lOlx.. today actually even more screwed up.. i set moi alarm to wake me up at 4.30am to do my organic chem.. i did only halfway thru.. end up i overslept and my dad had to wake me up at 6am.. by the time i woke up i was too anxious to absorb and just packed my bag to go to hell...

as expected chem was totally f***ed up.. left so many blanks here and there.. thats the prob with chemistry.. always study but then you still can't assure results during the papers coz its like always so hard.. haiz... hear some ppl outside the hall saying how easy some parts were.. yeah they were easy.. hell yeah.. but then.. i didn't go thru that topic.. haiZ...

at the canteen even the pE TeacherS who were talking about the blackout last night ask me if i'm all right not.. i realised how stunned and bummed i looked then when i look myself in a mirror.. uGhz.. crappy... i was sianed 1/2 yesterday.. now i'm 3/2 sian-ed... haiZ.. dont even feel like studying for my remaining subjects.. just slept all the sleep debt away for the afternoon...

its amazing how relaxed some ppl are... can go do things like he already finished all this studying.. haiz.. if its J1 i wouldnt worry lar.. but coz theres so many things i didn't learn yet come out its beginning to load on my mind.. but yeah.. like anyone else.. i sworn to kick some a** during my prelims le.. after mid years i intend to pia all the way... hope i can keep up ya... until then.. i still can look forward to playing LAN with fabby and co. and go chiLl ouT... hahaz.. tml'S maths.. in the afternoon at last.. can sleep longer.. blEahz...

dEminG
26 daYs to naTIonaL schOOls canoeinG chAmpionsHips

wah kaoz eh... these few day seem so long to me.. and its only 2 days passed into the mid year exams only.. wTf... really hate this feeling.. kAOz... everything is study last minute the day b4 the exams.. havent been sleeping much either.. (explains the dark rings).. i have ZERO confidence for the papers i taken already... nv felt so screwed for exams b4.. its like whats the point of doing exams when the results are CONFIRMED F.. bLEahz.. not much hope already.. dont even feel like taking the rest of moi papers le...

not only i feel pissed.. its like i knew this would happen if i didnt study.. yet i couldn't move myself to study even in the last week of the june holidays.. if its just myself it wouldn't be so bad.. but scoring badly while others do well.. and tutors start bearing insensitive comments and threats to me... then the nicer tutors will shed light of what a waste i have done.. arGh.. life would surely be hell when the results come out.. i dont mind pressure from tutors and family to study harder.. but not stress.. blEahz.. they'll probably scold me.. threaten me over my cca committment etc etc... thats IRRITATING.. what i need is MOTIVATION!!!

even bio my most fav subject.. i screwed up the core paper coz i spent too much time on essay.. its been ages since i wrote one.. so i didn't know where to stop.. ended up writing a whole stack of crap till i had insufficient time to do my structured qns.. nonsensical stuff that mrs lim will surely make sarcastic comments on... then for the 3rd time this week.. came my MENTAL BLOCK.. bleahz.. knowing theres not enough time its like i cant think clearly anymore.. and fatigue sets in.. so i just GIVE UP... haiz... tmL's chem.. if i screw this paper up too.. miss cheng's gonna suan me again.. f*ck!

dEMinG
diStrauGht.. cRazeD.. dEmoRaliSEd...

wooHoO.. today nothing much to write.. pretty much slept my ass till afternoon again... coz yesterday went for my old school's campfire then went for 24hrs ROTI PRATA.. hahaz.. missed moi last bus.. but luckily was a sat.. so there was NIGHT RIDER.. so cooL.. nv take b4.. the uncle is such a dick lorz.. yawning loudly like trying to tell the whole bus that he's damn sian.. =\ blEahz.. but it was $3 lar.. better than taking a cab... midnight charges sure can kill...

long time nv go IRC.. last time in my scouty days i used to frequent this channel called #scouts_n_guides.. ever since i got sian of irc i didnt go back.. but i made ALOT of scouts and girl guides frenz there.. from various schools and even from BAKA a.K.A Best Action & Kaobei Association.. loLx.. yesterday i had the urge to go back.. and was surprised to see some familar faces that still remember be well.. hahaz.. guess i will be irc-ing more often le.. =p i also uploading some pics from the campfire on my bachelor club's bloG.. hahaz.. long time nv go cf so fun.. i like held the hands of over 50 giRl guIdes... so scaRY.. but also no time go bio them.. loLx.. wasted.. =X

anyways i just wasted my day away AGAIN.. really cant study without pressure from ppl one leiz..i only seem to work under pressure.. loLx.. sh*t.. played WC3 and found out how sucky i have becomed... so just went sleeping again.. hAhaz.. now back awake.. taking out my maths to study.. how at differentiation.. lolx.. still got 70% of pure maths to clear.. woohoo.. guess i wont be sleeping tonight.. maybe i can catch EURO later.. muhAhahaz.. chEerioSz... oh yah.. for those who studied and prepared well.. do your best tml kz? =] cyAz!!

dEMinG
thE laST day oF holiDayS..

reaffirmations.... had a talk with our dear VC sExy monicA.. lOlx... talked about the team.. the bleak sides.. the hopeful sides.. the memorable experiences.. and the FINAL TEST.. these 1 and 1/2 years as a captain has been long enduring times for me.. and to me its like been 3-4 years.. no one was born a good exco member.. especially a captain.. no manual.. no guides for dummies can teach me to be a good captain.. my team did

as compeitions draw close.. i naturally worry about how the team will fare... but personally i never feared my competitors.. be them from NJC.. HCJC.. CJC etc.. they are our rivals.. being in sports for the first time in my life.. i've grown to learn of the OLYMPIAN spirit... the passion to excel in the sports no matter the outcome.. for that i rest my peace.. at this time.. the team is like my family.. my children.. my brothers.. my sisters... like a father i have worried and think of them all this while.. about how much their effort equates against others.. but it doesnt matter anymore.. the past is done.. all thats left is to look forward

i've decided to let go.. not to forsake the team.. but let nature take its course.. to each men and women in my team of J2s.. its their FINAL TEST.. no one is sure of what it'll become... somewhat due to my excessive intervention in their trainings.. they've grown to be alittle dependant on me.. so i've decided to let go.. from now on.. they'll have to make their own decisions.. to put in the extra effort in this time we have left.. no matter how short it is.. i truly wish that they will rise to the occasion and find that UNDYING spirit again.. the motivation to push themselves.. as ATHLETES.. as CANOEISTS.. as my SRJC CANOEING TEAMMATES Let's shoW thE woRld whaT we goT!

dEminG
capTain oF the 03/04 SRJC Canoeing Team

yesterday was kinda rash and wrote some really thrashout from deep down... hmmz.. hopefully none of you see it.. hAhaz.. coz after that i thought about losta things... for this whole week.. i've been having trouble sleeping.. at first i thought was coz of my new bed.. but then when i sleep... my head hangs HEAVILY.. i always seem to have something at the back of my head... was really depressed yesterday.. rolling ard the bed till like 2am till i woke up.. switched on the lights and just looked outside of my window... i felt like i was searching for something that words cannot describe.. i felt like crying but didn't.. i felt lonely but didn't.. its really a indescribable experience... i wanted to talk to someone.. i wanted someone to hear me... many things went thru my mind.. many asking why am i feeling this way.. and there's still no answer.. i made a silent prayer to god asking for guidance in this dark times... and somehow.. i received...

i looked upon my stack of notes and decided to get to it since i couldn't sleep.. as i worked thru sorting out my documents.. i felt this sense of working and begun to forget all those frustration and worries in my heart... all i felt was to make the best of the moment... and i did it.. when i managed to finally sleep at 4am.. my eyes that kept flashing images b4.. was a soothing white.. quiet.. plain but not empty... i suddenly felt the weight that has been piling on me all released from my fatigued shoulders... i for one believe in my god.. and yepz im a buddhist... but in a sense i always believed god nv gave us direct help.. they just give guidance in our darkest moments so we can pick ourselves out... i felt that divine touch... and felt healed from all those scars in my heart...

i woke up today refreshed.. like the old me.. i felt that god was giving me a sign that to tide thru such times is just to be MYSELF.. the same old carefree me... and yes.. i felt that i was back to myself.. i went to school to take my bio pract and felt lifted to see my classmates again.. they make me forget all my pain.. becoz everytime i see them.. i want and always try to make it a fun memory... last night i remembered fretting to myself.. of how much i yearned that there was another me out there in the world.. to understand me.. to support me... to listen to me.. just like i do to all my frenz... but it was a futile wait.. for a reason.. god gave me the guidance that i have to learn to stand on my own feet.. and i have... many of my frenz know that i give good advice to them... words to heal their confused souls.. but i had none for myself... no longer.. i begin to recall words i said to others... "smile and the whole world will smile upon you"... "those who sow in tears reap in shouts of joy"... "anywhere can be a heaven as long as i believe"... "fEel wiTh youR heArt... foLlow youR heaRt.. anD hapPinEss wiLl folloW".. bit by bit i found myself.. and abit more... through my committments... i have learnt to doubt... to fear... to distrust... to despair... to forget... to forsake..... but no longer...

