Thursday, September 30, 2004
loLx.. if you been to army or official stuff b4.. i guess you know what AWOL means ba.. hEHez... today woke up but felt this rush of super lethargy.. so what the hell man.... off the light.. off the alarm.. sleEpz... woke up at 9.40am.. loLx.. so again... WAT THE HELL... wc3 then... hahaz.. devised new tactic... cant wait to try out on my unsuspecting victims.. muhHAhaaz... after that i watched "BROTHERHOOD".. you know that korean war movie?? the action scenes werent as fantastic or army tactical like saving private ryan or band of brothers... but maybe its been too long since i watched a touching movie... coz i actually cried 3 times thru the movie... when the gal died... when the brothers parted and when the brother went to find his brother's bones at the 38th parallel site.... its so realistic for me.. coz as asians.. communism and such isn't so distant from our minds... of how south koreans that survived the occupation by the north were then slaughtered when the south regained the city suspected as helping the communists...
anyway i left abruptly after the movie to rush to kovan.. was gonna meet some of my team ppl to collect our canoeing pullovers... i arranged to meet at 1.30pm.. i reached at 1.40.. i waited for 30min.. they came at 2.25pm.. damnZ... anyways thankz to li hua, we managed to see coach.. loLx.. changed his hairdo to some 80's one.. loLx.. quite farnie... the others also pointed out he got fatter le~~ but of coz that pales in comparison to weiliang... haiz.. >.< they look pretty tired when i saw them.. probably coz of school... we collected the jumpers then went to tampines to go to manda's place to settle the wordings...
maybe its some kinda aura in amanda's room... but everyone except me and monica seemed to have got injected with some kinda ecstacy that sent violent impulses to the mind to do really really spooky stuff.... *shiVers* not that kinda scary as in ghosts lar.. but those really... "er....." kinda things... loLx.. from manda recalling that we were actually in same OG, manda's naughter bro, li hua's 'un-rare' stupid expressions, marcus and manda brawling over the keyboard and not forgetting weiliang's lameness... loLx... but still.. its been one of the most fun days i had these few weeks.. gotta say though my class guys are fun... my teammates are simply mad! loLx... back then maybe coz i was captain i found their fun-loving personalities a trouble for me to handle stuff.. but when its not training... they really liven up my day... but then everytime i'm with them i always remember how dull i actually am... haiz... how can i be more crazy~? =/ can someone teach me?? hEhez..
after a long time we finally set off for the printing company.. was somewhere in tampines.. gotta say i'm really good with directions for certain estates like amk/sk/hougang/serangoon etc.. estates ard the CTE too.. but when it comes to east or west states like tampines.. its like completely alien to me... =/ went to some safra tampines there.. walked in to the industrial park.. hahaz.. climbed up 4 floors of stairs that seemed really high maybe coz of the factories... but the kick was that weiliang and i were hogging 7/8 pullovers while our 3 ladies were almost empty handed.. loLx.. and best of all.. we went to the wrong one!! loLx... weiliang was moaning as usual but when we found the right block... we actually realised there was a lift!! mAnz... hahaz.. the guy was quite a nice guy.. really talkative... always sympathized them coz they normally spend their time alone.. so i'm always eager to talk to these ppl... manda kinda forgot the sizes so we spent a long time hearing manda educating her maid on how to find a piece of paper... loLx... when we finally got it done it was getting dark... made me recall of when i was a kid... when i waited for my mom at the industrial park at night.. its really spooky and quiet esp when the long corridors are so worn down and dark.... *coLd winD bloWs*
anyways heard from kl that they got back core paper for bio today... really f*** up... he said i got only like 40 upon 100... kana raped completely for bio this time manz.. haiz.. anyways ar.. if you find the images of the previous post disturbing i think i should remove it huh... loLx.. kaoz.. usually no comments on what i post here one... suddenly alot of ppl share unsettling comments with me concerning it.. loLx.. seriously manz.. i just felt like taking some pics on that day.. loLx.. manz... and i aint narcissist kz fabby.. =/ hahaz.. but i do aim to be a hunk SOMEDAY huh.. loLx... crap... kkz lar... back to my mooncakes... seE ya!!
dEming
diSclaimer: whEn you eNter thiS site, you'rE subjEct to bRainwAshinG and diSplayinG oF eXpliCit conTent.. if you FeEl offEnded in anYwaY.. pLs cliCk the biG X buTton thE top riGHt hanD coRner of The scReEn.. thankZ u... ^__^
My mind's unweaving/ 9:00 PM
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
phew... today really tired myself out just to haul my a** off the bed... my mom woke me up with incessant bugging... to me its the best alarm clock ard... woke up feeling really shitty... coz i wanted to transfer some songs to my md by waking up earlier.. i went ahead with it nevertheless and was running late... when i got to the bus stop i normally alighted it was already 7.35am.. so i sat on and went to mac to eat my breakfast and study.. loLx.. had a small SR gathering with juliana, liang kiat and joshua there too.. =p
today lessons went per normal lar... bio got back pract... f*** up... felt really good after that pract coz i did it really smoothly and well planned.. but the grades sux... got only 29.5... crappy... after sch we had the CCA and CIP record thingy... was really chaotic.. coz i was ct rep i ended up searching high and low for ppl who ran away without taking the forms.. and after that also those who left without handing up the forms... wtf... anyways i had 108 houRs of CIP... got ppl more than me lar.. esp those MAD one.. loLX.. 200++ hours lor.. but CCA i only got grade C of 18 points.. was stunned lorz.. was hoping for a A or at least a B.. was shocked to see B... even weixiong got D! crap... but i managed to scrap up some stuff concerning road race and the annual feedback forum grps that may just push me up to 20 points just nice for a B.. phew... class wall too... hEhez...
oh yah.. yesterday was talking abt moi 5BX i formulated that i've been doing everday.. loLx.. nothing to do mahz.. .so took some pics to show what i normally do at home after school b4 i take a bath... goes to prove my investments arent wasted after canoeing already~~ hEhez
normally my fiRst staTion iS puLl ups... my faV ma~~ hEhez.. 15 repS!
chEst muSclEs shRinkinG le.. to geT iT back to shapE.. iTs puSh upS!! 50 rePs
canT foRget to woRk thoSe abS foR my dReam taRget yuPZ! 75 rEps!
noT foRgettinG my faV biCeps cuRl.. 10kG~~ 12 rEps slOw
anD of coZ miliTray pRess~~ foR thoSE baCk muscLes~~ anD shoulDers... 12 rEpS sloW!
hEhez.. so thats DEminG's 5BX... working quite ok ba.. i normally do at least 1 set a day... if i feel up to it i'll do 2 or 3 sets.... has to suffice coz of lack of time to train.. but still im doing swims on weekends.. loLx.. so got abit of tan back le.... hmmpH... wont allow anyone to say i got fat again.. >.<... but still need to run.. aRgh!!
dEminG
juST a poSE afTer a SaStifyIng haRd traINing sEssIon
chEerioZ~~!
My mind's unweaving/ 10:28 PM
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
haiz.. yesterday supposed to sleep early but i ended up surfing the internet till 12mn... damnz... so i went to sch today with the same fatigue that was bugging me the entire of yesterday... i actually survived most of the lessons... coz they were going thru papers like physics or other jc's prelim papers for biO... gP lessons are never boring with a new concept that we actually live in 'ghettos'... in a sense.. its actually true.. loLx.. esp when you look at my room... hEHez.... but i slept like a pig for the entire maths lecture... really knocked out... x.X
coz of that i resolved to go back instead of chiong and sleep to gain back my energy.... but after GP it rained... so i joined monica, daren and zhen hao at the gym... did some weights... really miss the gym... the lap machine esp.. hahaz.. now can barely survive 41 strokes... >.< die le... but probably coz of my home training my weights pumping still pretty strong ba... hEhez... next time i take some pics of "dEminGs 5bX" that i implemented in cohesion with my weight loss program... loLx.. abit sad when i saw myself with nice back muscles but no more V shapE... likE a peaR ya? gaWd...
went home and went online to see dewi and kiat loong.. lolx.. been ages since i talked to her... but she's still super lively... she even took losta pics and made a letter that she can't upload... i volunteered to help but i felt really tired... so i went to sleep.... set my alarm to 6pm... but i ended up sleeping till 8pm when the day has fallen... haiz.. when i woke up i felt damn sian.... i really wanted to go out today coz its lunar festival... but then no one to go out with... my parents assumed i had programs so forgotten about me and went to the singapore river to look at fireworks... tried asking some guys to pungol jetty but they didn't really give a response.... so i gave up and just watched dvds at home... but as i was cooking my dinner i keep hearing those firecrackers and ppl playing downstairs.... can't help but feel a tinge of jealously married with my solitude.... was actually trying to convince wx to ask his target out tonight... coz deep down i wished i had someone to spend some time with tonight... i did see her today... but the thought didnt even come across my mind till i was home..... today was such a waste.... dont feel like going to school tomorrow if not for the cca record check... haiz...
