropE skippinG/biCeps curL.. Lolx!)


onLY thE touGhest fiTs.. anD thaTs uS!

My mind's unweaving/ 10:52 PM

Thursday, March 11, 2004

wah early in the morning outside SR saw ambulance and some old guy pushed into it.. reminded me of the first time i was on an ambulance.. was almost a year ago... my 1st 3 months fren cum canoeist cheng ming was knocked down at the bend outside the sea sports centre.. was my fault coz i asked him to run with me to the stadium to secure a bath.. but then he bumped into the side of a turning car and we called an ambulance.. was really scary.. for a moment i tot i lost a good fren... well i followed him the hospital and stayed till his parents asked me to go home.. well now he's fine and all but ever since that accident we barely met and he left SRJC le.. no contact ever since.. haiz..

well one thing i like to tell me frenz out there.. esp FEMALE frenz.. its almost like my name is un-userfriendly.. ppl like preeti ar.. make my name like de (4) ming (3)... JUST CANT GET THE RIGHT NOTE!! oK.. so here is my fool proof dummy guide to pronouncing DEMING first... you think of the most boring things in your life... (BORE YOURSELF!) then.. recite... de (1) ming (1) YES!! i can feel the boredom coming out from your mouth... now thats you call my name :)

foR god's sake.. will you guys quit fooling around my hair like im some f*rking kiD? you wanna touch it go touch your blardie dog's balls lar.. tmD... calLing mE niCKnamEs and all.. yepZ its farnie once or twice.. but noT evERytimE kZ? nv sEe me piSsed b4 rite... gooD foR those b*stards... they'Ll sEe iT eVentually... wheN i reaLLy bloW... theN thEY'Ll juSt hafta finD themselves a puddle oF waTer anD droWn in iT!! *&@*%&)%*@&*$

hahaz.. fabby was quite a d*ck today lar.. when we were going for toilet break he just looked at the female toilet and said "why do they build FEMALE toilets in SRJC?" loLX!!! he said it so plainly like he was really that NAIVE.. hahaz.. guo ran si wo de tu di... im impressed manz fabby.. so fabby isn't as GUAI as he looks wor.. =D hahaz.. but gals do like naughty guys yEPz? >.<

well tml is the first day of our races.. its kinding exciting for me.. coz im the CAPTAIN of the canoeing team yepz.. one way or another.. how we will fare will cause me to come under scrutiny.. sometimes i fear that we might not win thru.. canoeing in s'pore is a really biased sport.. HCJC and NJC, the powerhouses of canoeing, basically haf CHS and other ex canoeist in sec sch who join them.. by sports affiliation.. so they haf like 4 years more canoeing exp than us.. but it has been proven that SRJCians CANOEISTS can win! coZ we are one of the best CCAs in SRJC that brings glory to SRJC the going has been tough and will be tougher.. but we shall pull thru! Let the races begin!

dEMing
enD youR eDucation eaRly.. join SRJC!

My mind's unweaving/ 8:27 PM

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

today ar.. even though i went to sch my spirit not there ar.. loLx.. after yesterday's hangover (yeS! biO EssAYs can inDuce hanGoveRs!) i today machiam listless... could feel my spirit drifting away from my body.. virtually slept thru ALL the lessonS today... wonder if any tutors noticed.. =p

today's highlight ar.. Kallang lorz.. set up boats sui sui gonna launch then start to rain... but of coz we went on canoeing lar.. when it started to get heavy.. it was really beautiful.. the water was blue green.. with the rainfall bluring the view.. it was quite a breathtaking sight in s'pore.. but well i dont haf a waterproof digicam to show you guys.. you guys miss alot if you dont do sea sports yepz? =D you'LL be SurpRisEd what things you can see ard.. ESP aftER the rain has stopped... =}

with like 2 days to SDBA.. its farnie i suddenly realise my ex and current partner are both attached.. IT it just struck me on my way home.. how would it be? to haf someone thinking of you.. as you paddle.. as you push yourself.. a loved one to cheer you on your races... to be the FIRST to congratulate you on winnning.. or the FIRST to lend a shoulder to cry on if it turns out awry... while OTHERS see the ugly blisters in my hand.. she could see the passion and mental strength in me... Would i then be a better canoeist? can i do better with her in my mind always? i wonder...

dEminG
iF onlY shE waS thEre foR mE... hoW difF hoW it haF bEen?


hAPpy bdAE pReeTI!