i still feel being myself is just fine.. though my passion always become hurt... my pride destroyed.. my dreams dashed... i still have that small flame to light up the lives of others.. for that really i feel, more strongly than ever, is my meaning in life... chEers to liFe~!~

dEminG
oh yEsH.. anD there'S a seNtosa tRIp to loOk foRwarD to wiTh my claSs aftEr miD yeaRs!! hEhez.. ^__^

hey heyz.. do remember to keep your fitness level back up kz... on the 4th JULY 2004 we'll be having a 10km Jog at maCritchiE ReseRvoiR.. do spread the msg and plS shapE up abit kz.. drink loSta waTer... and dont eat too much... ^__^ its just for you all to push your fitness back to level.. as well as a test of your stamina... it helps to clear those FATS that accumulated during the exam period too wor.. loLx.. so be sure to look forward to it~!!~ chEeRios!

dEminG
10km => about 1hour joGging (subjective to speeD)

kaoz.. these few days dunnoe why so lethargic.. today i slept a total of 16 houRs... coz i feel sooOooo tiRed.. liew.. no canoeing.. no outings.. i feel so sapped of my energy.. loLx.. but anyways today i just did alittle revision on my bio pract for tml.. then i thought about a few things i used to wonder about...

recently i've been down in a finiancial crisis.. loLx.. coz i've been spending too much the last 2 weeks of my holidays... not to blame anyone but myself for poor money management.. then i begun to wonder about my teammates.. loLx.. they seem to have the same amount of allowance like i do.. but its amazing how much their spending power is... hahaz.. esp their pursuit of good food and games.. hahaz.. no LC stuff for them ya... but frankly to me.. theres no such thing as LC (low class).. loLx.. in fact i always try to eat cheap stuff.. like hawker centres as much as possible even if its a grand occasion... its like just eating a $2.50 meal leaves me $18 richer than a trip to seoul garden.. i can even order 2 plates without regrets! ^__^

but then its kidna related to where i stay.. i nv really enjoyed my stay in SENGKANG as much as my stay in amk.. yEpz.. i lived there for 10 years in my life... 1.my neighbours are much more duh.. back in amk.. my neighbours are my playmates.. always going for badminton matches... playing games... maybe coz they are around my age.. here in sk.. my direct neighbour is a mixed family.. all about 9-10 years old girls.. so its obvious the gap will be big esp since gals haf diff interests.. dont have much a chance to fool around or even chat with them.. =\ 2.sengkang has NO GOOD FOOD... the small food centers here and there(far from my home) are not good tasting at all... moreover they are priced about 3-4 dollars just for a simple plate of chicen rice... i even spend more at the air-con food courts than fast food centres nowadays!! manz.. i sooOoO miss those $2 good food in amK.. i do make trips there once in a while to savour the meals.. and they nv fail me make me want for more.. ^___^

then i became a little bored coz my discman is OFFICIALLY broken down.. i dunnoe whether i should send for repairs knowing those merchants most probably wont know how to fix it.. so as i looked out of the bus window(my fav pasttime on the bus) i wondered why sometimes i wished so much for company.. i used to think its just becoz i'm bored.. but then i recalled that those times i felt so was when i see groups of frenz.. couples.. families... all laughing and talking happily.. when i was alone... its this sense of deprivation of company.. couples esp seem to be so intimately attached that the very air they breathe sometimes is that of the other.. loLx.. i'm really used to being alone on usual days.. but sometimes when i got nothing to do i tend to think too much... so maybe you'll say im desperate for company.. but doesnt anyone else wish the same too?

dEMinG
buT then... i'm nEver aloNe... =D

uniTed fRontaL aSsauLt~~ wHO daRes sTand in ouR waY? ^__^


wei Lun + zhEn hAo shoWing thEir pRoweSS


waRminG uP to fLy


J1s aT woRk

dEMinG
piCS coUrteSy oF mr TaN TH~~ thankZ aloT siR~!!

the chem pract today was ok.. pretty straight forward.. unfortunately i was alittle kan jiong at first coz i made some mistakes here and there... kinda lucky that its pretty easy.. even the last min revision last nite showed pretty good results.. hahaz.. well.. the good thing is pretty much not seeing each other.. all of us were pretty cheery and happy to see each other again.. hahaz.. i didn't feel as anti-gers as b4.. so i actually asked them to join the guys for lunch.. loLx.. but... it seems i'll never live to see the day they change.. hahAz.. they just walked out on us without even a proper reply.. hAiz... is that no manners or no social life?.. not say i wanna say lar.. naN de wo zhE me kAng kai they still treat us so coldly.. and i thought i was the one giving them a cold shoulder... =
but still enough the guys were just the same old gang.. just even more excited and crappy.. like they keep them throughout the hols just to lame us.. hahAz... hX, alVin, wX, kL, fabby, moi, hAo yi and tyS went to eat some budget western food.. hahaz.. talked about losta lame stuff.. from buLls testiS(as hX was eatinG) to chioBus in thE diStriCt.. loLx.. if not for these great guys ar.. i would have killed myself just hanging around my class gals manz.. hahAz..

later after we dispersed.. i went back to SRJC to go study with my canoEIng junioRs.. hahAz.. its kinda sad coz they are sOoO much more hardworking than me.. ask me qns i also dunnoe.. hahaz.. sia suay sia.. after a while their attention wavered and we ended up playing aRm-wRestlINg and cracking "lEng xiao huA".. hAHaz.. later mR tan called us down to confirm all the events for NATIONAL SCHOOLS regisTration.. was really kan jionG when i saw the timE triaL timinGS anD ouR names dEpicted on thE sHeeTs... for me.. its my LAST RACE ever... somewhat i know what will happen.. but i just dont want to give up.. its just my personality ar?.. hahaz.. but i feel happy for the team.. coz almost everyone will get a chance to paddle... esp the J1s.. with renewed strength.. we went ahead to change to our Pt kiT.. and... train!!

loLx.. yepz actually today i bring all my stuff.. wanted run 4.8km on my own after the chem pract.. but after that it rained so i changed to having lunch with my classmates.. then when i was considering to go back or what.. qQ asked me if i running.. loLx.. its scary that they are like so psychic lidat.. know my every move one.. hAhaz... of coz i agreed.. we went ahead with a warm up RUN and a s-J ciRcuiT.. hahaz... my stamina isnt as good as b4.. but its better than no training? after that i spent some time sharing my experiences that i have learnt thru my years to the juniorz... i just enjoy teaching them... coz they always exhibit this keen interest in learning and are so enthusiastic that i myself feel motivated by their actions... i did so coz i'm kinda sad.. many things i got ENLIGHTENED only recently.. so i didn't want it to go down the drain.. i wanna teach my juniors so that they can learn and adapt b4.. maybe even after my A LeveL's i'll really write out tipS and training techniques for future batches of this team i love so much... ^___^

on my way back i watched the TVmobiLe and saw the dreadful expected outcome.. thE south koRean was beHeadeD as weLl.. its almost like becoming a sport in iraQ... i was extremely outraged and angered by these terrorists.. i simply hate them to the core.. and as i watch the views from south koreans.. i really empatize the gov.. i really wonder why sometimes the gov can only make speeches of coDemnation... pROmisEs.. theses has been proven in so many years as ineffective... if i were the gov leaders.. i would have a speech to state our stand and our feelings... seeing now.. it is pretty obvious.. TERRORISM is fighting a winning war against DEMOCRACY.. terrorism is not merely a tool to fight cowardly in face of a stronger enemy.. but a tool to spread FEAR and CHAOS.. and seeing the response.. i'm pretty sure terrorism has achieved its meaning... people condemn the gov more than the terrorists.. becoz they feel by withdrawal they can salvage a life... but as the gov official.. it is obvious that cannot be done.. not only becoz it shows we've lost to terrorism.. but also that humans have becomed SELFISH.. that they view affairs as a countryman.. (i.e south korean).. the moment you hold a placard and go against your own gov.. you've place your own selfish judgement against that made by the gov... that itself is the weapon by which terrorism draws strength... if only someone can unite these people.. men like martin luther king... to wake them up to the reality of life... can there be hope for an absolute end to terrorism...

thouGht oF thE day:thE other anD the self.. who dEserveS to bE dEmarcaTed as whoM in thE waR of teRrorism?

dEminG
i am no poliTic lEader.. i am a thinkEr.. a feEler...

piCs takeN duRing ouTing wiTh thE J2s foR moi bDea


chiLling ouT aT thE arcaDe.. *whoA looK hoW focuSsed thEy are.. loLx*


gRp piC from weI lIanG's bdaE treAt.. thankZ alOT wL~!~!


ouR Vc moniCa anD her paRtneR daWn


loOk no hands!