dEminG
wiLL thEre stilL bE a fuLl moOn tmL?? i fEel so empTy roTting whilE otheRs aRe in a fEstive moOd
My mind's unweaving/ 10:45 PM
Monday, September 27, 2004
after 2 weeks of gruelling exams... finally it has ended... but in its place herald school routine once again... couldn't quite get used to it again as i struggled to remember where do i sit for my chem lecture... monday's new time table really sux... all my 4A levels subs have lectures on this day.. moreover 3 of them are continuous in a row... chem=>maths=>bio.... at least physics was b4 the break huh?? damn... being first time i had lessons after exams i was really attentive for the lectures.... but i was kinda irritated during physics with haoyi kaiye and hua xiang... kaoz... talk so loudly.. i know i talk during chem lects too... but not as loud as kaiye and irritating as hy... gawd....
got back physics P2 and bio P1... physics wasn't too good.. wasn't too bad... wasn't sure it was upon how much but i got 45.5.. getting remarks from monika and weiliang... guess its just slightly above average huh.. but bio i was really dissapointed... i only got 21/40... first time i screwed up my bio so badly... damnz... think i can forget abt getting a B for my bio anymore... maths wasn't too bright either.. going thru the answers b4 we got back our papers.. all looked so alienable to me... chem was no exception either....
before GP tutorial i was shocked when i couldn't find my MD... as usual vuilgarities and words of disbelief came out.... was really depressed and can't help but feel that i selfishly dragged others into my predicament.. but thankz to kl's suggestion.. i took some time and recalled that i last saw it in the A2-6 classroom.. i darted there to find only my notes left there... i felt dumbfounded coz if you see a stack of notes and a MD... then there's only notes left... it almost told me its gone 4eva... but i went to the office to try Mr ou the OM... and thank the gods someone actually placed them under lost and found... phew.. mr ou said i know him but he didn't know the stuff belong to me.. if only i knew who he was.... really want to thank him personally... also felt like apologising to the guys from my class who had to witness the bad side of me... but really.. ever since i lost my 2 dearest items to me in my life... my bikes... i have been really susceptible and fearful of crime... even once my cashcard was stolen from my wallet at the pool.. everytime i encounter precursors like such i really lose my cool and go crazy with hatred.... its almost like you lost your loved ones twice... and to know you may lose another to the same thing... can you understand my anxiety?? if in anyway i offended my class guys... really really... im sorry...
anyways... i managed to get my momentum going again... after GP when everyone evacuated in a blink of an eye.. i stayed at the sch library.. one of the very few J2s who stay in sch to study... helped sharon with her bio mcq and did some chem studying too... after that i felt like going on.. so i asked kl, jk and eve to go hp to study... kl was down with sickness and jk wasn't too keen... evelyn was there already so after pumping my weights i went there with the intention to have my dinner and do my chem + maths... but i got really really tired after my dinner and struggled to think... i was pretty frustrated with my blocked head that i left abruptly... lolx.. evelyn somewhat got the wrong idea that i got angry over ice cream i bought for her that she didn't eat... i threw the melted ice cream as i left... hahaz.. think she think too much lar... but when i got on the bus home i virtually knocked out... even drooling a little
gotta say studying hard isn't hard.. but trying to study hard after a day of school is really painstakingly tough... hopefully tml i'll gain more strength to study harder than today... going to sleep soon.... its really nice to see the moon so full... every year at this time i always stare into the moon and wonder if those dark areas on it are the same ones i saw last year? its obviously full the roads felt so much brighter.. the same pavement that brought me a plethora of thoughts that mixed within my heart and mind.... haiz... guess i wont be celebrating mooncake festival this year... somehow my heart told me to spare my class from another not too big class outing.... my family also dont have anything in mind.... but i actually thought of going pungol jetty to take some time off alone to think of stuff... and remind myself of my purpose and direction in life.... hopefully.... hopefully... i can close that neverclosing gap that i can't place in words..... hopefully... hopefully..
quoTes of thE daY: "puT youR faCe in an a**holE anD you think iTs a cavE!"
"why you think thEY calLEd it romANce of the 3 kiNGdoms?? that thEy LoVe eaCh otheR anD likE to smooCh ard??"
anoTher inTerestinG GP LesSon~~ gonNA miSs them manZ!
dEminG
Romance - A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful
- A long medieval narrative in prose or verse that tells of the adventures and heroic exploits of chivalric heroes
My mind's unweaving/ 10:12 PM
Saturday, September 25, 2004
wooHOo... today went to marina bay with my classmates for post-prelim dinner.. lolx.. also serve as a belated bdae outing for weixiong... so fast huh... can still vividly remember last year our party at toa payoh in utter darkness.. hehez... as we feasted, i can't help but recollect all these sweeet unforgettable memories with my class.... from cory's bdae when hx was doing magic tricks while kl + shuhui and me + evelyn were paired up for dances... hahaz.. to all the surprise bdae tricks for alvin at the kovan mall or preeti's picnic at the LT5 area... when you think of one you smile.. but when i think of all the sweet things we done as a class.. sometimes mostly my bright ideas.. i can't help but feel so much pride and happiness in me... so much so i feel like crying....
the lan session after that was sweeet too.. was supposed to play wc3 with fabby coz i see him really dont wanna play cs.. but my com didn't have the patch so i couldn't play with fabby... sadly he insisted on playing alone.. been ages since i played counterstrike and i really lived up to my nickname "freefrag"... loLx.. but nevertheless it was damn fun and stupid... i didn't really realise how excited and noisy i was... shouting and making a huge ruckus as i got killed like a bug.. loLx.. but its nice to see how good hx is at cs... hehez.. maybe he should just quit everything else and just be a CS player for the rest of his life.. hEhZ =p but i felt kinda bad leaving weiling out... feel sad that she was alittle unfortunate to have female classmates from our class who can't help but give me the feeling that they hate going out to enjoy themselves or just dont want to mix with the guys... she's really one of the more sporty ones.. yet most of the conversations unevitably leave her out.... really good to see how sporty she is... hehez.... for that jia jun is a lucky guy huh? =p
we went back.. while i felt really satisfied and drained coz of all the youthfulness and havoc when i let my hair down on cs.... was oily and tired... but when we got off at sk, donghai suggested going drinking... caleb went thumbs up so we went ahead... there wasn't the vodka mudshake dh wanted so he settled for jolly shandy.. lolx.. caleb got his ah pek heineken while i tried this passion vodka from FX... it was at a pathetic 4% alcholic level... even heineken has 5%!! loLx.. felt cheated as it tasted like passion fruit juice for 6 dollars.. hahaz... thats one brand i'll never touch again... as we sat outside.. i talked to them about my experiences on drinking with my teammates.. lolx... unforgettable stuff... hehez... also shared my preferences for wine to beer.... but i didnt mind vodka either... hehez... after some nice chatting about our future... we walked back.. proving that we still can run in straight lines... hEhez
but sometimes i also didnt realise why i like to drink.. although im really certain im very frank about myself to myself and others.. its when i drink when i let out my more deeper desires... no matter how fulfilled anyones life is.. there's definitely some part they always wished for.. i almost told the guys about how i'm uncertain to what to do... becoz of army approaching... i heard of sad cases when the gers find better men in the uni... but also heartened to see female frenz who love their army boyfrenz so much... but yet.. uncertainty... care... all collided into a single vortex that forced inaction from me.... so close was i to even telling them about who i yearned to say those words yet hate to do so in case it breaks our worlds apart....
deminG
sWim... STUDY... STUDY... thaTs foR tml!! yEah!!