My mind's unweaving/ 9:20 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

onE thing i learnt today.. lakerol is a powerful drug... it claims that it "MAKES PEOPLE TALK" well.. in the context of SRJC.. it "MAKES PEOPLE SCREAM" ... the drug is so potent it results in ppl groping your pockets for it, irregardful of the bearer.. for frenz who pursuit their course of study in SRJC.. in the words of yong shen "why bring sweets and suffer when they are 'smart' people ard who got them ;)" dont go against human nature ppl.. MEN ARE SELFISH~~~

today is our sole councillor in class bdae!! hahaz.. today suppose to be surprise lar.. then our good old treasurer messaged everyone so diligently abt today that she even sms-ed the bdae ger~~ ||--__-- but then the class managed to put a super good acting of 'bo chup' that sometimes i wonder if they even know that today is preeti's bdae.. loLx.. nevertheless the plan was carried out as plan.. nicely executed by wl and dewi (im no longer involved in this kinda stuff rem?).. then we had our so called picnic at the cleaners table below the staircase of LT5.. hahaz.. preeti had alot of trouble using her FINGER to pull out the cork of the sparkling juice i bought.. think she needs to train harder yepz? to the extent of her having a bicep and tricep bulging out on her index finger =D hahaz wish you all the best yepz preeti... MAY THE DAY THE ASSES TAKE OVER THE WORLD DAWN UPON YOU SOON >.<

today abit sot ar.. dunnoe why.. just now went HP study with hua xiang dong hai and kl.. for ONCE it was super productive.. i actually finished 4 essay qns in 3 hours =D after that went cheers get a bottle of POKKA ice lemon tea.. and really got DRUNK ?_? hahaz.. machiam my mouth was all abt "crap", "act chio ah bengs" (think they damn strong ar.. until they see me.... flex my muscles ar...), "bikes and wives..", "evil side of school censorship", "the alternative ways of saying: Go and Die.." and "b*stards at isoelectric points".. the wonders of POKKA ICE LEMON TEA.. TRULY REFRESHING eh?

dEMinG
SERIOUSLY... is my hair messy? o.O loNG lIVe thE 2S04 nEws cRew~~~

My mind's unweaving/ 11:18 PM

Monday, March 08, 2004

hahaz today go sch with mixed feelings of anticipation and boredom.. hahaz.. when i first go to sch still dark ar.. settled down to finish miss kelly tan's assignment.. first was yee kiat ar.. he take one glance.. took a second and went "huh? o.O" loLx.. today alot of feedback ar.. miss cheng and her usual suanning mood 'what happened to your hand??' bao bao going "ni xiang bu kai ar?" ppl giving weird looks and the guys in class... some ppl say more shuai.. ppl like jk say look more stupid... some say look un-deming.. o.O.. hahaz.. some say cute also ar... then mrs lim say a fresh look hahaz... amazingly mr kwek didnt mention anything.. was worried he's gonna talk abt hair then to his youth days then moO moO mOO~~ >.<

weird though.. most of the people didnt really realise i was wearing new specs.. hahaz monika say i look older leiz.. but amanda say look more cool Xp.. taste and fashion sure are weird phenomenons... ^_^ anyways i kinda like my hair coz its super AIRY and needs almost no gel.. (just when i run out of my gel) well the qns really i should i cut my hair back to this once it grows longer?? hahaz.. timE wiLl teLL.. soONer oR later... timE wIll tElL

todays mood not really the best lar.. with the lingering feeling from last weeks closure.. i feel kinda restricted from behaving my normal self... (and its not the haiR!!!) but well today chia hong and fabby never come sch ar.. must be mugging at home again.. tmD..

took the chem make up test ar.. its a pushover lar.. failing shouldn't be a prob yepz? =p today weight circuit abit slack coz prior to compeitions.. did stick rowing though.. felt alot of energy then felt my strokes were zai... hEHez.. hoPE sDba also tuRn ouT lidat.. but knowing all that hard training will be over in less than in a minute.. its really stressful yepz... but no regrets deming.. TO BE THE BEST.. THE BEST THAT I CAN BE... the scout hymn.. loVe iT.. =D