sabOh-ed by my tEammatEs to danCe... *p.S i goT fiRst woR.. hEhez*


looK at thaT slEepy hEad.. loLx

dEminG
piCtureS... mEmorieS puT intO viSuaL foRms.. unForgetTabLe...

nopez.. its not another giordano ad... loLx.. was just thinking of a title for today's blog then i realised i spent the whole day in the constrain of my hometown.. SENG KANG loLx... well.. its just a nicer way of describing a day dedicated to SLACKING & SAVING.. =X last week spent alot... blink of an eye i spent like 100 dollars le.. sh*t... kinda envy some guys that always seem to have money to spend for things like pool... buffets... expensive food... just tagging along left me a big hole in my wallet le.. *soBz*

well today i woke up at 8am.. was waiting for my juniors to confirm with me what time they will be doing their training today.. wait till i fell asleep.. then i received a msg at 11am that said too little turned up so ask me dont need go down le... so i decided to do some revision at home then... hahaz.. was close to lunch so didn't really wanna study.. so i decided to play CALL OF DUTY loLx.. shit manz... its like 23 junE le and still i'm playing.. hahaz.. can't stand it... somEbody comE over anD slaP mE back to reality~~!~! aRrRr~~

but i DID do some studying today for my chem.. the most dreaded subject for me.. its like the more i revise the more boring it gets.. *blEAhz*... afterwhich i'm moving to maths then physics.. then bio... hAiz.. guess i will be screwing my mid years again... the more i thought.. the diff between the me during canoeing trainings and at studying.. it was quite distinct.. i enjoyed one.. and HATED the other.. loLx.. but the time i excelled at both came from a common point.. the EnjoymEnt of cOmpany.. yEpz.. though ppl say that i'm very motivaTing and seemingly disciplined guys.. its all thankz to the company of my frenz... ^___^ now hols... w/o them.. everything seems screwy.. loLx.. sh*t manz.. if only got gF.. hahaz.. can study everyday with no fail... loLx.. i'm soOOoO unmotivated lorz... =~~

anyways today i added more weights to my bar and my mom was like asking me to be careful.. i gave her a small lesson on weight training and realised how much i have changed.. i can still vaguely remember the me that never did a single tiring thing in my home in sec sch.. ever since i joined canoeing my whole lifestyle changed.. my home is now like my personal GYM and i have been teaching many people on how to stay fit.. from 1st months classmates,mY bEloveD junioRs, my famIly, mY ouTside acquAintaces etc..... the household chores i used to hate in the past seems FUN suddenly too!! it somewhat feels diff.. even just now as i looked at myself doing my strokes and weight in front of the mirror.. i looK different.. i just dont know how to describe.. hahAz.. maybe coz i'm mentally older ba? loLx.. is this the transition from fun youth to a whining adult? omG.. somEbody save mE!! hahaz

anyways tml got chem pract.. i havent even read up on my pract notes yet.. blEahz... just cant stand my notes leiz.. packed nicely.. then messed up when the maid comes along.. now its back to the junkyard so characteristic of my pig-sty room.. heHez... gives me a sense of warmth ya? hahaz.. now left 4 days to the end of holidays... i kinda look forward to school again... but i dread the exams.. coz i can predict a barrage of scoldings to come again.. but maybe i really need them.. and of coz my frenz to motivate me.. if only there was such thing as a study partner/mate... hahaz.. female onE of coZ.. wilL be so much more fun... hahAz.. oh yah horz.. i just tot of some candidates.. hEhez.. but she's from a diff college leiz.. wonder can notz... a lVl's hERe i coME!

thouGht of thE day: qns=> whY bloG?? ans=>no reasoN.. hahaz.. maybe its just a feeling that you want people to know more of how you feel and think?? hahaz.. coz i enjoy reading other ppl's blogs too.. get to know more about the person.. what do ya think? =]

dEminG
piMpLe fREe~!~!~! thankZ to a $25 eFfectiVe pimPle cream!! woohoo

today went down to kallang with some of moi J2s to do some paddling... today coz clibby wasn't coming and i woke up late.. i decided to instead spend time observing strokes... coz i was comparing strokes last nite b4 i slept.. then wondered many things like my current frequency etc... besides helping them start off for timings.. i managed to observe few schs.. esp ACS & HCJC.. then more or less try to formulate my own winning strokes.. hEhez... maybe when im free i'll write a manual on canoeing for the team from my own experiences.. so maybe year by year they add and add till the ultimate skill is achieved!! lolx... hEyz.. dont luFf woR.. hahaaz.. aLl great thinGS staRt with a daRIng dreaM ;) even so i still feel abit wasted.. coz its like though they did they laps relatively well.. they didn't have the slightest intention of reviewing what they did today... suffice to say.. to me its as good as blind paddling... everything i paddle i make the effort to think and learn... even so sadly my knowledge doesnt seem to reflect much on my speed.. haiZ.. does really brute strength win canoEIng medalS?? wherEs the belief i always had that canoeing is but a test of the mental will? am i that weaK???

after that we went to marine parade for lunch and to study at this big CC i always saw but didnt go into.. marine parade CC i think.. they had this big library with HEAVENLY air-conditioning.. hahaz... but then our original plan went foul coz the starbucks (both of them) was fully packed.. we even happened to chance upon several of our J1s studying there.. loLx.. so hardworkinG... jiA you woR.... then i learnt something interesting from weiliang.. hahAz.. don't pray play lEIz... reN bU kE maO xiaNg eh?? ^____^

after some discussion they decided to go back to parkway parade to study.. by then i was abit sianz le.. loLx.. i'm the only one who didn't change from the morning coz i didn't bring extra set of clothes.. then its like i kept on perspiring then chiLLinG at either a air con place or bus... the cycle just repeats so many times that it was kinda tempting on my temper.. besides i'm not really keen on moving on further in fear of losing all motivation to study.. so i decided to go back and study instead...

i made some good progress on the bus back yEpz.. hahaz... but then my discman like keep skipping tracks.. i dunno leiz... was thinking of sending for repairs.. then as jon said discmans are pretty cheap nowadays... hMmz.. what should i do??

thouGht oF the daY: iF you fEar youR aDversaRy b4 you mEet him on thE raCe lanEs.. yOu haVe alrEady loST the raCe...

dEminG
fEar noT youR compEtitoRs no maTter who thEy are... juST remEmbEr 1 thinG.. theY are thE enEmy.. anD thE oneS thaT bEcomE an obStaclE.. so i say "r*pe thEM!!!" =X

phew.. yesterday was our last sea training for the month.... the highlight of the day was when coach announced the races that we were assigned to... i and cliburn were sent for 1000m K2... at first i was alittle surprised.. becoz everyone in the team... even coach knows i and cliburn have 0% of winning in 1000m.. but it figures... coz we were the slowest pair around... it was subjective to what coach's intentions were... for the TEAM to win more points or for EVERYONE to get a chance to win... sounds the same doesn't it? it isn't....

as the captain of the team... i've been thru many experiences that really opened my eyes to the differences between the team.. and everybody... i have always pride myself as the leader of this team.. so much so that i've become emotionally, mentally and physically attached to the team... that is why many times when everyone ill performs.. i feel very upset and disapointed... becoz.. i FEEL as the team... the term "team" is just a name for a group of people.. and how that group of ppl portrays themselves reflects on the meaning of "team"... sounds difficult? it all makes sense to me now...

i'm really fortunate to have a very strong group of canoeists.. but everyone of us feels that even so the TEAM is not strong enough.. that is why i've always have this worry.. this nagging feeling that something that should be done that isn't done.. many times i tried various ways to put my feeling across.. this premonition of what is happening to the TEAM.. but EVERYONE didn't get the seriousness of it... that was to change yesterday...

after training yesterday.. we had a serious talk.. as ADULTS amongst the J2s.. i let them know my feelings i have buried within myself about the TEAM so long.. so as not to affect THEM... but it just aches so much to see that they might have become so accustomed for thinking of THEMSELVES that they forgot why we fight so hard in the first place... i wished everyone had abit in them to win for personal glory.. but i personally wish to win.. to bring GLORY to the team... but obviously from their response.. it was very disheartening to see that some of them never even put the team in mind.. all that was in their mind was to WIN for themselves

i've what i can.. i've said what i wanted... then marcus told me something that i've havent thought for for a long time... "why don't you start thinking for yourself?" in my JC life.. almost all of the unhappy experiences i encountered is during my roles as a leader.. especially in my CLASS issues.. and from the TEAM.. but still i enjoyed to lead and serve these people.. but just sometimes the enthusiasm is not reflected in their response.. then.. i really thought.. maybe its time that i let it go... loosen up... stop being such a caring leader.... and give some time for myself...

i feel alittle empty... coz i used to tell myself that i would only do so after i seen results.. that i've seen the group of people i lead leap up in shouts of joy...... i've sowed in tears for 1 and 1/2 years to see that moment.. i've always strived to work EXTRA hard to motivate others to be selfless as well... but too long has it been that the tears that dried me so has hardened my heart... with training suspended for 2-3 weeks.. its really time for me to throw away the me that has worked so hard for almost nothing.. and try to repair the holes in my heart for my sake

dEminG
do you think i'm selFish? or is the world selFish? is iT wrong to bE selFlesS? is therE no moRe seLfleSs peoplE lEFt in thE woRld?