My mind's unweaving/ 11:45 PM
Friday, September 24, 2004
i dont know how but it suddenly struck me when i stumbled upon the word impossible..... you think ar..... when you think of something as impossible... you say so coz alot of factors are weighing exaggeratively on you.... thats why you say impossible.... but the analogy of impossible itself comes from the lack of possiblities which is in fact an oxymoron... don't you think?? those factors that you think make it impossible are also the same factors that can be made into factors that bring possiblity!! so don't ever use the word impossible coz i hate hearing it yepz... say it in front of me and i'll bash your nose in.... only losers say words like impossible becoz they dont have a will.... men do... especially people i call frenz... =] so seriously NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!
dEminG
baSking in thE wonDers oF eXerciSE
My mind's unweaving/ 11:59 PM
Thursday, September 23, 2004
loLx.. believe it or not.. I'm on diEt!! hahaz.. last few days didn't have proper lunch.. just had a packet of fruits to supplement my glucose and dietary requirements... proteins and lipid would come from breakfast and dinner where my metabolism should be alittle higher... hEHez.. my tummy finally subsided le... =p ever since that day i ate the cheesecake my tummy EXPLODED.. lolx.. i took the warning and im finally slimming down!! aLLeluAi!!
anyways today's bio mcq was quite easy... got quite a few qns i feel got trick to it one... so i amended my original qns coz i got 15min after i finished... some differed from the rest of the class.. but i'm pretty confident that im right... so didn't really argue coz its abit futile.. lolx.. just wait for results to come out lorz... phew.. after breakfast with kl and ys.. went home to play dynasty warriors.. i play until tired still 12nn only lorz.. so i watched some anime and went to sleep at 1pm... woke up at 6pm... coz i passed my threshold sleeping hours.. lolx.. so much so i became more tired than rested when i sleep.. so i went to fulfil my mission on wc3... woOhoO!! i love gRyphon riDers~~ nv thought they were that cooL.. hEhez... humAnz roCK!!!
hmmz.. tml last paper le... after that gonna give myself 2 days break... friday and saturday.. then i shall begin mugging for my a lvls le... 41 days from today.... gotta make the best of my time now.... but then saturday i going out with my class for marina bay~~ hEHez... steamboat + bbQ and of coz lan pool and maybe bowling as well!!! though it brings some bad memories abt last cNY, i cant help but feel really exicited to go out with my class again.... no matter how many times they upset me sometimes... i always loved going out with this class i've grown to like... hEhz... saturday~~ comE quick!!!!
dEminG
hMmz maybe i shoUld run tml aftEr my paPer.. hEhez.. get back my abS!!!
My mind's unweaving/ 8:27 PM
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
was really really tired yesterday.. bleahz.. was rushing thru my maths stats... finished late at night... went to hp to get some coffee bean.. didn't ask kl coz later talk again.. lolx.. end up saw rs at mac... studied there alittle then she ciaoz... then marcus happened to see me there too.. hahaz.. we then moved to coffee bean and had some cakes... omg.. cheesecakes make me fat lorz!! wah kaoz.. but 50% off leiz.. hEHeez...
thankz to evelyn for lending me her stats book.. lolx... coz nearby mahz.. later still go under void deck to chiong... phew.. when i got home i was really tired so i knocked out.... tried wake up early to mug.. but was really fatigued.. so i just prepared alittle and went straight for my paper... met wailing at the study area along the LT areas in the morning.. haha.. long time nv really talk to her.. didn't know she was in such deep troubles... hope i could motivate her to jia you ba~~ hahaz.. last time we fellow OFLs one leiz.. hEhez.. rIgeL rockS!!! >.<
maths paper wasn't too hard.. but coz i hardly touched on my pure maths.. the 1st 5 qns were done haphazardly... the stats part went more smoothly.. but i forgot to do C.c... then i also blanked out on my confidence interval.. so lost quite alot of marks... but hell... later went library to "chiong" physics.. loLx.. but coz i already made up my mind to drop physics yesterday, i wasn't really too hardworking.. was disturbing fabby and co.. lolx.. making losta noise.. then later joined lk and monica at their table.. got a little irritating i gotta admit.. but i like.. =] hahaz.. moniKa still so nice to disturb.. loLx.. then lk gotta work on his high pitches in songs manz.. later i grow hair like monica's listening to him sing.. *aRrR!!!!!!!!!*
briskly went thru physics of fluid le then go take the paper le... was unusually easy.... or better said that it wasn't too hard... somethings about me.. everytime i prepare well and determined to score well for papers.. i end up with Po~(100) to screw up the paper... but when i go in with no targets coz i never prepared well.. i had a binomial distribution of success of mean 50 with variance 20.... =/ anyways the paper went really smoothly except i forgot the derivation of bernouli's equation and some previous parts...
it rained really heavily after that... as i was walking in the rain... i was thinking of weather.... i once said that i like looking at clouds.... it all looks the same doesn't it? yet its so different.. moreover, when i take pictures of clouds i take a photo of something more special that a camera can't take... wind.... wind shapes the clouds... wind gives ppl strength... but is also destructive.... as it rained today... i thought why ppl will miss the sun?? its still there isn't it?? if not there wouldn't be light would there?? sometimes things you may disregard as mundane, its good to think of what really makes it and why it exists..... that is the appreciation of life...
dEminG
i'LL be a bEtter man....
My mind's unweaving/ 10:51 PM
Monday, September 20, 2004
went to school in the morning.. did last year's prelim papers... gave me losta confidence as i did it effortlessly...read up alittle and went for lunch.. say kian zi, amanda and their classmates... had a whacky time listening to kian zi's life stories... lolx.. from fires, to sec school grudge-holders... went back... became alittle anxious... read up abit more.... went in... took the paper... and flunked it...
i did the wrong qns... didn't grasp the concept behind the structured... anxiety to score took the better outta me... it was as good as i never even studied for this paper... i felt really really dejected when i left school... bio p3 was my only hope of scoring well... i did so much preparation... and was even sure of myself... complacency... uselessness.... what's there to be proud of anymore?
of all things.. i felt that i did not live up to the faith she gave to me... i felt that i betrayed her trust... i feel that i put her motivation to waste... i feel like i dont deserve any care... any compassion.... whats the point?? no matter how much ppl help me i still screwed up my life... i just feel like putting everything away.... continue the rest of the papers like i used to... going in with faith in failing... that way... i wouldn't be dissappointed.. and i should forget about motivation... it only makes the ones who care for me sad.... why cant ppl stop accepting me.. hate me... scold me.... if not i'll never know how deep i've dug this hole i made for myself to die in....
dEminG
i couLd only loOK upon thE skY you saiD i coulD reaCh...
My mind's unweaving/ 4:23 PM
Sunday, September 19, 2004
quite fast.. my 2 days holidays are out le... loLx... today went to study in the morning at compass point... supposed to meet li hua for bio option tml... but she bad habit ar... chiong in wee hours of morning.. then sleep in the day... so she OVERSLEPT... suposed to meet at 10am... she sms-ed me saying she overslept at 4.30pm... =] anyways i made some good progress at cp b4 i went to meet the canoeists for a swim~~
met lk, pok, sharon, zhen xian, hong an, jun wen and liling at serangoon swimming complex... was asked pok and lk coz swam with them b4 mahz.. then the j1s coz i met sharon online on sat~~ so asked them along too lorz... coz study too long.. you get sick and tired when you are at home, so i sorted i needed to get some sun.. was worried for a moment in the morning.. coz had alot of colomnus clouds with dark regions with strong winds.... but thankfully we swam from 12.30pm to 2.30 with a nice sun.. hEhe... the j1s are pretty good at swimming.. thrash the 3 of us.. loLx.. coz we step down.. all getting fat.. or as pok says.. its "pear-shaped" loLx... but at least my swimming's improving again!! stamina too.. hEhez... and now im shaping up my butterfly strokes.. though i still look like a maggot in the pool.. loLx.. peserverence is strength!!
actually yesterday i had a weird feeling... i was on the bus home after visiting my grandma... it was at night and i was laid back on 2 seats... listening to my md... i didn't know if it was the song.. but unknowingly i shed a tear... when i realised it i suddenly felt really empty and lonely... many times i feel proud of myself.. being independent and always trying so hard to motivate others... yet its during such times when im reminded that i cannot live alone... i need love like anyone else... family love... frenz... and that special person.... i had some doubts before.. and thankz to laysee.. i pretty much cleared all that... though i see a clear picture i really cant do anything much but wait... i feel that i love her more and more.... she's been motivating me consistently that no one has really done for me... and i just keep thinking of her.... but she's having her exams soon as well... so i wouldnt want to interrupt her momentum.... i've already set myself to confess to her... coz it really really hurts to keep it to yourself... i just want to say it... but i dont expect anything to change after that... no matter the aftermath... i just want to express my feelings to her... so that i may haf no regrets when i finally enter the army.... never had i felt so grateful and attached to someone b4.... maybe my first time doing such things.... but i hope it'll be the one and only...
dEminG
bio opTion papEr!! i muST do weLL!! cannoT let heR pRAyers go in vain!!