just abt to go home then rain elephants and staplers... sianz 1/2.. waited and waited until bth borrow umbrella from miss riveria (thankz mdm!) and evacuated.. next time it rains this heavy.. do take a look at the SRJC track.. it hides i kinda hidden beauty.. the yellow orange light over the water and the pouring rain.. another small part of the beauty of nature that many overlooks today... =] now cuddling at home with super thick jackets and sneezing away.. hope i dont fall sick.. hEhez... *achOO!* bLess mE ---_______---

dEminG
5 dayS to SDBA


hEhez.. a siLheoTtE oF mE.. anD mE nEW haiR.. =D

My mind's unweaving/ 9:28 PM

Sunday, March 07, 2004

wah today sleep until 1pm sia.. woke up only when my mom came over and starting fooling ard with my hair... loLx.. lazed my time away scanning pics from wl's albums and maintaining my com.. haiz today suppose go for gym.. then no one jio me.. so i used my own gym lorz... hahaz.. sadly enuff i cant find the motivate to run on my treadmill... loLx.. maybe coz i didnt buy it on my own lar..

went over to CP to print out the pics i just scanned from the digital terminal.. coz my com the cd burner got prob i transfered some pics to the digital cam for storage.. i managed to order prints for the cd rom but not the SD card leiz.. coz if less than 20 pics.. they'll charge me additional $5.. *wTf??* so i figured to take more pics instead first lorz.. met jeremy who had trouble deciding on what cam to buy.. so being a nice old junior i lent a hand with my "professional" advice.. lOlx.. when the cashier gal ask me if i had membership.. i just remembered i forgot to bring my mom's discount cut.. hahaz.. then she just smiled and say "ok lar.. give you 10% off" ^_^ so it does help to dress up and look good eh? (i wonder whats with me and sales girls nowadays... *shiveRs*)

later went to sembawang shopping centre with my family + my bro's Gf.. went to the thai food restaurant that i always LUVEEeEeEEeEE hahaz.. but then got long queue ar.. but its really worth it.. maybe one day jio some of my frenz come eat.. maybe my class mates? hAiz... later went to GIANT shop like siao.. hahaz.. my mom knows me so well.. i went in w/o a trolley and she was like "you better get a trolley" ^_^ well managed to buy my usual rations.. sweets => to survive lectures... bars => pre-training boosts... drinks => for me to drink while blogging >.<... and my own shaver at last.. hahaz.. can throw that pathetic electric one away le... i JUST LOVE SHOPPING WITH MY PARENTS!! can buy and buy.. hEhez.. but well its nice to have parents like mine.. even though i spend alot they say its good that the whole family can go out together.. (coz my bro in army and full time dating... i in full time college...) hahaAz.. hard to tell them face to face lar.. but i always love my parents! =]

dEMinG
erh.. think tml got chem test ar?? er... *who caRes!* o.O

My mind's unweaving/ 10:39 PM

Saturday, March 06, 2004

a really nice song i came across.. quite old though.. but it always moves me as i listen to the lyrics.. im not christian but im sure everyone shares one thing in common.. for world peace.. thus i'm sure you'll like this song.. chILL~!

Little child dry your crying eyes
How can I explain the fear you feel inside
Cause you were born into this evil world
Where man is killing man and no one knows just why
What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again

CHORUS
When the children cry let them know we tried
Cause when the children sing then the new world begins

Little child you must show the way
To a better day for all the young
Cause you were born for all the world to see
That we all can live with love and peace
No more presidents and all the wars will end
One united world under God

CHORUS

What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again
No more presidents and all the wars will end
One united world under God

When the children cry let them know we tried
When the children fight let them know it ain't right
When the children pray let them know the way
Cause when the children sing then the new world begins

dEminG
PS: liKE to thank thE pEepz who tRy to chEer mE up yEpz.. hahAz.. hELped me ouT aloT.. thankZ!!

My mind's unweaving/ 10:49 PM

wah today dunnoe why so shagged.. went sch for GP enrichment... slumped on the bench outside the LT and totally immersed myself in dream land.. lolx.. not the usual half naps.. but FULL sleep.. hahaz.. then mr tan kinda helped to bring me back to earth with his booming voice *starTleD* today gp abt science and tech.. but we only talk abt it during the last 5 min.. lolx.. go read fabby's blog if you're interested.. i'm a selfish GP student.. i keep my ideas to myself.. hEHez ^_^

after the rest went for chem test i went outside have my lunch then took my own sweet time going to kallang... can see the compeition spirit in every canoeist down at kallang today.. everyone putting in their best in their sprints.. NOW THATS WHAT I CALL SPRINT KAYAKKING!! was kinda depressed yesterday but canoeing helped me lift my spirits alot.. every time i train.. i canoe.. i sweat.. i train hard without any thing else on my mind.. when i stay focused it gives me a sense of sastifaction after every training... thats why i always LOVE canoeing!! =] with SDBA coming this friday.. i can feel the passion burning in mE!! woOHoO!! letS kicK somE NJC aSs!!