oh yesh... if you get the meaning of attrition.. lolx.. sleeping really does WONDERS to pPL... =X i wokE up at 12pm and went online.. met marcus and was discussing abt the swim when fatigue got to me.. then i went back to the embrace of my bed.. for a "NAP" and ya.. i woke up at 3pm.. ^___^

hahaz.. with 3/5 the day gone.. i decided to go study... at first i tot of going bishan to study and get CALL OF DUTY to kill time.. loLx.. end up marcus happened to finish the swim(i was supposed to go to) and jio me go study at compass point.. he called me abt 4.. i went compass point at 4.30pm.. he got there at 6.30pm ----___----|| well he got lost in sengkang.. loLx.. lucky he didnt get stalked by gays again... but the wait wasn't too lonely.. there were SOOOO many SRJCians at BK... all coincidentally.. when i first got there.. i saw WAILING and some other councillors.. shes my ex-ogL mate.. hahaz.. chat about losta stuff.. turn around and i saw CALEB & CHARLYN... didn't wanna be light bulb.. went buy food.. walked back.. and saw KIAT LOONG KAI KIAN and WEE KEAT loLX~! what the.. they all claimed to saw me the moment i walked in.. lolx.. i better open my eyes more often.. think i too used to ignoring ppl's looks... erh... i'm attracting all sorts of attention except those i want lorz... =~~

on the bright sides of things.. i managed to do abit of studying for chem...at last begun on serious revision.. and the discman i thought was spoiled is alright again.. AMAZING!!! bad news: mid years begin next week.. i've got craving for a drink... and i didnt get MY GAME!!.. omG.... i also dunnoe its a good or bad day... loLx.. anyways now reading a new comic i bought called cRoss oVer.. quite interesting... hEhez.. its quite some time le.. about basketball one.. hahaz.. maybe coz the prezzie i bought for myself is a basketball shirt.. hahAz.. maybe stone ard abit then do some stick rowing b4 i sleep.. got training tml woR~!~! woOhOo~~~ pEacE ouT~~

dEMing
mUsiC => thE bloOD of enTertainmenT...

this morning.. was one of those VIOLENT mornings for me.. violent as in... in the bowels area.. oMg lorz.. think that piece of chEesy tobaScO syrup they made for me yesterday took effect.. loLx~! i got held back coz of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHOEA.. so i went a little late.. training went ok with power training and stick rowing... today i felt really tired.. maybe coz of the outing yesterday.. so i couldn't really speak well for moi debriefing *soRry canoEisTS~~*

after training.. (was our last land training for the season).. wei lun came out of the blue and started telling me about all his observations again... as more of the guys joined in.. i just sat down and listened to all their feelings towards the direction of the team.. and as far as i know.. ITS NOT GOOD... yes.. our paddling is improving.. our potential is rising.. but the team might well die off in a few years time... and unfortunately.. it is partly becoz of ME.. throughout many times in this year.. i have already spotted trends of SELFISHNESS, STUBBORNESS, SLACKEN-ED ATTITUDE and LACK OF FOCUS.. many times i gave hints and talked to the team.. but sadly.. i haf to say.. its the J2s that are very bad examples... what the J1s are fully reflect on what we are to them... and THAT HAS TO CHANGE.. i asked myself many questions: what did i do or not do to my batch of team that they lack the discipline self-motivation and focus to train? and i found it solely in my policy to ACCOMPLISH without punishment... sadly.. i must say.. after 1 and 1/2 years.. it has FAILED.. the J2s has many times lost direction in their training... and becoz most of the time.. my effort to push for motivation is STILL ONE-SIDED no matter how good my exco intentions are... it isn't good enough...

i got really jumbled up and mixed up with what I can do with the remaining time.. and above all else how can i change their mindset that i have not been able to put across for almost 2 years... it is really sad to see my team so full of potential waste it due to my lack of GOOD JUDGEMENT... haiz.. i havent found the answer yet.. but i still continued with my life.. after lunch we went to finish up the CANOEING WALL and YES its COMPLETED~!~! wooHoo.. chEerz to maRcus anD moi foR our haRd woRk.. anD of coz the conTribution oF alL thoSE that hELped~!~ its finally completed as one of the most effortful and striking walls in SRJC!!!!

today became quite a day for me too.. being a day after my bdae.. i received 3 gifts~~ first was from my J2s thankZ aloT for getting the slEevelEss shiRt again.. its really not needed.. but truly your determination moved me.. thANkz alOT!!... 2nd was a caRd anD runninG shirt that my BACHELOR CLUB bought for me.. hahaz.. was touched that these frenz that i have so little time with becoz of my committments still spent time and effort to get a gift for me.. thankz a million!!.. last and not least.. i got a card from xunbin... she was writing pretty generally like representing the J1s.. its nice to hear how my efforts aren't overlooked by my juniors i've grown so much to love... thankZ aLot~!~! as i said materialistic possession isn't my ultimate goal.. but i still keep the presents that my frenz gave me.. (cards from last year xmaS.. new year etc.. ;shirts for my bdaE) all i keep fondly for them bring back great memories with the guys who bought me the presents.. once again... THANK YOU!!

at night a small grp of us went for dinner that WEILIANG treated us to coz of his bdae... it was fun and VERY FILLING.. but if were weiliang.. i wouldn't be as gracious and good-mood as him.. many times i think that i've grewn more temperament and more sturborn nowadays... and i'm not the only one.. almost all the J2 guys are becoming so... Liang Kiat.. i always respected him as a PTI.. thats why i always considered his views seriously.. but of late he has become very very complacent and bad-mannered... frankly speaking i see more and more of one who only wants things his way... he doesn't give a damn about how others feel unless it benefits him... he was so comfortably pushing treats onto weiliang to treat us so as to bring us around.. for GOD'S SAKE its to commemorate WEILIANG'S BIRTHDAY CAN??? it almost seems like he owes us a living!! i wouldn't wish to comment on his social relationships.. but his relationship with the team has deteriorated alot recently.. as a PTI he has lost focus and thus dragged others down as well with him.... but yet.. i STILL RESPECT him as much as he respects me... that is why i dont scold him outright nor argue with him openly.. but its time i really have to have a talk with him... being the only one in the team he efforts to listen.. i hope sometime will come about from our little converstaion... WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT

as i said i've gotten more and more easily irritated... and a point that i took note was that my team has a huge variety of colourful personalities.. that i ENJOY working with... but all share almost one thing in common now... they are all STUBBORN.. sometimes the J2s make comments without thinking abt the consequences... they just want things to work their way.. COMPROMISE literally doesn't exist... training times i can't say much.. but i feel.. its really the flaw in the CHARACTER that makes it so hard for me to effect well on this team... with this saturday being my last session before the exam breaks.. i intend to make one final impact on the team as a whole... the means by which.. i will have to decide... but if you took time to place yourself in my shoes... my DREAM of a good team with 0 punishment has failed... and i'm sure the J2s can see it too.. they just choose to close their eyes to it or wait for me to do sometime.. so.... its time... i woke them up...

dEming
thinGs happEn thaT chanGed me... iTs timE i took thinGs into controL... foR thE gooD oF aLl..

wooHoO~~ woke up today full of ENERGY and was early.. i received a few more smS from my frenz.. fabby, huina, beng, amos, edwin(thankz aloT!!!).. i was really looking forward to the time triaL~~ but today wasn't a very good start of my day... 1: bao fang kinda shot attitude bullets at me in the morning just coz i overlooked borrowing a video cam.. frankly speaking i knew it was my fault.. but still the way she diss-ed me off made me very F***-ed up... 2. clIbBy iLL perfORmed duRIng ouR 1000m and first 2 500m laps... coz we didnt get our preferred boat and race.... made me feel like just giving up on canoeing...3.COACH... 3(a) he didnt specify how many laps we were supposed to go.. then he came to scold us claiming he told everyone.. then later he targetted the CAPTAIN putting the blame on me... 3(b)when clibby and i cap-ed on our 2nd lap.. i was already damn F****-ed up.. somemore when i go see COACH he dissed me off thinking i was trying to keep my boat.... F***!!

as you can see today started off in a VERY BAD WAY... but well... 1. shE became more frenly later half of the day.. so i just chose to forget the dreadful piss-me-off session... 2. sometimes i really dont feel like talking to cliburn... sometimes not becoz i wanna dao him.. just that sometimes i am afraid i'll just scold the sh*t out of him.. i dont claim to be all mighty.. but still many points i point out to him.. sometimes he justs forgets it.. sometimes he doesn't even put in effort... so i get really disappointed when we lose out to lK and the others.. its so SHAMEFUL hearing them talk abt how good our laps while i can just put my head down in defeat.. but during our last 2 laps of 500m.. he went all out.. and though it wasn't our best lap.. i was more cheery by his effort... ^__^... for 3. hAIZ.. he is UNFORGIVABLE i just HATE him lorz.. today i was so pissed off with him i wanted to BEAT the living hell out of him... thankz to my guyS (kz wants me to call the J2s "guys") i reduced my anger to just mere vulgarities.. i HOPE he heaRD! BIAtch~!