My mind's unweaving/ 5:15 PM
Saturday, September 18, 2004
hmmz.. today woke up sleepy and all.. struggled alittle to stay awake on bus to sch.. realised i didn't bring my notes i wanted to memorise... crap.... took paper.... crap.... 2nd paper.... raped..... finish.... gone.....
well after that i was supposed to meet my class to discuss the "best CG" thingy... to be honest... its kinda sad that we were even nominated for it... but seeing how Mr ou, mr phillip tan and miss cheng seem so keen to nominate our class.. i guess its my duty to see it through.... but other than the wall... there werent much to be recognised for honestly... moreover when told to write about how our class bonds.. i was thinking of how honest i should be huh? the guy-girl divide.. though i've broken down the wall bit by bit.. the scar remains... and not to be biased.. im sure the guys are more affected....
coz im living proof of that fact... again today the gals left abruptly after the paper... no prob... but not when i asked them hours ago to stay back and even begged them not to play me out... actually i saw them walking away.. i wanted to tell them to stop... but then.... havent i been doing that all this time?? do i owe them the debt to ALWAYS ask twice and beg for their prescence?? i had it... i only talked to those who came.... if they choose to take one human beings words as nothingness... i dont think they're worth recognised by me either....
went back with kl and played dynasty warriors... cleared losta stages and all... the usual "kiat loong dont die!!!" kinda stuff.. loLx... was better today.... can see he's improving!! ^__^ later went to join yong shen, donghai, alvin and kiat loong for warcraft 3!!! oh yeah... 4 games.... 1st i was kinda nervous coz been a long time since i played.. was overall 3rd or 4th, 2nd in our alliance.... but the 2nd game was great... i was really onform and wiped out an insane base b4 they had time to retaliate.. to me... i already won then.... been using human recently... realised its really versatile and good... archmage + paladin makes a wonderful combi!! just gotta fix the minor weaknesses of my troop movement... then i'll truly live up to my nick... loLx "callmEgoD" goD oF waRcrafT!! (in 2S04 lar huh? =p)
got home alittle excited and all... loLX.. lamed the guys who were online with my hysterical outbreaks that they couldnt stand my stupidity and left.. took some time to browse through all my 80 testimonials in frenzter.... no matter how boring it is... everytime i look at it i feel really happy... coz its how ppl feel towards me... how i made an impression on their lives... for one that always seeks to bring happiness to others... its really a sense of satisfaction and joy to read them.... though its abit sad the ratio of frenz to testimonials is really low... i still find motivation and strength from truthful words from people i hold dear most..... i shall not falter!!! happiness shall prevail!!
dEminG
lEt mE be youR holy liGht.. (PALADIN LEVEL 10!!! woohOO!!)
My mind's unweaving/ 1:18 AM
Thursday, September 16, 2004
somehow what i hoped for really happened... after sleeping much of yesterday away.. i didn't feel keen on revising for my chem p2... p3 was such a disaster it wasnt worth my effort anymore... so some part of me just hoped its due time for a simpler paper... true enough today's paper was on the fundamental stuff like maxxman bolztmann graphs and all that i read up b4.. so wasn't too tough... would say a waste.. if studied harder then get better? but i already told myself there'll be no more regrets.. just move on...
i got home today after breakfast with the guys... wanted to sleep to rid myself of the mental fatigue i accumulated these few days.. so i set my alarm to wake me up at 3pm... 11-3 i slept really soundly... knocked out the moment i hit the bed... its really great to sleep peacefully with no worries.. like a painless death... i woke up but switched off the alarm and contiuned sleeping till 5pm... i like sleep not only does it give my body... whenever i wake up.. i forget the pain and suffering from b4 i slept.... sometimes in life when i feel really lonely and sad... i sleep.... and i wake up refreshed and back to my usual self..... or is the other part of me the true self? i'll never know...
just woke up and surfed alittle... went to laysee's blog and the BGM was really familar.. after much mind boggling i finally remembered its some angel song that i seemed to have memorized the lyrics... its called angels by sarach mclaran or something lidat... i realised that city of angels the movie has quite a nice few songs... more notiably is the song most of the guys know... Iris by goo goo dolls.... maybe i should watch the movie.. never watched it b4.... angels.... have i ever been touched by one?
dEminG
thE weekEnds can cominG~~ rejoiCe!!
My mind's unweaving/ 5:36 PM
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
today's bio paper wasn't too bad.. wasn't too great either... essay was ok.. but i completely blanked out on part B of the last qns... so i went straight to structured.. it was really weird and wasnt the usual kinda qns i expected... but ok ba... didn't finish but at least got essay as backing...
haiz... today supposed to wake up at 5am.. but slept till 6am probably coz of last nights fatigue of rushing bio... didnt touch my maths at all... after the bio paper i was really fatigued and could really feel my spirit dangling on a string... >.< went to the library to mug maths with li hua.. but i was really really tired mentally... so i slept.. but even when i woke up i couldn't really absorb well... the maths paper came and i felt it seemed to be quite easy... but yet i wasn't prepared as i was focussing on bio... moreover even though my body was there... my usual exam-mode mind wasn't there... i just gave up when i faced alittle prob and skipped the qns entirely... when time ran out i didnt even get the chance to look at the qns i skipped after stoning there so long...
haiz... feel really demoralised.. just like some machine that goes to sch to take papers.. fill up the paper with what i haf... no thinking.. just cut and paste... doesn't fit the criteria? blank.. i feel disappointed, angry, frustrated... but i feel sad, remorseful and silly at the same time... though i knew this was gonna happen.. like what lh brought up.. its like all the hard work flushed down the drain... sometime today i just felt very solemn... then i thought of the acronym of a shoulder to cry on... i couldn't feel the tears.. but i could feel the sorrow in my soul... this isn't the way life should be.... but i can't let it out..... no matter how close your frenz are.. you can't possibly ask them to be there for you all the time.... i can live with frenz... but i also need to stand on my own feet at times.... if only someone.. anyone would be there to pull me through all this time.. motivation... where has it gone...
dEminG
chEm P2 tmL.... god pls dont the ones i love sad... i can fail all my life... but i dont want them to be affected by me....
My mind's unweaving/ 9:25 PM
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
... well when one says nothing unexpected it could mean 2 things..... one is that what you expect to be good to happen.. happens.. and you're happy.... and well.. the other one... is when you expect it to get screwed... and you really screw it up nicely.... so you got nothing to say..... wouldn't take a genius to guess where i stand....
haiz.. i really dont get chem... i put in the most effort outta the 3 sciences.. and still i skip qns.. leave losta blanks and barely completed it... truthfully chem is my most dreaded science nowadays... if not for singapore conformed society.. i would haf dropped chem instead... haiz.. but if i did... as kl suggests i might just be an acupuncture therapist next time... bio phy huh?
anyways... the paper was screwed.. had nothing to say... so just went for lunch with the usual bunch... this time with guest appearance from amos oW~~ loLx... was talking the old days... cd collections and how to spread your chilli properly.... jam eh? after that i went sch to accompany amos awhile b4 his paper... had a nice chat... even did pull ups and climbed the low wall with impunity... cant believe i used to hassle on the side of the wall as though i was trying to polish it few years back.... =/
kinda nice to talk cock with amos.. loLx.. completely humane.... gotta say losta ppl i know got dehumanised to a certain extent due to jc life... but well he's still the same... just like me... loLx... so even though its been awhile its pretty pleasant talking to him for a change... anyways now im back home.. did some weights and stick rowing... (glad my strokes are getting back on form).. my strength always been constant.. but i suspect that my weight gain actually raised my strength... and sure enough after not doing weights for quite some time (2 days) when i tried really heavy weights i actually managed to carry a little more than what i used to.... hmmz... no wonder fat guys can carry heavy weights easily... loLx.. but i aint that serious eh.... weighed myself and was alittle consoled that i didn't gain THAT much weight.... well... just wanna imitate those gals.. loLx... my weight is a secret... welcome to guess though~~ =]
dEminG
hinT: whEn traininG weiGht is + - 55kg...