well today KL and hua xiang asked me out for dinner at toa payoh after training.. i felt tired so i kindly turn them down yep.. frankly speaking i kinda lost alot of my enthusiasm yesterday.. normally even after training got outing i still go even if im tired.. but today.. haiz.. just wanted go back sleep... and so i did...

hahaz guess what manz.. i went hougang mall for dinner today yepz.. i collected my new specs... AND I SAW HER AGAIN!! loLx.. sEriouS! its like fate lorz.. last week when i knew i had to collect from hougang mall than at suntec i was like "manz.. wont be seeing her again..." lolx.. then today.. i surprised leiz.. saw her back at the counter.. didnt expect was her.. when she turn i was like "HUH~!?!~?!" O.O loLx.. how i wish all opticians are as chio as her.. too bad she perfect eyesight ar... nvm.. i shall keep her number for the time being.. =p

after that went to barber for haircut.. i did say armani short.. my usual.. lolx then the uncle like so happy ar.. take the shaver went 'rRrrrrr.... rRRRrrR....RrRrRR' over and over my hair.. machiam lawn mower... loLx.. after a while i realise the hair on the cover was ALOT loLx.. but i see he cut until so shiok i no heart to ask him stop ar.. hAhaz.. as i always told fabby.. you hate your hair? just go barber and say "TAKE IT ALL OFF!!" now my hair can be mistaken for NSman ar.. hahaz.. but i always loved short hair.. so airy and comfy.. hehez.. hopE my wiFe doesnt scold me.. >.<

dEMinG
a nEw lOOk: a nErdY boTaK

My mind's unweaving/ 10:23 PM

Friday, March 05, 2004

happiness... signs of happiness..
smiles.. laughter.. shouts of joy... grinning.. chuckling...
many people agree.. that i never seem sad...
that's why... when it hurts.... it hurts more than anyone else....
yet no one...... no one....... will ever see it....

dEminG

My mind's unweaving/ 5:10 PM

today has been a day of happiness... sadness... disappointment.. anger for many... be it their a level results or the J2 chinese results... but for me.. today is a hurting day for me.. and it aint becoz of my results...

i can still fondly remember.. last year.. on the 1st day.. i passed a paper ard for my class ppl to fill in for a contact list for the class.. it happened to land in the hands of the teacher, miss cheng.. and she automatically made me the C.T rep of 1S05 2003...

C.T reps... their job description is to represent their cg in meetings.. a medium of information flow from teachers to students.. nothing more... thats all one haf to do.. and you can still get your leadership points.. SO WHAT??? do you haf to conform to everything???

as the C.T rep i wanted to do SOMETHING for the class.. for in my heart.. 1s05.. the ONLY trip sci in SRJC was a class of recognition.. everytime i wrote my CG on a test paper.. i always felt proud to be part of it... ever since our outing at the Glass House at Fish & Co. last year.. i became very enthusiastic.. i wanted to let MY class haf fun despite the hard and long times we spend in sch.. i wanted everyone to be happy.. but i turned out to be the ONE MOST UNHAPPY PERSON in my class...

sure.. outings too often isnt too good... i dont blame you for not being able to come to join us to relax... but... how would you feel when you stand in front of the class everytime.. speaking to deaf ears?? i dont care abt FACE or even how stupid i look... all i want is for the class to be united... to enjoy ourselves.. is that too much to ask for?

many times i try chatting to the gals.. trust me i do... yeah.. its hard to chat like how i chat to the guys... i always tried to bring them into class activites.. but they don't even hold me in regard.. i can plan beautifully things.. outings catered to gers too.. and on the day itself... none turned up.. and they did not even say a word.. leaving me to wait for the HOPELESS for an hour or so... and they never turn up.. no apologises.. no word at all...