loLx... so much for being all grumpy and all... but gotta say i really love my team.. lolx.. they did the usual hang oscillating bdae cerebration style till i can see the team tripled.. >.< the J1s were also very warm.. Qq & zX talked to me while i was upset over my laps... the J1s also took turns to wish me happy bdae.. =] but most of all.. i still adore the GUYS.. loLx.. early in the morning ZHEN HAO gave me this card.. loLx.. its HARRY POTTER omG.. loLx.. but still i really appreciate the time he took to write the card for me... thanKZ aloT zhEn hAO~!~!! but some "presents" i dont really like lar.. loLx.. tmD... xun bin ar.. took me for some stress reliver.. punching and slapping me like some crazed b*tch.. later liang kiat even joined in lorZ! tmD.. DAMN PAIN... and they were like ENJOYING THEMSELVES in my pain.. blEahz...

later i had lunch with lh, darren,wl and lk... hahaz.. wL and lK were like laming.. trying to recommend me to lH.. o.O abit out of the blue lar.. loLx.. think they too happy with time trials le.. lH and i got back at like 4.30pm when we were supposed to meet at 5pm.. loLx.. so we were LATE lar.. but luckily.. everyone was late.. EXCEPT DAWN who was there at 5pm sharp.. pooR thinG... loLx.. wL met me on the train and we saw monica and amanda who said they'll be late.. we purposely sent a msg then make us sound pissed waiting for them.. then we hurried up the train and they didn't see it and completely fell for our act.. loLX ^5 wL~!

weilun hao yi and cibby didnt go.. coz they weren't feeling well.. gotta say i was alittle dissapointed.. was hoping the whole J2 team could make it... we did some shopping at wismA aTria and looked ard a little for prom clothes.. really envy the WOMEN they have so much choice for prom while guys fashion is sooooooooo limited.. blEahz.. marRiott hotel was really classy.. but the prob was it didn't really welcome us much... so we took the implied hint and scrapped the idea of a desert buffet there.. we went to pasta mania to eat.. and our dear lianG kiat made somE POISIONOUS concoctment for me as a bdae boy thingy(contains cheese.. LOTSA TOBASCO.. salT.. rEd CHILLI.. pEppER... etc etc) .. omG lorz.. it was SICK!!! i completely lost my sense of taste for like 10min lorz... hahaz...

we went over to the arcade later and cineleisure.. there we relived our youth... kian zi weiliang liang kiat marcus jon and me were actively chionging games like dayTOna.. tyokO waR(tank game) while mon manda and darren patiently waited for us... lH adeline and zhen hao left earlier.. maybe coz they weren't too keen for arcade.. loLx.. they even saboh me for a PARA PARA game.. which i dislike most.. loLx.. but since they already paid for it.. i gave it a shot.. and i got FIRST on the score table.. lolx.. so much foR mE... ^__^ starbucks was the last destination where weiliang got me a slice of cake and they happily sang a loud bdaE sonG AGAIN but this time i got to make a wish.. lolx.. being in the presence of such great ppl.. that wish came from the bottom of my heart.. and it was for them.. hehez.. about what.. i'll leave for them to guess... =p

well.. theoretically speaking.. i received a few presents today.. loLx.. first was from ZHEN HAO~~ thankZ again!! 2nd was from QQ.. loLx.. who "GAVE" me a caP.. o.O... 3rd was from weilianG... but he misplaced it at the arcade.. he only told me as we were going back.. he seemed pretty sad.. though i was alittle dissapointed.. i was happy enough for the thought.. hahaz.. frankly speaking on my trip back along.. i was scolding myself... i saw myself as being so MATERIALISTIC.. coz throughout in my jC life.. i bought aloT of prEzzies for ppl.. but received literally none in return.. but then i thought thru the days event again.. i HATED myself... for i forgot to see a gift i haf received all this 18 years of my life... that i have reaffirmed today... FRIENDSHIP from my team... many times i wonder why they accept me.. joke with me... invite me out... frankly speaking i find myself very DULL and BORING.. i can't even engage in lively conversations... but still they accomodate and be frenly to me... sometimes they piss me off.. diss me off.. but as i thought thru.. i really THANKED GOD for these great frenz i have.. for the time they spent for me... for the true person they are... i felt this sense of fulfilment.. that even if i die-ed tommorow.. i would die WITHOUT REGRETS... becoz.. i feel so attached to these people that has become and will ALWAYS be part of my life... no matter how twisted they may be... they have formed this attachment to my life... for that.. i am really really VERY GRATEFUL... thAnk you guyS aloT!!!

dEminG
thaT iS why i made suCh a tiTle... today haS been likE a sumMAry of my fEelings thRoughouT my liFE.. all in thiS onE day... it brinGs sWeet and biTter meMoriEs... that makes one wisH to makE moRe mEmoriES tMl anD the daYS henCefoRth...

gD moRninG~~! lolx.. wokE up at 11am today.. for once wake up late for the last few days... actually met fabby in the morning online.. then wanted go his house pay a visit coz he's down with alot of ailments.. but then he like so cold then also gabby didn't wanna go.. so i scrapped the idea.. so my attention went back to painting the CANOEING wall..

i went back to sch there.. wanted to alight at sch and eat.. but this young woman sleeping so soundly next to me i didn't had the heart to wake her up... loLx~! so i got off near the maybank.. one stop after the sch.. i dropped by this porridge shop and tried it.. i bought 3 dishes and it amounted to like 7++ dollars... WTF!! loLx.. ouch.. and i tot i would save money from not eating at fast food.. but it was pretty sumptous.. there was enough meat for 2 bowls of porridge.. hEHez.. at least i had my fill... ^__^

just as i got to sch.. POK jio me go buy paint again.. this time the aunty see us also familar le.. after we bought the white paint we had lunch and i bought drinks back for xun bin... when we got back DawN was waiting for us le... few hours later darren joined us.. today we finally painted the abstract canoe section... it was orange.. i did most of the touching up with the small brush.. lolx.. now my whole shoulders and back is aching lor.. but at least im pretty sastified coz that wall is like 90% complete~~ WOOHOO~!~! didn't bring a cam so i didn't take any pics.. but anGela took some for me.. hahaz.. first to wish me happy bdae in person~~ *apPlausE* thankZ for rememberinG~~ ^__^ talking abt angela.. today as we were painting the councillors were also painting theirs.. lolx.. BTH i tell you.. they are DAMN noisy... first they were talking LOUDLY.. then SINGING (no matter how nice.. PLS DONT SING!!).. and the J1 male councillors were like slanging so much i would mistake them for some western pimp.. loLx.. aiya.. pardon the irritation.. when you're working so hard and so long.. (1-8pm) its understandable to let off some gas towards gays rite? loLx..

later went to MOS BURGER at compass point with pok and darren for dinner... we were studying then the ,according to marcus, the staff blared the music in a bid to chase us out.. loLx.. but it proved useless.. hEhez... wah then walked in this 2 HOT babes.. loLx.. marcus offered to ask no. for me leiz.. but i thought see nice only.. cannot jio.. loLx.. not good asking for no. from complete strangers mahz... but it wouldn't be so if it was the other way round ^________^

phew.. tml is my TIME TRIAL.. abit kan jiong lar.. feel all the adrenaline pumping in me.. coz my pair used to be the slowest K2 rowers.. but last training we improved tremendously.. so i'm pretty excited to pit ourselves against the rest again in a showdown race.. hEhez.. may the fastest wIN!! oh.. and i'm gonna be 18 tomMOrrow~~ hahaz.. mayBe i should go clubBing? hEhez... cHeerioZ~!

dEminG
finaLly... a age-rendered MAN =p

hmmz.. today last cardio land training for this month le... so did abit more lar.. but in view of our time trials this wed.. i reduced the intensity so that they can have more energy by wed.. we just went for 2.4km and some muscle endurance circuits... and not forgetting stick rowing.. the more stick rowing i do.. the more i feel that i'm improving.. ever since i viewed the olympic vid.. i become rather motivated to chiong my standard as well.. hahaz.. then during stick rowing at the gallery i like abit HIGH lidat.. pia and shout like siao.. =p

after training i went to check on the CLASS WALL.. then today ar... the other way round.. this time its all the guys from 2S05.. but still they only had 8 pEepz.. loLx.. worst than ours sia.. fabby was sick then kiat loong like forget abt the wall.. the rest TCMI laysee and co. helped to decide on a change on layout.. its all left to our only artistic person amongst the 2 classes... HUi yinG... hahaz... pasted their tiles then i went for lunch... went kovan alone then wanted go kopitiam.. but passed by DELIFRANCE then the smell so pungent.. with my wallet topped up.. i succumbed to temptation.. hahaz.. but the rice gratin was below my expectation lar.. not value for money.. =p

then "fortunately" met up with my teammates.. "" coz weiliang was up to his gay antics again.. blEahz.. can't stand him nowadays... anyways we went shopping then i bought myself a new WATER BOTTLE~~ woOhOo.. 1litre leiz.. dont pray pray... went back to sch to paint the CANOEING wall... was quite fun coz this time had more ppl ard... lk was happily engaged in serious business.. but he's quite a good painter.. ^__^ darren monika kian zi weiliang marcus and sharon were helping out too.. i left a little early... but not w/o taking pics.. hEhez..