My mind's unweaving/ 2:45 PM
Monday, September 13, 2004
......... screwed up!!! aRGH.... dunnoe why today i was so off-form....ccB.... P1 was a demoralising one at the start... the science and tech i spent my night b4 researching didn't come out... end up become one specifically on cloning.... farking pandoras' box... damn it lar.... GP become SP (specific paper)... fark it.... i completely forgot to refer to my enrichment notes that fabby managed to do.... from the way he says it he's super lucky and also seems to be expecting good grades le.... haiz... unlike me... i felt my essay was beating ard the bush alot... coz i manipulated alot of shit and tried to fit into the context...
i beginning to get super irritated by this guy.... cannot stand the way he talks lar... farking irritating... machiam super hyprocritical... the way he lives and talk has been weird all the time... but i always hated how he talks shit after exams... he either makes it sounds so easy to him... or he just gives a fark care as though he has 'nothing to lose' lidat... gave me a farking headache b4 i went in for my P2 thankz to his proclamation of shit..... fark him....
arGh.... P2 was totally F***ed up.... my application qns i didn't answer to the qns at all... i'll be damned if i can even get 2 marks...felt so sick and tired of the paper by then le... i just felt like giving it up.... in short... this is THE WORST GP paper i ever did.... previous papers i was confident and still get less than expected grades... i figure this time my GP's gonna be f***ed inside out huh??
fark lar... tml onwards i aint gonna hang ard with my peepz after the papers le... though they're generally fine... farkers may just fark my day up.... ugh... chem P3 tommorrow's gonna be quite screwed too lar.... GP was my only salvation.. with it down and buried.... i couldn't even think properly hours after the paper.... just blabbering vulgarities.... damn it lar!!
dEMing
fark prelims... fark farkers.... fark farking irritating farkers!!! aRGH!!!
My mind's unweaving/ 6:45 PM
Saturday, September 11, 2004
manz.... life really sux when you really study hard... well of coz i dont think so when I am studying.. but when i take a break... manz.. i think whats all this hard work for.... i mean like... everyone's studying real hard to achieve their dreams... that now those dreams seem only secondary to good grades... well.. its a paradox i guess...
hahaz.. gotta thank my lAzEe farmeR~~ loLx.. well.. she helped me out with the confusion in me from the last 2 nights... now i dont feel so muddled.... at least i made a decision and shall stick to it... but then during so, she told me about some sad things... haiz... why must guys always be indecisive? knowing how ls feels.. i really wonder if she might feel this way too... eitherways really appreciate her for talking sense into me... hahaz.. really.. i think laysee and i can set up a clinic for troubled and stressed creatures out there~~ hEhez...
kinda lost touch with my days ever since yesterday.. woke up alittle later than i hoped... so i was slacking away.... after like 2 days of hardcore studying... my head was gonna blow alittle... hahaz.. but luckily melissa asked me out to CP to study with her... phew.. if not for her i would haf rotted the whole day away... loLx.. been a long time since i met her... a year i think? but well... we headed straight for the library... was keen on studying at cafe galilee for a change.. but unluckily the whole cafe were packed with our breed too... muggers... loLx.. so we settled for starbucks... blEahz.. mango franpuccino sux!! i still love COFFEE BEAN~~
hahaz... SAJC almost done with their prelims le... kinda weird that they started b4 the holidays... but break off during hols then resume when sch reopens... sounds nice though... =] was kinda noisy with starbucks staff talking nonsense and their cursed blender.. (coffee bean puts their blender in a wooden cupboard to lower the volume).. hahaz.. but i managed to clear my pure mathematics... moved on later to HP to meet the usual crew again... hahaz... this time we met rs coincidentally... luckily she left soon... coz then got some ah beng come asking if we know the "pink ger".. lOlx... kL was caught talking to her b4... yet he act blur.. hmmz.. if he kana whack up.. i shall at least paint your coffin gold yepz.... -__- amen...
well... had a few weird dreams these few days... one about army recruitment... loLx... believe it or not its in some posh hotel... and i was packing my stuff for inspection... screwed up a few times.. but the nice female officer let me off so many times.. loLx... think it ended when i was back in my hotel room looking for my army uniform... when i forgot to put the key in the keyhole(to maintain electricity).. so it blacked out there.. and i woke up here... lolX... manz... then today my dream was about me looking for some eating place... looks really familar... but i cant remember... but somehow i remembered that i called that place geylang eating house... i remember i was in some bus interchange... old and abit dark with poor lighting... was kinda crowded.. then in a rush i boarded the wrong bus... was really crowded so i seated next to this family.. with this young boy that can't stop disturbing me.. lOlx.. end up i begun to play with him too... >.< i only realised i was taking the wrong bus when i was upslope and saw the mrt plate reading "buano vista"... but it was totally classy and high-tech... when i alighted.. the doors were closed for some reason... and i and a few others took a detour.... but the doors were closed too... then i saw this escalator.. it had those kinda abstract design... from ancient europe kinda stuff... but i moved!! loLx.. i rode it.... someone called me to get off.. i ignored him... got up... then... i woke up loLX... manz... they dont make sense at all.... its weird i can recall my dreams so vividly nowadays... but maybe coz elements of my dreams always have me centrefold... with ppl or places i actually know... yet are so diff from reality... dreams helped me out once... sometimes they carry a message.. .i wonder what these 2 actually mean....
oh yeah... i just rotted my day away as my parents are happily on a cruise to no where... loLx... was trying to ask fabby or some guys out coz i was feeling super down and lonely... fabby rejected.. the rest didn't reply... haiz... so i just forced myself out for dinner to CP... though i'm accustomed to being alone... with the confusion in my heart... i feel even lonelier... i feel like a coward... if only i could say the words... but is she waiting? or am i the one waiting? or its just all one-sided?? haiz.. i dunnoe... saw a game at comics connection... hahaz.. hit me.. so i went to hougang and wella.. piracy rulez dude~~ rEsident eviL:ouTbreAk.. aint too scary... but surprised me sometimes... loLx... hope i dont get any weird dreams abt that tonight... think whenever im really tired from studying or exercising.. i always get weird dreams... or maybe i may dream abt the connector somehow... hEhz....
demiNG
1 daY to pRelimS!! oH yeAH
My mind's unweaving/ 11:24 PM
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
after 2 days of rotting... i forced myself to turn on my studying cap today... woke up early but was very tempted to sleep again.. so i made myself sort out my notes for binding... i always looked forward to going to SRJC... my school.. coz there's always this feeling you're gonna meet lots of frenz... everytime i walk to school... sometimes my 6th sense will tell me someone i know is like at the canteen or something.. hahaz.. weird eh.... but many times it is actually pretty accurate!!
i didn't make any plans at all to study with anyone today... so i went straight to the bookshop to bind my maths notes... in the morning i saw fumei and xiu zhi hard at work at the LT area... haha.. made me alittle anxious to start mugging too... when i went up to the library to study.. i saw daren and zhen hao studying at the usual place~~ hahaz... of coz i was happy coz i tot i'll just be all alone today... joined them alittle b4 retreating to the library due to the hot air... there i then met monica "studying" her comics.. loLx~~
wei lun came later too... plus li hua too.... then lk suddenly msg me asking if i was in school.. coincidentally he was in sch too and had my md with him... found him at A1-2 where qQ,zX, honG an, jun weN, shaRon and boon may were there too.. loLx... was i surprised.. didnt expect to see any of my dear J1s in sch during the hols... kinda motivated by their effort in studies.. even melvin dropped by!! hahaz... really glad to get my md back in perfect form... really very grateful to liang kiat and his dad... ^__^
went back and finally finished my organic chem... saw some action as the OM was fishing out some super big black fishes in the koi pond.. hahaz.. kinda cooL with those fishing techniques... hmmZ... packed up and 'relocated' as my head started feeling alittle burdened with my work... went to the track and did some pull ups and asked the bM and sharon to do stick rowing with me too.. really brings memories... abit sad to see that they lost touch with their strokes... obviously they haven't really paid as much effort in training as i hoped.. but well cant blame them i guess... haiz...
left b4 it rained i went to hP coz kL asked me along... when i got off i saw JK walking towards me... hahaz.. but he was studying at home though... ys, alvin and kL were late so i was wondering ard and chanced upon evelyn at mac.. loLx... she just started serious study today... so i was on one hand trying to help her but at the same time trying to stress her alittle.. think i overdid it abit.. coz she fled when the other guys came... loLx.. as i walked past coffee bean saw cuzzie, andrew and jameson again... didn't see hn though... went back to mac and hold and behold.. saw huina and jessey at a corner.. loLx... went over to talk with them.. dunnoe why jessey like still giving that cold shoulder look... like i offended her or something... like very uncomfortable to see me... not wanting to hold them back i went back to study again... went to coffee bean again... and manz.. i saw POK this time... hahaz... had the 50% off cake and then went back again to study... but the fatigue was finally really accumulating so i just left at 10.30pm...
today is almost like a school day... saw so many SRJCians that i didn't even thought i'll meet today... many of the meetings were just nice that i like just went out for a break or really pure fate... i don't really believe in fate.. but i also dont take it as a mere folly... its just this thing that just happens...