WHY AM I DOING THIS?? DO I SEEM THAT IM DOING THIS JUST TO GET MY LEADERSHIP POINTS??? WHY MUST I TAKE THIS SH*T ALL THE TIME?? i wanna really thank guys like KL.. ys.. fabby.. jk... who haf always been fully supportive of me.. but... this has gone too far.. sure today was the release of the results... there were mixed feelings... after dismissal i went straight to the wall to clean it up.. only ys kl dewi and jk came to help... WHY THE F**K SHOULD I CARE WHEN NO ONE GIVES A F**K ABT ME?? they treat my words like crap.. come in one and out of the other.. "aiya we dont go also no diff...", "sure got OTHERS to help deming one...", "i've got other better things to do"... those words kept ranging in my ear today... In my 1 year in SRJC... my class is the only thing that make me feel like dying.. make me feel like sh*t.. make me feel like just another insignificant human...

i just wanted to talk to miss cheng.. i haf taken this sh*t for almost a year.. and i cannot take it anymore.. i wish i could be a normal class guy.. dont give a f**k to the CT rep too.. just sit back let things happen on their own.. WALLS dont paint on themselves.. OUTINGS dont turn up without planning... ACTIVITES meant for the class are not named without a reason.. after an hour of deep thought i told myself.. i wont resign anymore.. but today... is my last day as the LEADER of my class... i'll just be a C.T rep... dont ask me to plan anything.. dont ask me to organise the class.. dont tell me to take it easy.. I already broke once after chinese new year... today it broke again.. this time.. there wont be anything left to break...

huRt dEMinG
no onE appReciated Da vinCi's woRk untIl he diEd.. mayBe somEonE wiLl juST lOOk aT mE whEn i diE then?

My mind's unweaving/ 4:42 PM

Thursday, March 04, 2004

hahaz.. today bio lecture ar.. sit next to hua xiang.. bad choice.. >.< one thing he is really obsessed with... is PLANT p*rn! omG.. MRs lim just had to draw a normal leaf blade and hua xiang could tell me 'i'm getting horny...' |||--__-- maybe he's getting desperate from the compeition i give to him.. hEhez ;) but then mrs lim abit pissed today ar.. coz of donghai and chia hong lorz.. nv do tutorial AGAIN and give 'act smart' excuse.. then kana kan like siao.. lolx.. lesson learnt: dont act smart.. SERIOUSLY!

wah today shiok sia.. after GP.. at 3pm.. we all were FREE!!! *i'M likE a biRd~~* coz was actually a 2 hr cheEna lesson.. hmmz.. suppose to be i think >.<.. besides i already done half of the assignment given coz it was MCQ.. hEHez.. thankz guys for giving me numbers to write into the blankz... =D then our 'editorial board' meeting on our noticeboard.. hahaz.. so fun sia.. got tabloid and ppl of the week nonsense.. somemore i'm gonna write up a report on the phenomenon of HUA XIANG'S UNDYING LOVE FOR PLANTS!! eEeek.. thEn ruishan doing on EVOLUTION of our classmates.. hers sound more fun sia.. >.<

wah today i had one hella xiong training.. coz today end early i enthu abit go gym chiong 3 sets from 4-5.. but then mr zaihan was having PE lessons with a bunch of gym newbies.. the gers were like banging weights like its some kinda dragon dance troupe.. o.O afterwhich when training STARTED at 5 my arms were already rotting.. somemore we did a whole new kinda gym training.. and yepz.. i still cant feel my fingers up to now.. my muscles dont grow ar.. think gerbils can fly le... ^_^

manz.. any of you guys use 6510?? its so damn irritating lorz.. on my trip back home after studying at BK i realised my HP inbox was lagging... so i had to delete the 60 over messages accumulated.. COULDN'T LIKE NOKIA BECOME SMART AND PUT A CLEAR INBOX FUNCTION?? connecting peoplE you say? connect my two foot together lar.. =(


kIAt lOong anD RuiShan'S slEepy lOoks

dEminG o.O
my freakiNG arMs.. *waD aRms?*

My mind's unweaving/ 10:41 PM

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

wah another shagedalic wed.. lolx.. suppose wake up half an hour earlier to do weights.. end up rushing thru me integration 2 then K.O halfway thru too.. GP lecture was on...er... was on.... cRap i completely forgotten abt it... haHahaz i couldnt even keep my eyes open lorz.. sObz... my leg still injured from monday training... so limping ard college.. lolx.. seems no one notices.. lucky not so obvious =D

today our class got HORSESHOE formation one.. machiam COMMON HOUSE (fabby: House of commons lar dumbo!) maths was a LITTLE less boring lar.. at least he doesnt does his daily condemnation of me or my presentation today.. hahaz.. then me stupid PW GRP LEADER present sui sui then gimme the tough qns to present.. lolx.. chEesebuN! and yep i finally subimtted that piece of s*it called integration 2.. (and now for integration 3.. DAMNIT!) liew its amazing how fast the gers can do tutorials nowadays.. KL's wife finish both integration 3 and the transport in mammals tutorial lorz.. wah liew.. so daoing guys in class sure does have its benefits huh??