left a little early to dress up then left for BISHAN... objective: go to WHY PAY MORE to buy a running shirt for my dad for FATHER'S DAY.. but when i got there disappointed leiz.. got so much discounts.. but no discounts for the new and nicer ones... bleahZ.. even more ex than world of sports i saw today.. so as not to waste the trip i went to the S-11 nearby to haf a $2.50 chiCken riCE.. loLx.. it feels good to pay just 2 or 2.50 for meals nowadays lorz.. living in SENGKANG SUX all ex and not good.. blEahz.. but then was pretty early so i took a train to amK.. w/o forgetting to buy a packet of my fav TORI-Q~~.. hEhez

amk still the same old amk i know.. just a few new shops here and there.. went to the SPORTSLINK and found a singlet for my dad from BROOKES.. material was better and cheaper than NIKE... blEahz.. pay for the tick.. hahaz... then i count nicely i just had enuff money to buy this sleeveless shirt i saw the other time i was there... somemore had discount.. so within 24hrs i emptied my wallet again.. loLx.. die le.. its just MONDAY... omG.. gotta save on my expanses... otherwise will nv be able to buy a car.. lolx.. so cool lorz... give rides to frenz.. hEhez.. =X don'T worry.. sooner or later.... TIME WILL TELL


waT yA lookinG aT? nv sEe cRysTaL jadE quALity b4 aR?


thE waLl oF hopE



haRd aT woRk


my nEw boTtlE~!


lookS zAI? look again.. thEY're juST ACTING for a poSE.. loLx


blaCk anD whiTe

dEminG
yEah~~ goT myselF my oWn pRezzIEs lE.. hAhaz... noW's lEFt to sEe whaT i miGHt recEive b4 aRmy.. =]

yeaH today just slacked the day off... got 2 ang baos from my mom & aunt for my bdaE~... coz i going out with my team this wed so my parents decided to cerebrate it today.. ^__^ we went to TAKASHIMAYA for dinner... and we went to the CRYSTAL JADE RESTAURANT woOo.. the menu was sooooo bombastic.. i didn't even know what to pick~~ >.< so my mom picked the dishes lar.. quite zai leiz.. wear suits.. keep changing dishes... cool serving style.. (esp the peking duck) abit sad leiz.. they cut the skin only from the whole duck then they pushed the rest of the duck (full of MEAT) away.. =~~

overall the food was nice and filling... but personally i still prefer those kopitiAM seafood one.. more delicious and cheaper.. the whole bill amounted to $280 dollars.. (ouCh).. so was like 55 dollars per pax lidat... loved the dessert though.. hEhez... my dad offered to buy me a shirt.. so i went to GUESS coz they had this 50% off... but sadly.. the clothes that were on offer were very limited and kinda sucked.. i saw one pretty nice.. but it had this big fat tag NETT and labelled $105.. ouCh.. but still i went to try it out.. hEhez... since they price it so high.. they wouldn't mind ppl just trying out ya.. hahaz.. it was ok lar.. but alittle too long for the smallest size.. *soBz*...

went around buying some FOOD.. i always loved taka.. coz of the B2 fooD section.. had TORI-Q.. octopus bAlls.. crEam puFfs.. but ar.. TMD i went there "just in time" to help them pack up.. loLx.. all closed sharp at nine lorz.. so sad.. went back a little dissapointed.. then i saw CRYSTAL JADE CAKERY 30% off~! loLx.. so i pia like everyone else and took as many as i can till my mom ask me pay myself.. =X so er... i lightened my load.. hEhez...

on my way back... i kana bio by this quite chio gaL.. she wearing some t-shirt... orientation something lidat.. maybe poly one leiz.. hahaz... recently until my fren mentioned.. i realised SOMETIMES i attract stares.. loLx.. its like not just 2nd glance leiz.. that ger like "ga ga" keep looking at me... sit afar also look... *scarY*.. hahaz.. but i don't think i'm good looking leiz.. maybe just coz i'm rather tanned lar.. =p anyways just see only cannot touch or buy woR~~ ^___^ sometimes i also attract the WRONG kinda attention... *bBrRrrrR* (coLD winD blowS)... thank god i aint as "LUCKY" as moi fren who got stalked by a GAY hAhahaz.. goD blEss him man~!

dEminG
thANkz for thE trEat mom anD daD~~ just so happens fathEr's day is on my bdAe too.. bEtter buy somethiNg biG for my daD too.. =D

on request i went looking on the web for the record for women's K... since i found most of it.. here's the timings... (and yes CANOEISTS dont drool..)

MEN'S
Kayak Single 500 Metres
1992 Mikko Kolehmainen FIN 1.40.34

Kayak Double 500 Metres
1992 GER 1.28.27

Kayak Single 1000 Metres
1992 Clint Robinson AUS 3.37.26

Kayak Double 1000 Metres
1992 GER 3.16.10

Kayak Fours 1000 Metres
1992 GER 2.54.18

WOMEN'S
Kayak Single 500 Metres
1992 Birgit Scmidt GER 1.51.60

Kayak Double 500 Metres
1992 GER 1.40.29

Kayak Fours 500 Metres
1992 HUN 1.38.32

yeah guys... think ACS is fast? this is the world standard... phEw.... erh.. go reflect shall we? loLx.. and yepz.. the timings improve by the years... apparently the latest i got from the webby is 1992.. who knows the timing for 1996 and 2000? and are we are in luck? ATHENS 2004 is coming this year.. do catch it!



dEminG
canoEing~!~!~

hEyz pEepz.. miSsed mE? hahaz..recently been bumming alot... today sea training as usual lar... but today's training was GREAT!! hahaz.. today my organisation was much more systematic.. cleaning up was quick.. and best of all.. OUR LAPS WERE GOOD!!... wah.. dunnoe how clibby suddenly kana enlightened.. hahaz... i spent alot of effort talking to him abt his strokes.. in preparation for our time trials this coming wednesday.. coz its like an internal race compeition.. so we really wanna put in our best.. for once i can really feel the GLIDE throughout the 500m laps that i yearned for so much... its like ever since i joined canoeing i really noticed the physics of MOTION.. factors like frequency... power.... air time... etc etc.. i became my own coach and researched on what was the best.. finally there's some fruits!! also clibby is more motivated than usual today.. so i also enthu enthu chiong with him.. shows that we aren't that slow also woR~!~! TIME TRIALS~~ hEre we coME~!

last few days i was involved in the painting of 2 WALLS OF HOPE.. yepz.. the CANOEING & CLASS wall.. esp on friday.. wah i was double teaming.. hahaz.. doing two walls at one time.. one side i met up with donghai, hua xiang, kiat loong, jun kok, fabby, pao chern and some gals that didnt stay for long.. was finally putting up the tiles for the class wall... got about 8-10 tiles up so far.. on the other hand.. at the canoeing wall i was working with MARCUS painting the car parks and the black tiles for the design... not bad lar.. think i made quite an achievement.. hahaz.. felt quite proud of myself.. coz i felt VERY HARDWORKING... working hard with no complains under the hot temperature... hahaz.. but makes me pissed to think that i work so hard while others slack or go out shopping.. blEahZ...

yeaH~~ abiT haiR-pEe these few dayS.. dunnoE why.. think coZ my bdAe cominG le.. hahAz.. then my tEam jio mE ouT for a HOTEL CAKE BUFFET for my bdaE~~ swEeeEt sTuFf... think like first time ppl plan my bdae party for me for a change.. don't think my class will jio me out also lar.. loLx.. think they too used to me planning stuff le.. =p well i just decided to give myself a break and just relax... many times my parents scold me for buying prezzies for ppl yet getting so little back in return.. well the TIME OF RECKONING has arrived... 18th bdae.. hEhez.. gonna go with fabby hao yi aNd maybe pao paO go get somE dRInkz.. hahaz.. VODKA MUDSHAKE~~ 4 dayS to go!

dEminG
a cERebraTIOn oF onE's eXisTanCe.. thE fEeling oF appReciation liKE no oTher.. on thiS 1 daY..

hEyz heyz.. somE pics from the TJC concert i went.. the colours are so brilliant that my cam couldn't really catch it coz no FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY was allowed.. so the photos aren't too good.. but the vids i took were good.. esp the breakdance one.. hahaz.. maybe i put in my class e grps.. let alvin and co. check it out... =]