today she told me something that gave me abit of a perk.. loLx.. coz i was alittle upset and disappointed over what i saw previously.. almost like she knew what was on my mind.. she just told me the words i hoped she would say... though its been so long... just talking to her today really made my day again... she just looks so beautiful in my eyes... but we didnt really get a chance to talk much... something hit me then to try something... but i decided not too as it wasnt the time... and it was too long since we last felt like that.... as i was walking down the same street i was walking yesterday thinking the same thing... a message from the most unexpected person then hit me... besides her... she's been the next closest girl in my heart... we've been close as frenz... though she's really cute and maybe cheeky at times... i can't help feeling like i want to be more than frenz... it all weighed down on me as 'two-timing' (?) though i was chatting with a few frenz then on sms... the only ones in my mind was the 2 of them.... both shared a thing in common... a side of me told me it was a forbidden love.... that if i did anything... it might really disturb her life.... i felt stupid as i didn't understand why im feeling this way... am i in the right to choose between them?? when both seem just distant dreams to me? i barely got the chance to really get the opportunity to show my feelings... i always tell my frenz to be confident when they encounter things lidat.. but even i can't take the courage.. coz i wasn't sure of my feelings myself... and i didn't want that courage to hurt either of them..... i'm so broken.....
dEminG
fate... iT doEsn't play jokEs... but it reminds me of my desire to live with more than one souL in my heart... how i wished i can carry part of her in my embrace..... will fate bring it thru?
My mind's unweaving/ 10:44 PM
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
woOh!! sorry manz.. yesterday didn't blog coz too tired and keep playing PS2... hEhez... (paisey lar kL) .. can't believe i'm like 5 days away to prelims and i still not feeling kan jiong yet when i haven't even finish studying a single topic... but anyways i aint here to cry over spilled milK.. more importantly... its about the ARMY OPEN HOUSE
wooHoo!! it didn't start off too well.... not the event... but my comrades.. loLx.. but felt happy that i managed to get pok, weilun and weiliang to go with me to the open house... if no one went with me i wouldn't even want to go lorz... enjoyed the train ride.. (1 hr lidat) to jurong east.. hahaz.. dunnoe why.. it feels so much more enjoyable to see something as you travel.. (elevated mrt) than the entirely undergroung NEL... maybe coz i'm the stoner-type kinda guy... i really like to just look at the sea... the sun... the clouds... the sky.... the moving world.... and never get bored.. weird eh? but i'm just me! =]
well... i thought i was gonna be late... i THOUGHT... hahaz.. end up i got there right on time... pok was 10min late.... weilun woke up when i was already at outram park... and weiliang went to dhoby ghuat from NEL and took the north south line... talk about SMART..... --__--|| lucky i brought my notes to study.. and didn't throw a tantrum coz im quietly thankful for them to come... coz i almost gave up hope to go to the army open house as most of the ppl i ask didn't wanna go... >.<
we went to the same place my school last went to the OCS trip... SAFTI tower and all... hahaz.. pretty crowded.... i thought today would be quiet.. but its the called the ARMY FAMILY DAY... so.. whoa.. losta army men and their family yesterday... hahaz... quite crowded... also got some sec sch gurls here and there.. kids.. luckily for me.. the first place we visited was the SUPER COOL URBAN WARFARE.. loLx.. it was the most fun part of the day... had a long briefing and instructions but it was all worth it.... the game was capture the flag... but the prob was... my team had 8 GERS and 2 GUYS(weilun and mE) god... was really cool using the real SAR21 rifle for maneurvering and attacking... shot quite a number of buggers who didn't know how to crouch... but still.. my team lost.... why? well... while some of us were trying to capture the flag.. some gers were still wondering how to shoot... manz.... there was real recoil and damn cool.... mANZ!!! if i end up in SOF will i be doing this everyday??? so cooL!!!
after that we went to the IPPT tent there... they set up all the stations... and they had sensor technology.. they were trying to break some world record for no. of pull ups accumulated.. so i thought we should lend a hand... hahaz.. LITERALLY... the officer asked my age and how many i can do.. i just said 25.. then weilun and co. said i can do more.. sh*T.. the officer then called the MC to announce my name as i went to do.. loLx.. damn paisey... he say i can do more than 30+++ --___--|| when i was pulling felt alot of eyes looking.. hahaz.. so shy... but i did till 25 then really bth... sobZ.. let them down... I'M DAMN SAD LORZ!! the highest pull up count in the whole fair (public/school/army categories) is only 35... seems like the rumour of a guy doing 60 pull ups isfake.. or he didn't come!! hmph!! just 2 months back i can do 38 pull up leiz.... lAoz eh.... can win a neat PLAQUE... nvm.. i swore to myself le.. next year.. i'll do my section proud with the highest pull up count in the army category!!! or i tok!
aiya.. saddest part is i forgot to bring my cam.. and weiliang's cam ran out of batt shortly... haiz... so didnt take much pics... they had alot of armoured vehicles on display with exhibitions and all.. skipped a few... was looking for the different vocations tent.. found commando after a long time and it was dissappointingly little info... well... they are the elites mahz.. cannot disclose too much.... well.. then i wondered where i will end up... if im lucky i think at most i go guards le... i wanted to join commandoes coz i want to be part of the best the army can offer... but really.. physical lialibility will just pull down the squad if i was in commandoes... if i can serve the country better in another vocation... then so be it ba...
later after a short shower... we went to AREA A and went LIVE FIRING... woohOO!! was so damn loud.. can hear the SAR21 and M16 rifles shooting from afar.. the queue line was super long.. but i think its relatively short le... the gunshots were really very loud... no wonder army men can go deaf in war.... the helmets were really wet.. (sweat or rain?) hahaz... felt heavy.. but i guess must get used to it... my shots sucked.. loLx.. all 3 got perfect shots.. i only hit 2.. i think i was too ambitious lar.. hahaz.. was aiming for the head... wasn't too used to the scope that was quite high off the rifle... so coz im short abit hard to shoot comfortably.. haiz... later we went to the GPMG firing range... GENERAL PURPOSE MACHINE GUN~~ loLx.. but it was blanks though.. but i enjoyed it more coz you could see the 'fire' on the sprout of the barrel as catridges keep flowing out of the magazine as i shoot... was damn loud too... but it was much more stressful than handling a SAR21 coz the recoil is really high... my cheek felt alittle sore after shooting about 25 rounds i think... =] but it was way cooL!!
we still went on a ride of the BIONIX tank... was pretty fast for a tank.. but it didn't reach the full speed i think... my legs felt all numb when i got out.. hahaz... but i think based on my height... armour is the best place for me.. hahaz.. coz its really cramp.. and at least i can run ard the tank quick.. hEhez... but watch out when you get off... sobZ.. was wearing a helmet so couldn't see.. then i went "bonk" on the wall... >.< ouCH... talk about bullet proof... luckily for us it started raining very heavily as we were leaving... so we were all wet and tired... but as pok pointed out.. i was gleaming even as i tried to take a nap.... some ppl may say its nothing much... but well.. to me its an exciting introduction.. of coz army has more sh*t they wouldn't show.. but i got alot of reasons to look forward to army... so i really cant wait!!!
today was virtually wasted entirely on samurai warriors... hahaz.. but just now i went to hougang point alone coz i had a craving for coffee bean... then also hoping i might meet my classmates in the HPGC... loLx... (hougang point gossip club).. didn't see them... but i did see hn,cuzzy and some other SRJCians... first saw huina... then she pointed to cuzzie.. wanted to greet them until i saw them all smoking... to be honest i hate smokers... but when my frenz smoke.. i hate the cigarette.. hope it get just snuff out then they dont have a light left.. haiz... the 50% off discount of cakes think no more le... so i sadly just bought myself a drink and settled down to study alittle... left after alittle more than a hour and went to ntuc to shop for some drinks... then went home coz feeling a bit of the laxative effect of the sweet i was eating.. =/
well... i don't really understand myself much... when it comes to matters of the heart... when i don't see her i feel like talking and being close to her... but when i actually get to meet up.. i dont feel the emotions anymore... the feelings i had more than a year ago i decided to put aside... did i give up so much that i completely lost all feelings? then why do i still feel empty when i was walking back... haiz... i can really understand how ppl feel.. seriously well.. but now i'm beginning to wonder how do i feel myself... but well... its the wrong time to fill up that unnecessary gap... maybe if i wait too long... my patience may prevail.... but not my feelings for her....
dEminG
agAinst thE cuRRent....