today never go training ar coz went for DNAzymes workshop at science center..kinda interesting to be using micro pipettes, centrifuges and all... getting my drive back again in pursuit of science le.. hEhez.. was the only guys in class in that grp but 'lucky' got lawrence and jianming ard.. hahaz... (they're actually fun to be with as long they're not after my a** >.<) were having fun sucking and JECTING liquids here and there.. lolx.. DNA roCks yA =] been a while since we went science centre so explore abit.. even gotta see a chick hatch ^_^ a new life awakens!

later go mac eat with the usual.. then realise hua xiang like more and more like us le.. lolx.. at least he aint such a bastard nowdays.. think fabby take his place le.. =p crapping as usual abt camels to how hua xiang's a** was happily kicked in sec 1.. to even SPLITS.. yes! SPLITS *ouCh* later chiong homE on train ar.. machiam new study area.. (SMRT + NEL) lolx.. sprint reading our GP stuff.. still got bio to do.. amen manz... hope i survive till tml.. xp

LEe dEmonG (aS wRItted on my raCe liSTs)

Qns: why does a ger turn a back on a guy when she sees him?
Ans: coz she was on the first floor so couldnt jump off... =)


9 days to SDBA

My mind's unweaving/ 9:00 PM

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

wah today's first lecture K.O le.. no wx ard to talk cock with ar.. sitting next to pheobe and ruishan like no common topics so dozed off eventually.. lolx.. but pheobe woke me up once to take down notes.. then i returned to the inevitable.. loLx.. today did disection of a goats kidney.. lolx cut here and there.. then jun kok and kiat loong MINCED the kidney.. until looks like ba chou mee liaoz.. loLx.. (somemore they went to sell ice cream later!! >.<)

today PE ar.. sianz leiz.. do nafta mock test.. all quite lousy.. 65 sit ups.. 46cm sit-and-reach... 10.3s shuttle run.. 220cm standing broad jump.. 20 pull ups.. haiz.. think getting silver again.. all coz of STANDING BROAD JUMP! need do that for what.. where got ppl stand and jump one.. might as well just jump into the hole and start screaming? toopID! =\ hmPh

later had meeting with lawrence, jianming, yong shen, fabby, weiling, hua xiang abt the class wall (ya.. the class committee all should be present.. haiz..) then for once hua xiang said something INTELLIGENT abt how divided the class is ya.. tat i must feel very f***ed up... mANz.. i could almost kiss hua xiang manz.. (if only he wasn't gay and after GUY'S a**es..) finally somebody understands me.. hAIz... later waited for the ODac guys near track.. even did a sprint with lawrence and jun kok.. i came in 2nd.. lolx.. but i was the only one in sch uniform leiz.. >.<.. hmmz its kinda interesting seeing that theres quite a number of couples in odac.. lolx.. wonder how would it be if i were in odac.. or if i was in DANCE! lolx.. (recall: 1st choice=> canoe... 2nd choice => dance team.. 3rd choice => odac)

later went hougang pt study with the usual gang ya.. hahaz.. not really productive as usual lar.. but it always serves as a platform for me to start revising when i get home.. hehez.. with SDBA just next friday.. im starting to eat my gym machines and weights at home again... lolx.. SR cANOeisT~ whOOsh!!!

dEminG
couNTdown: 11 dayS to SDBA

My mind's unweaving/ 10:49 PM

Monday, March 01, 2004

its harbinger comes forth... the thunder heard across the plains of fate..
it heralds the coming of rain...
some dread the rain.. others thirst for the rain...
it brings life.. but can also take away life...
the impeding stampede of rain... can be chaotic.. but somehow.. tranquil
the world revolves on as water splatters on the head...
yet i'll be right here waiting for you... until the sun comes up again..

dEminG
i'Ve goT thE uRgE~~!

My mind's unweaving/ 8:29 PM