OtheR thaN thE TJC moDern danCe alsO feaTured JCs likE SAJC, RJC..


thE SRJC daNCe tEAm thaT impRessEd mE~~ gReaT job BlazE~!!! you guYS roCK!


hAhaz.. can you guEss who'S thaT romaNtiC grEat danceR? hE's SUMAN~~ (frOm my pE gRP)...

dEminG
2 guyS in thE teaM niA? hMmz.. iF only... hahaz.. there miGht haf bEen 3~~ ^__^

wah today supposed to go to sch at 9am to meet marcus to start drawing out the CANOEING WALL.. its located at the ramp next to the "aquarium"... its like the BIGGEST area we've got there lorz.. it includes not only the wall at the ramp.. but the stone area plus the wall along the stone area... loLx.. but as i said.. i SUPPOSED.. hahaz.. i got there at 10.30am instead.. and NO ONE was there.. hahaz.. i breathed a sigh of relief.. then marcus and MONIKA came short after..

while i was waiting for them.. i noticed alot of teachers ard.. they were having some TEACHER'S CONFERENCE in sr... MR OU had a chat with me.. giving me ideas on the wall and the stone grounds... actually most of the students always very DISRESPECTFUL to him leiz.. say he irritating.. but frankly speaking i find he's very good lorz.. every time i ask him for things he very enthu to lend me.. sometimes he free also come chat with us.. though his frequency abit diff from us.. but still you guys shouldn't be so mean to him leiz.. he's trying to be frenly with you guys.. you all still make fun of him.. hMmz

when marcus finally came we decided to clean off the drawings they made yesterday coz it was too ELONGATED and ugly.. so i borrowed pails and sponges from mr ou.. and started SCURBBING the wall like monica quoted "maria" working wasn't too bad.. the weather was hot.. can tahan... to clean must squat down... can tahan... see LIANG KIAT slacking... i CANNOT TAHAN loLx.. explains too.. marcus also quite pissed with him ar.. everytime we do this kinda thing ar.. lk always sit one side talking cock or fooling ard with monica(poor gurl).. not the most helpful guy ar...

then dunnoe how they talk until talk abt MEN'S HEALTH magazine's article.. they said that a survey showed 79.8% of gals masturbate... loLx.. then the topic turned huang.. hahaz.. poor monica was so curious HOW.. o.O we were like drawing grids for reference.. then lunch time the TEACHER'S CONFERENCE had BUFFET!! woOHoo.. hahaz.. when they left.. the vultures striked (of coz with mr ou's consent~~ ^__^) FREE LUNCH!! wooHoo.. not bad sia... makes the work worthwhile...

after that lk monica and weiliang all go library dunnoe do what.. heard that they were SLEEPING.. kAoz.. meanwhile i was helping out marcus to finally sketch out the design for the wall... gotta say i love marcus' art lorz.. hahaz.. coz his kinda wave-fire thing is what i always wanted to try drawing on my own... unfortunately think i can nv reach that level... =~~ but gotta say we worked better and faster WITHOUT the other ppl.. they ard also make us pissed coz they slacking while we working so hard.. hahaz.. dunnoe lar.. they like dont feel guilty when they dont do anything as others are busy working... hAiz.. guess its in their mentality le bah... SELFISH?... at least it doesn't show during trainings that much lar.. =
then i messaged my class ppl.. gonna finish up with my CLASS WALL as well by this week.. arranged to meet them on friday.. actually just need put on tiles.. but ar.. the 2pid CIP ppL accidentally smeared on our wall leaving a mark.. tmD.. think gotta paint over le.. stupid ppL... think i thursday go down paint over and draw grids b4 the others come to put their tiles up on friday lar... but then ar... REVISION HOW?? ---_____---|||

thouGht oF thE daY:SRJC actually very nice always let us eat the buffet.. but dont so THICK-SKINNED leiz.. keep eating the breakfast.. lunch.. then HIGH TEA somemore... loLx..

dEminG
bEing sO haRdwoRking whiLe otheR's slaCk... anD eaRn saMe rEcogniTIon?? wtH riTe?

hmmz.. had a weird dream.... not a WET DREAM kz guys.. loLx.. well.. i don't really recall how the dream went.. all i remember there was this gal in my dream... wasn't someone i knew.. but i felt that i've known her for so long... on this plain of grass facing his blue sky... talking abt some stuff (can't remember)... then somehow our fingers accidentally meet... then she like grasped my hand and smiled... though its a dream.. i kinda really remember it coz it felt warM and i felt really happy... hmmZ... weird eH?

anyways today i went to gym with vincent and kaijie... then happened to meet up with CLIBURN hahaz. was surprised.. coz i tot he normally wouldn't come gym on his own.. hahaz.. but he quite chiong leiz.. can see his strength is impoving judging from the weights he carries.. but i didn't had any food b4 gym this time and i felt kinda weak.. =\ but still i managed to do 3 sets of stations... again my arm got this sudden pain when i was using the com at home... =/

you know ar.. SRJC got its own FORUM hahaz.. kinda surprised coz i sent an email to the webadmin of the website like 5 months ago suggesting a forum.. its kinda cool they actually did one.. hahaz.. no mention of me.. but of coz credit goes to the CBLC for setting it up.. but then ar.. abit sad lorz.. ALL GUYS lidat.. somemore the guys that actually post there are like the nerdy boring types.. bLeahZ.. we need TALENT manz... hahaz.. or maybe an IDOL?

dEMinG
wOuLd i dReaM abouT heR agaIN?

liew... today woke up at 5am lidat.. coz heard some noises.. thought is time to wake up.. then saw lotsa bright flashes of light.. its was RAINING!! omG lorz.. so long nv rain in the morning le.. but still i went for training.. then was DAMN LOW TIDE and there was floating DEBRIS everywhere lar.. so tmd irritating.. not only the boat pick up all that shit.. somemore like stuck onto our rudder... coupled with the FREEZING rainwater on the surface.. paddling in the morning was such a chore lorz...

later in the afternoon coz clibby left early.. i managed to paddle abit with ZHEN HAO.. wah.. no wonder they like idolise him (not his voice).. hahaz.. i sit behind him ar.. his strokes like DAMN SHUN... i can feel the glide was sooooooooooooooooooo smooth lorz... ^___^ soooooo pro... =~~ i must learn from him!! hahaz.. while i fix my own problems too... cant let him win all the time ya? ;)
then this afternoon huina msged me and got me ANOTHER TICKET i was like damn f*** le.. loLx.. coz like may couldn't go then i nvm... at least just waste one ticket.. then she got another i was damn sianz lorz.. haha.. so i tried jio-ing AMOS and FABBY again.. and they rejected again lar.. coz of some ophir trip.. need to rest.. but amos kinda pissed me off lar.. say wanna rest i can understand... he say he SIAN then his voice also damn SIAN.. then dont wanna go out.. loLx.. what the.. normally ppl sian is go out one right?? *bluRz* at first can't stand his dreamily bastardy behaviour.. but then i thought he's just tired lar.. hahaz..

anyways i ciaoz quickly from KALLANG and went home to change.. tot i gonna be late.. then luckily huina managed to sell off that 3rd ticket she got for me.. so my mood changed for the better.. i got to TJC at like 7.20am.. just in time ya.. heNgz.. the place hasn't changed abit since i last came during the 2002 open house... loLx.. can see got 2 diff areas one.. one like those kinda old PRIMARY SCH age building.. then got the newer blocks and a sWeEeEt auditorium.. at first i abit sian... coz i alone.. then saw JEREMY, LOw YANG and andRew there.. but no seats ar.. overall the show was an eye opener.. though some artistic themes were UNCOMPREHENSIBLE for my calibre.. i enjoyed the HIP HOP performance by our sch (wilLY!!!), a bReakdance crew calLed FUYO and this NUS dance team that put up some ballet type turkish dance when the guy turned about the spot at least 100 TIMES.. no kidding!! and he still can walk straight after the whole thing!! *apPlauSe*.. hahaz..

now my dancing hormones activated again.. really impressed by this new genre of dance for me MODERN DANCE got this kinda mix of contemporary + artistic flair in it.. but there were like DOMINATED by female dancers.. barely 2 guys on the average per team... but when i see the kinda GLAMOUR and CLASS of the male dancers.. i kinda fondly recalled my memories of my scouting days.. i used to DANCE for CAMPFIRES like monthly.. hahaz.. in front of like 200 scouts & guides each time... the joy of dancing to the beat as people cheer you on is simply exhiliterating!! hahaz.. I LOVE TO DANCE!!.. and i can't wait to hit the breakdance floor again.. hahaz.. maybe i can go look for FUYO then ask can join next time notz.. ^__^

thouGht oF thE daY: is iT tradition tO give floWErs to DAncers? but still the gaLs are so childish lorz.. see the turkish dance guy twirl for like 100 rounds in a skirt then keep laughing.. btH...