My mind's unweaving/ 10:08 PM
Sunday, September 05, 2004
phew.. today went out to cerebrate eviL lyn'S bdae... well.. i didn't really know why... but just felt like cerebrating for her.. afterall.. she is the most frenly gal in class.. loLx.. and also my pw group member ma~~ the initial plan was just to keep to our grp and kL's grp too since we were quite close... but wx and caleb (both leaders)didn't reply for ages after many attempts to contact them.. knew they had the pioneering comp but they didn't even reply for 2 whole days... so we just took it that their comp wasn't over yet...
but well... met fabby at first... good to see he's still the cheery mood... haha.. i also abit high lar... maybe coz i've been super bored recently.. missed company... went to ps earlier to get a bottle of sparkling juice... wanted to buy some wine... then thought champagne is the best.. but it costs 69.90 phEW! the age limit is there for another reason anyways.. hahaz.. then thankz to our underage kL and our potential threat of a drunk hX... we'll haf to settle for non-alcoholic drinks for now... i also went up to secret recipe to get a cake slice for evelyn.. no point getting a cake.. it costs 55 BUCKs... and theres like only 6 guys.. so... just one slice will do.. (it aint as cheap as bengawan solo or breadtalk k!)
met up with dear hx who got lost in DHOBY GHUAT MRT and PS.. maybe coz its been 400days since he came here? loLX (since last years june cerebration).. still remember what we did at the glasshouse... pictures i took came across my mind... when we were sharing dirty jokes on the sofa.. or taking model shots with the fish and co. soft toy.. hahaz.. the 2nd floor was under maintenance so we took a corner.. bought myself a seafood platter.. phew.. nice stuff.. just a little too salty though.... point to note.. though i eat my kind.. i show due respect to them by calling them CALAMARI... not SOTONG... ok?? so... BON APPETITTE!!
hahaz.. evelyn was really really... really.. quiet... like the old days... for every ten words we say... she just goes "ya" "wad" "hEhez" "grinZ"... omG... i felt so cheated.. loLx... well as she said later.. its coz of an inhibitor.. hahaz.. kinda awkward that we sang a bdae song for her with just a cake slice... but the opposite table of young teens thought evelyn was popping champagne when i shook the sparkling juice and asked her to open... hahaz.. the satisfying "POK" sound came after desperate pleas for her to press harder.. loLx.. preeti and evelyn obviously need more training on their fingers.. loLx... really had an enjoyable time crapping with the guys.. jk,kl, fabby and hx too... talked abt losta lame stuff... old memories... some recent ones like hL... sports day... ys' encounter.... kL's 3rd part.. etc etc.... and LIBRARIES TOO... hahAHaz
afterwhich evelyn took like 30min to think of where to go.. (she still didnt give an answer after that though) she just said "go somewhere where its free".. hahaz.. well many times in my life i explore singapore... i put places quiet and nice which doesn't need money in my head.. they come naturally when the circumstances come so... but well... most of those places wasn't suited for our grp of ppl.. hahaz.. lets just say most of them are for sentimental hangouts that i love to go too... =]so.. i decided impromtu to bring them to the RIVER...
hahaz... walked to fullerton and patronised their LIBRARY there.. gotta love the air in there.. loLx.. sat down by the merlion and chatted.. though its my first time here.. i remember the times i came b4.. with my parents.. with my beloved godsis (sotong family) and even my orientation group RIGEL!!! thE winnERs of THe amAzing rAce!! hahaz... great memories... think abt me.. i nv really get bored of places.. esp when it faces the sea.. pungol end... kallang... sentosa... esplanade/merlion park... they always imbedded in my heart... every time i look upon the river/sea.. its a diff angle.. and a totally different feeling.. nostalgic.. yet fulfilling... i could just gaze onto the sea for hours... ppl might think i'm weird.. but it never fails to bring a sense of joy to my heart to see the waters again....
brought them along boat and clark quay.. loLx.. hx was abit TOO intrigued by the mention of bartop dancing.. the first thought that came across my mind was HENDRIX.. loLx.. the place of the drunkards.. UFO sightings... SALIVATING guys... and super high yet denying guys... hAhaaz.. well.. just took a quick stroll down coz ever since that trip with my team.. i have phobia of drinking with grps... thank god we had a hotel.. or else i'll have to leave them sleeping on the streets man.. seriously...
though evelyn didn't seemed too overjoyed.. she just messaged a word of thankz... that i thought she completely forgotten to say.. claiming its coz she's too surprised by our preparation and all for her... we even treated her to her meal.. though i got a SERIOUSLY big hole in my wallet... ever since that day i really wondered abt the change of the world... i realised money.. the loss or gain... doesn't matter... it cannot ever overpower the beauty of happiness... and smiles...
thouGhts oF the dAY: liFe iS likE a wRApper... bEAutifY whEN welL made.. buT shoRt liVed... anD whethEr thE wrappEr is thRown or kEpt when it iS opEned... liEs in thE bEHoldER of liFe... thE inDiviDuaL
pS: goinG to thE army opEn houSE tml!! omG.. they goT an Army chiNup CHallenge.. above 15 wiLl get a soUVeniR... and they haVing a guinEss woRld reCOrd aTtempt!! wah lao.. when i drop by 15 pull ups then got such thing... WASTED!! but nvm.. just aim to get the souvenir tml.. 15 shouldn't be a prob yepZ?? aim to get 25 at lEAST!!! =]
dEminG
hMMz.. evelyn'S bEen reading my bloG... nOT good... noT gooD..
My mind's unweaving/ 11:53 PM
Saturday, September 04, 2004
phew.. really sunny and hot these few days... weather's really topsy turvy these few days... even got a cold yesterday... bleahz... seems like the only part that still runs very fast is my nose... >.< anyways its like 9 days to prelims? haiz.. think i'm really gonna get it this time... but well... still got time to pia!!
but aiya.. i thought today is just NPC for the scouts.. didn't realise its actually famboree 2004!! hahaz... its a rather large scale event from what i hear... damn... should have went to take a look... hope wx,alvin and caleb win something for their hard work yepz... speaking of which we're going to glasshouse tml!! hahaz.. for evil lyn's bdae lar~~ its been a year le... and i still got the pics from last year... but well.... i just cleared my com of a few GBs of files and pics esp.... kinda sad and hesitant to click the delete button... but can't let my com drag on lidat.... of coz i burnt them onto 2 cds.... its just that it felt weird.. what if my discs spoiL? manz.. i might just committ suicide...
at least i feel much better today after yesterday's bout of flu... but yesterday was also abit er... how to say... fateful ba... hahaz.... maybe watching too much anime is bad for me... >.< is your heart beating fast when you see someone that you really like her?? hmmmZ.... nows not the time.... besides... i'm not really confident on this... hahaz... but one thing im confident in is my persuasive poweR!!
loLx.. joking lar... as promised heres the other of my favs from the puffkins collection.... i took pics of these coz i myself if possible would like to get them... some for myself... then maybe for her... but even so.. i dont think i got the courage to give it to her... hMMz... im just a normal fren to her... arGH!! hahaz... heck... study study.... enjoy thE piCS!!
bluEbellE anD liZzy thE lambS.. luV thEir fuR!!
danNY, dinkY anD piCklES!! thouGH my faV is dRakE... thEy stilL look adORablE!!
thE bEaRs~~ you namE thE colouR~~ we goT it.. =]
huGs anD kiSses... meanT foR a couPle.. i fEel likE buyinG it.. but... whaT foR? haiZ..
buTtercup, petER anD shElly~~
welL there's plenTy moRe... 139 in totaL... think left abt 90 le... if ya interested check out the cataloguE b4 all the cute ones get snapped up! =] chEerioZ!
dEminG
yET anoTher daY oF unfuLfillEd dEsirEs
My mind's unweaving/ 4:30 PM
Thursday, September 02, 2004
puFfkinS!!
fiRSt cuStomer yonG shEN's oRderS
hahaz.. yepz my bro are selling puffkins... going at $10 dollars each... for its size i will figure that if in the market it'll cost about 15 dollars ba... hahaz.. im not earning any profits leiz... but he's my bro ba...so gotta help... loLx.... more abt puffkins: made in USA... not in s'pore... about 130+++ dolls in a set... really cute stuff.. loLx.. i feel like buying more myself... selling fast yepz... will be showing you peepz the catalogue yepz... get it quick while stocks last!! =]
dEminG
oOO man.. i likE that reD dino too~~ Xp
My mind's unweaving/ 10:25 PM
went to hougang swimming complex to swim with pok and dawn today.. lOLx.. so sunny lorz.. couldn't believe it rained in the morning.. (mostly coz i was still asleep.. ^___^) when i left home i was kinda gian of the nice sun... on the bus it suddenly struck my mind that i forgot something.... well... kinda embarassing to say lar... but luckily i remembered or i will be wearing my swimming trunks home... talk abt abrasive power.. (sandpaper?? =X) hehz.. saw ken yee & siva today sia... ken yee looks changed alot.. now more mature and TALL.. (tmd) hahaz.. there goes one less short guy in the world to share my pain... =PP siva was at the pool.. apparently pon NJ again... hahaz.. funny fella... YEAH!! today i learnt abit of butterfly from my eviL twiN~~ hahaz.. though i felt like i was doing quite obscene actions in the pool~~ at least i'm on the way of learning ya... heHez...