dEMinG
*dUp duP duPA dup duP*... *1..2...3...4....5....6..7...8....2...2....3....4...5....6...7...8...*

hahaz today feel abit guilty.. think i got my holidays sleepy germs le.. hahaz.. i woke up to off my alarm at 7.30.. then slept till 9.30 till the air was still le.. loLx..felt damn sian.. so i went to my bro's com and played WARCRAFT 3!!!.. hahaz.. i ain't as rusty as i thought i would be though.. hahaz.. coz everytime see my bro play until so noobs.. so i try abit.. manz.. given the chance i'll just thrash him flat lorz.. hAhaz..

then was abt to leave to meet MARCUS for a swim.. then it rained.. tmD.. loLx.. so i was FORCED to play more WC3 then i made instant noodles for lunch.. (officially broke at the moment).. after the rain stopped i went to raid my piggy bank.. took enough coins for the pool entrance fee (50 cents).. hahaz.. damn it feels good to be thrifty... (although its coz of excessive spending.. >.<)

had a good time swimming with pok hahaz... though seems lonely for 2 STRAIGHT guys to be swimming.. we like talking abt anything under the sun.. he taught me some useful tips on how to swim faster... fixed my strokes here and there... hahaz.. then he taught me some basics for BUTTERFLY.. i'm gonna aim to learn that soon!! heHEz... but he swim RELATIVELY fast lorz.. always i start first he still overtake me.. sObz... would have been much more boring if i was swimming alone lorz.. hEhez..after a short break.. the SUN CAME OUT!! woohOo.. and was it hot or what.. hahaz.. so marcus took his HARRY POTTER book and started reading while i put on moi suntan spray and slept.. hahaz.. FINALLY MANAGED TO TAN MY BELLY hahaz.. seems the bra line is disappearing abit.. but still.. when i was about to flip sides.. DARK CLOUDS went past.. so now.. i'm pretty much a two tonned guy... pale back.. tanned front.. oUch..

after that i went to sch... seriously.. i dont know why.. hahaz.. i just felt this compelling urge to go to sch.. saw JOSHUA and some ruggers fooling ard on the field.. not what i would call serious training though.. then WX, leb lEb and alvin were hard at work building the GATEWAY for their rovers campfire tml night.. called RETRO omG.. see their opening item ar.. i really worry about the enthu level manz.. even the 3 of them agree the first item is a total TURN OFF.. the world needs good dancers.. NOW!! anyways.. i was in sch coz i wanted to check out the art exhibition.. kinda sian.. coz i 1 person.. then mr larry wong like so f-ed up look lidat.. hahaz.. i'm not much of an arts enthusiast.. but i once considered of being a MANGA ARTIST so i kinda appreciate the hard work of artists.. can say some are really impressive while others are average.. later i met WILLY in his usual ragged style at the canteen sleeping.. heard he just ended a DANCE CAMP and he was 1 guy surrounded by like 10 gals? loLx.. he was sharing some mud jokes with them.. and they shared PERVETED jokes with him.. aRha!! tolD you galS aren'T that inNOcent afterall.. they're just as perverse as GUYS.. they just claim that they're not.. hahaz

after that i went to HOUGANG POINT and for a change i met up with marcus again to study at COFFEE BEAN thank god they accept cashcard.. i managed to get a MALIBU DREAM (i luv it!) and did some bio TYs.. they have this offer of 50% off cakes during weekdays after 6pm.. was kinda cool.. maybe i'll chiong it another time.. meanwhile i still gotta get my tix from hn for tml's dance performance at TJC.. hahaz.. tried jio-ing fabby amos and benji.. but all like not interested.. but i managed to get may interested and xue ying alittle interested.. still waiting for reply leiz.. hahaz.. don't wanna go alone.. might be a good opportunity to catch up with my godsis le.. too long nv see.. hEhez.. cyAz pEepZ!

dEminG
tml's gonNA be a fULl day agAin.. *what shoulD i wEar?? hmMz*

hey heyz.. didn't blog yesterday.. coz i only got back TODAY at 1am this morning.. hahaz.. yeah.. but vesak day was good for me... training was finally prodcutive.. maybe its coz of the currents.. but i felt that yesterday i and clibby were putting alot of effort.. usually we lag behind the other pairs alot.. but we finally gave them a run for their money! =] we even hit our P.B for 1000m at last... it feels good to be know that you're travelling very fast... we still got some more to catch up.. but more importantly.. WE'RE ON THE RISE!!

after the movie i went with a couple of J2s to suntec to jalan and eat dinner.. they jio-ed me to watch a movie... at first they were considering DAY AFTER TOMMORROW.. to me it kinda sucked coz of lack of good plot.. but luckily the seats available weren't good.. so we ended up watching HARRY POTTER: THE PRISONER OF AZKAHBAN.. yepz.. i watched it on 2th junE!! hEhez.. and the cinema wasn't even too packed lorz.. overall its a nice watch.. i really admire JKR Rowlings exceptional ability to plan the story so nicely... i shalt say much lest i spoil the movie enjoyment for you peepz.. heard the advance tix for today like sold out everywhere leiz.. hahaz.. maybe i'm just lucky?

well today itself started off on not such a good note.. i got back at 1am this morning.. coz there were no more buses by the time i get to SK.. so i walked home from rivervale plazA.. after a bath and all i only slept at 2am.. i woke up late... couldn't find my notes.. was still tired.. chewed off by my mom for my lethargy.. and was gonna be late for training.. even my singlet like still being washed!! damn.. was cursing and swearing the whole morning... but coz of the EXCESSIVE lessons being conducted today.. we cancelled J2s training and asked them to self train.. coz of that.. i kinda lost my drive during my first chem lect and just fell into the abyss of sleep... after that i really BTH.. didn't wanna waste time sleeping at the maths lecture later.. so i got back HOME to sleep.. and.. here i am! hehez just woke up and energized...

just a passing thought... on my way back i saw this mother walking her son and teaching him abt things ard.. like bicycles... grass and all... some of you may know.. i've got this affinity with children..they just love to disturb and hang out with me.. loLx.. scary eh? charismatic in the wrong way you say? =p.. but well.. i kinda looked forward to having my own flesh and blood in due time... if i have a son.. i'll teach him to be a fine canoeists... if i have a daugther.. i'll want her to learn how to dance! =] losta ways of parenting came across my mind like inculcating a sense of thrifty from young... hahaz.. dunnoe why.. but gotta say.. i think i make a good parent! loLx (not advertisement wor ladies.. ^___^)

dEminG
RIdiCulouS!! eXpectO pEtRonAsSs~~~~~

supposed to be going for a maths lecture today.. and as it implies.. SUPPOSED... hahaz.. i didn't go.. guess i was clearing my sleep debt over the last 2 days.. hahaz.. fabby kept msg-ing and calling me while i was asleep then did i recall i was supposed to return him his notes.. hahaz.. if not he'll dip me in mushroom stock! =p

well was impressed by fabby's determination ya.. he had this neat time table done for june to chiong for his mid years... can see he wanna score well this time.. hahaz.. of coz i wish him all the best from the bottom of my heart.. but not say i wanna say ar.. at this rate.. he'll do more harm than good.. its not the schedule.. not the notes.. its the mindset.. well earlier this year can see you already changing mood le... of coz stress is good in small no. to drive oneself.. but then.. you're putting TOO MUCH stress on yourself...

well.. sometimes i try to jio you go out to chill and all... but most of the time i get the feeling that you rather i not do anything at all.. loLx.. in fact it seems like i'm making you even more pissed.. =\ hmmz dunnoe how to say ar.. i'm not criticising your manner of revision.. but wouldn't it be better you took it in better light? i dont claim to be all wise and all.. but i'm sure you know studying with JOY makes a hella diff from slogging your ass and whining abt stuff.. just take some time for yourself.. rethink the times you were BETTER.. you said you changed.. but which is the one for the better?... b4 you choose to charge without a definite aim.. take time... take aim... then good results does not have to come at the price of insanity or the loss of your normal self.. ;)

well b4 worrying for others.. hahaz.. ppl ask me take care of myself.. =p well its just my nature to poke my nose into other's matters ma.. otherwise they wouldn't call me deming le ba.. well i did do some read up on the BIO option topic.. hopefully can finish as much as i can take.. tml's gonna be another full day at kallang.. so i guess i haf to plan my time carefully.. in this darkness.. my only salvation is HOPE together with my determination.. i wanna show ppl i can manage life well and still perform during my exams... JUST YOU WATCH TUTORS!! FRENZ!!! I SHALL PREVAIL!

dEdiCatEd to FABBy~~


whEN thE weiGht oF thE woRld is too heAvy.. juST lEt flY!


almoST a yeaR ago.. stiLL remeMber thE fUn timEs? hAHaz.. thE woRld iSn'T sO dEvoiD oF hAPpinEss iS iT?

deMIng
NoTHIng caN dEfeaT thE humAn spiRit.. noT evEn an M9 GaRlAnd..