but coz i made myself guilty.. thinking that J1s already studied for like 5 hours while i was on bed... so i cut short my water time and left earlier to go to school to study... hahaz... on a partially empty stomach lar... only had my only meal of the day... lunch at 3pm at the kopitiam outside school.... today also quite fateful ar... saw quite a few J1s today... of coz my team one lar... anyone else didn't matter... well.. heard abt some things that happened to the team.. though i stepped down i've always been thinking abt them.... saw qq kinda listless as i walked thru the blocks to school... hahaz.. gave a word of encouragement and all... really understand the situation they are going thru.. coz when i first learnt of the suspension i was contemplating the problems the new exco will face... apparently one of my worst fears came thru... but thru some asking ard.. can see it isn't that desperate yet.. and its encouraging to see the resolve of the exco members... GAMBATTE NEH!!! i'll be behind you guys all the way!!!
met ys, manda, weiliang, dh, monikA and darren in sch... i studied physics till nss... most of them left b4 7pm... some ah-chi~~ guy monka watching or something.. reminds me of those gravy chinese dishes have.. its called "chi" too leiz.. *dRooLz*... but gotta say... school is still the best place to study... its just that ppl are really very noisy and affect my focus... but when i'm in school the aura always propells me to study.. with time to do my own pace and the correct atmosphere with the right mood... its my winning formula of scoring for exams.. hEhez.. coz its when my sponge works best~~ sUPEr abSorbent!!! woohOO!!!
just got back from sch.. super tired.. after the swim and really focussed studying... got some targets set for the rest of the day too.... coz its really quite good.. the technique i learnt b4 and shared with some ppl.. when time is short.. split a day into 3 parts.... morning.. afternoon... night... hehEz.. so in 1 day.. theres 3 days to me... heHEz... dusk to dawn is for sleep of coz... but it sure gives me the inspiration to work... hEhez... talking abt inspiration... ys' gf was like hitting me with the cold facts... i'm gonna get fat and saggy.. *ouCh*.. hahaz.. now i'm training twice a week... half my frequency.. like what i told jeremy.. hahaz.. i'm like going thru half life.. hahaz... muscles shrinking by factor of 1/2 and 1/2 and 1/2.... stamina likewise... soBz.. thankz to her reminder.. i'm hitting my home gym again... muahahaz... pulL up bar fixed with cloth to do LOTS of pull ups... weights all set up and ready... muHHAhahaaaz.... i'm gonna get my iron fists again... hEhez...
thouGht of The day: relates to the topic yepz... just wanna share how i think abt life... relative to how others think
General(G): die le lar.. not enough time
DeminG(DM): alright... short duration... so lets make the best of every second!!
G: when will this end??
DM: can't wait for the happy things to comE!!
G:i can'T take thiS sh*t anymore
DM: arha... a challenge.. now thats my middle namE!!
G: i aint good enough
DM: i WILL make myself gooD enough
hEhez... thats another plus point of myself.. hahaz... thats why i'm always cheery!!! hEhez... hopE you guys be cheery all the timE too!!!
dEminG
hAhazz... thankZ foR taGginG ppL!! really makEs my day!! so Tag moRE!! =]
My mind's unweaving/ 8:53 PM
ok.. frustration let out.. hahaz... aiya.. dont feel like rewriting all the stuff i wrote just now... was just abt my trip to peninsular today.. hahaz... settled the pull overs my teammates are getting for our batch... looks coOL.... and i can't wait to see it.. coz it really tore a hole in my wallet manz... that 50 dollars is my stinged cash flow i got... haiz... i already bought a packet of instant noodles to survive this week... might just get that instant campbell soup too... haiz... dont have the heart to ask my mom for additional cash.. so forked out my own cash for this... hahaz... but well... if i make sacrifices for something... it'll be more worth receiving the end result~~ hEhz... THANK GOD FOR INSTANT NOODLES....
after settling the sizes we went to eat at the food court at funan.. hahaz... pok came later.. and we were talking abt losta stuff.. haha... it felt like ages since i talked so actively... we talked abt stuff from our childhood days... like how weiliang SHOPLIFTED... hahaz... how we used to blow our sega catridge consoles back then.... to stuff like gigolos.. and manda's new dream of being a "TAI TAI"... loLx... really missed talking with these ppl manz... i used to dislike myself... about how i realised i was a very dull guy.... i used to worry abt what to talk to those talkative ppl.. hahaz... but thankz to my teammates.. talking alot and b*tching has becoming my common skills~~ hahaz.. and when i start... i can't stop....
that was evident when i met my class ppl to study at hp in the evening... hx asked meet him up earlier coz of some matters he wanted to talk abt.. being the nice old guy i couldn't refuse.. listened to his problems... and they still shared a thing in common with the ones b4.. haiz... but can see he's making the effort to change for the better.. thats what i kinda feel proud of... =] hmmz... i was surprised myself when i actually encouraged him on something i bet losta other ppl would just ask him to give up..... its when i really feel that giving hope and strength to others is really the best life skill i learnt in my life...
of coz when the others came he immersed himself in his work... evelyn like woke up just in time to ask me if i need the coupons i requested for 30min b4 when i just finished my meal... dear kl was at his usual Personal best (PB) this time he was late by 1hr 32min and 43seconds... haiz... i wonder.... but when they came i became unusually NOISY... and yes.. my mouth couldn't stop... hahaz... i think kL has a innate ability to continue talking without anything to talk abt... hahaz.. i realised at points when i feel like we talked too long... i'll stop temporarily.. then KL will start talking again... loLx... i mean its a really good thing.. coz like the other time we went to visit yong shen at CDC he was the one that really perked ys up from boredom.. but on the other hand.. loLx.. he's like pringles... once he pops.. he never stops.. lolX!!
but well he can't be the scapegoat.. i myself talked endlessly... about my sec sch days... mr peter tan's running up the tree... holding up world.... flapping our hands... yepz.. only kl and fabby will understand what i mean.. even miss jackie cheng's b*tch identity and how fabby's soft whisper to me actually went thru to her as a praise... loLx! talked alot with evelyn.. even asked her out with our pw grp on sunday to cerebrate her bdae.. knowing her bdae's coming... its like she's the most helpful and talkable ger in class for some of us like kl ba... so at least cerebrating her bdae is worth the effort yepz... unlike some other anti-social ppl.... gotta say... my class gers situation seems to improving for once (YES DAREN!! start buying 4D with me) hahaz... most of them have their cold shoulders lowered.. but some still remain as impregnable fortresses... hahaz... but well i gave my shot... worked for some... and those some i shall appreciate... =]
after hx left.. we ended talking up non-stop... our notes our table were just mere decorations.. hahaz.. even talked abt eve's target... loLx... kinda amazed by her confidence.. but well.. in a way... gers can become really vicious and stubborn when they feel like it.. loLx.. as in kl's odac Jurassic park gers and how it seems that all other guys in the world are incomparable to the ones they like.. hahaz... denial is futile... guilty....... as charged!!! >.< hahaz... j/k leiz~~~ dont take it to heart ya.. of coz there are exceptions.... hEhez.. we further talked abt army and jc students... haiz... if only that fella didn't exist.. sobZ... army guys can be jc guys enemies... but i strive to an army guy myself... hEhez.. that jc guys hate... loLx~~~ weird eh... in like 4 months time... we guys be in the army.. while the gers are in uni.... graduation's like a month of so away.. i dunnoe abt the rest... but i have this burning feeling in me... that i might just cry on graduation day.... all the sweet memories... the time spent... the company i enjoy.... esp from my team and my classmates... they might not feel the same... but i'm beginning to feel sad of this impeding parting.... i wonder.....
dEminG
but ar.. i like noodles with eggs... but... WHY THEY RAISE THE PRICE OF EGGS??? wah lAo eh...
My mind's unweaving/ 12:16 AM
Boat Shoe from Timberland
Green Scarf from Hermes